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09-29-2006, 07:35 PM | #1 | |||
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Member
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Hi guys - sorry long time no see - busy isn't the word right now, it's more like ' lightening pace' or something - wish I had all the time in the world to sit here and chat with you all.....
So much has happened since last we 'talked' , but in a nutshell, here goes: My daughter, who, you may remember, is 23 was approved for disability this past August - I swear it had nothing to do with the fact that I workfor DDS, doing the same adjudicator job! Anyhow, things have been up and down with her, as usual, despite the host of meds she's on. There is a real tough thing she's going thru now, too...She is quitting smoking - she HAS to, because she is having surgery in either Oct or November for breast reduction - she's finally had enough of those huge 'watermelons' she has - like a 40G or something, and wants to fit into regular clothes. But, God love her, she's so moody, despite the nicotine patches and all. Sometimes she yells and screams at me so much, she makes me feel like a worthless piece of crap - kind of like the way my Mom used to make me feel. Then, she's always got that 'ace in the hole' - her threats of suicide. She's making our lives a living rollercoaster, it's becoming harder and harder to take sometimes. So, is there an organization somewhere concerning TOUGH LOVE and grown children?? Heaven help us, we need it sometimes. Like tonight, we came home from dinner and she was upset because we had left her alone even longer than being at work. Long story, but I feel like our lives will NEVER be happy or normal with her and those antics. I'd throw her out, but we all know she'd probably end up six feet under sooner or later. What is a mother to do ? Besides all this, I am suffering from a crisis situation of my own with my hereditary spherocytosis (blood disorder like sickle cell) and I'm looking towards having my spleen removed in the near future. Any ideas? We love her so much, but some days even love just isn't enough... Thanks, dear friends, for any input here! Hugs, Jacquie
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"stagger onward, rejoicing" . Andrea 1/24/83-1/18/11 . My grandchildren . ** friend me on Facebook: Jacquie Grande Preston . ** L4/L5 fusion w/ hardware in 2002; taking daily pain meds ** proud Grandma of Angelo, age 8, Julianna, age 6, and Penny, 10 months MY HUSBAND & I ARE RETIRED AND ENJOYING LIFE !! |
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09-29-2006, 07:51 PM | #2 | |||
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Young Senior Elder Member
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(((Jacquie))) You know my thoughts on this subject dear lady. I'm so sorry you are all still struggling with this. Just wanted to pop in and give you a hug.
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09-29-2006, 11:29 PM | #3 | ||
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Member
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Jacquie,
I wish I had some answers for you, I truly do as I am in much the same situation as you. I won't go in to the long version just know I have 3 grown children and all 3 have been suicidal and I could go on and on, I have to say I know I let them take advantage of me and by doing so I'm not doing them any good either, so please if you should find such a group as your looking for pass it along!! Please know your in my thoughts and if I should find anything to help I too will pass it along. Hugs, LindaM(suede) |
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09-29-2006, 11:44 PM | #4 | |||
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Wisest Elder Ever
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hI there,
glad that you found these forums so we can stay in touch with each other. You continue to have a ton of stuff on your plate... I wish I could wave a wond and give you the answer you need but alas I can't... all I can say is that the sooner you allow/make her to be more responsible for herself the healthier she will be. She is old enough to take that responsibility...it is her body. You will need to set some limits on what is acceptable behavior...you choose to react...or not. your house ...your rules... it is all about respect. take care sweetie, bizi
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. Hattie the black and white one wrestling with hazel, calico. lost hattie to cancer..... Happiness is a decision.... 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night I will not give up in this weight loss journey, nor this need to be AF. 3-19-13=156, 6-7-13=139, 8-19-13=149, 11-12-13=140, 6-28-14=157, 7-24-14=149, 9-24-14=144, 1-12-15=164, 2-28-15=149, 4-21-15=143, 6-26-15=138.5, 7-22-15=146, 8-24-15=151, 9-15-15=145, 11-1-15=137, 11-29-15=143, 1-4-16=152, 1-26-16=144, 2-24-16=150, 8-15-16=163, 1-4-17=169, 9-20-17=174, 11-17-17=185.6, 3-22-18=167.9, 8-31-18= 176.3, 3-6-19=190.8 5-30-20=176, 1-4-21=202, 10-4-21= 200.8,12-10-21=186, 3-26-22=180.3, 7-30-22=188, 10-15-22=180.9, |
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09-30-2006, 01:57 PM | #5 | |||
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Member
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Thanks Alffe, Linda and bizi - your points are well taken. I KNOW we need to let her alone to be more independant, but that is so much easier said than done. We LET her treat us this way, as Dr Phil would say, but it's hard to teach an old dog, ya' know?
We'll keep working on it, she can have a complete 180 tutn around moodwise numerous times a day.... Thanks again, glad to be back! Hugs, Jacquie
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"stagger onward, rejoicing" . Andrea 1/24/83-1/18/11 . My grandchildren . ** friend me on Facebook: Jacquie Grande Preston . ** L4/L5 fusion w/ hardware in 2002; taking daily pain meds ** proud Grandma of Angelo, age 8, Julianna, age 6, and Penny, 10 months MY HUSBAND & I ARE RETIRED AND ENJOYING LIFE !! |
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09-30-2006, 04:53 PM | #6 | |||
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Legendary
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Quote:
I can't remember her dx's. Does she have anything beyond bipolar? Bipolar cannot be treated with tough love as far as I know. As long as she is still unstable and having mood changes throughout the days, the only thing that can help her is better meds. After she gets better meds she can work on counseling, exercise... I am sorry that she is still having difficulties. Mari |
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07-12-2008, 02:56 PM | #7 | |||
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Magnate
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Hi Jacqui,
I know what she needs but we can;t force them unfortunatly. It is hard when your soul is so confused to get the proper interactions with family. But, isn;t there a day program that has good reviews to get her out from under foot a day or two a week. Our Health care had a part time day program to help with self.....De never got there, her health issues were always so difficult, but I am hoping ehr brother now 25 and not back to work since her death will go. He is needing to be with other people then family, he needs to find him self a niche. He was in therapy and wish he would go back. Decide to take two college classes this fall and get back into society. But, my hugs and prayers are there for you. When the nosie she makes gets to you, can you tell her, I still love you no matter how the day is trying for both of us. Only because I blame myself for not being more tolerant of De at those times I was streesed to tears. Also, I remember the last week she was with us, in the unit down in Phila. I gave her a hug and kiss goodbye. She told me how that made her feel not hated. She felt because we were stressed over her behavior we hated her. Her step dad would actually get up and walk out of the room when she came in or the phone rang for the twenty-ith time that day, he rolled his eyes. All he could say now is he did not understand how difficult her life was for her and for him to have been more tolerant and say kind supportive things even when it was tough. We never knew what tomorrow was to give us..... Love to you and a huge cyber hug. di
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. Pocono area, PA . . . |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | bizi (09-02-2008) |
07-13-2008, 01:30 AM | #8 | |||
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Legendary
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Dear DiMarie,
You are a good mother and good to your daughter. I hope that you don't blame yourself for very much or that if you do think like that, you only do it for a minute or two. Mari |
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07-22-2008, 09:34 PM | #9 | ||
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New Member
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I can truly understand what you are going through, I have a 22 year old daughter who is bipolar and her meds do not have her stabilized yet. She attempted suicide twice and was just released today from the "Crisis Stabilization Unit".
I feel they let her out too soon as she has not even been put on a mood stabilizer only anti anxiety medicines to bring her down from the "mania" stage. I asked the center where my husband and I could go to get help in dealing with her and setting appropriate boundaries and they recommended an Al Anon Support group.... We are going to try this tomorrow, but I don't really "get" the connection with Bipolar. I hope this helps...... |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Twinkletoes (07-22-2008) |
07-22-2008, 11:01 PM | #10 | |||
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Magnate
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After having my experiance with my daughter, I felt so alone then, I just have this hyper emotion to wish the mental health field was what it should be. For Al Anon, I would only be guessing, but when a family has a member in crisis they must have a program to help us; structure, understanding our emtions, how help those we love.
That was my battle and anger the lack of real answers adn families with lack of support and winging it day to day living with stress and wanting so terrible bad to make the loved one have improvement. When in crisis and calling for an ambulance, police, co-workers, showed up, jumped restrained, beat and threw in a crusier where she kicked a window i had to pay for. From my training, you have to handle things completly opposit. even if they told her, you know your Mom is a pain in the butt with you, you need a friend, what is it we can help you with. I saw a mom and daughter in crisis outside my own psych appoint last week and just walked over to the gal while mom talked to see what they could do. From my professional experiance I realized she was in crisis and would not be OK for Mom to drive in a car alone. She could jump out adn likely would. so I sat and talked with ehr. she said I don;t know you what the hell do you want. I said nothing. I saw there was upset family and remember when I had a problem and no one listened and my daughter said we hated her and said it was all her fault, it wasn't. That I have a f's up problem, I am going to lsoe my job, and could use a friend. Even if a few minutes. did she want a piece of gum adn sit in my car. She asked if I could take ehr to lunh. I said if we can;t do it today I would love to do that. I feel like for some reason i was in that parking lot and we should be friends. She said why, I said why not. I saw the PD a coworker that showed up and he understood my signal to stay back, and Mom to stay back. I told her I think that people were worried about ehr medications being screwed up and did she think so. She said there were things that everyone blamed her. We talked and I said not long ago I made the same call to help my daughter and it did not go well. That because she was not cooperative they jumped her and handcuffer her took her dignity. I said to her they were my friends I use to drive the ambulanc, the girls name was Dianne like mine. I really would love to be a friend, and she is the best person take control of her situation. be brave and keep her dignity. Could she walk to the ambulance adn let Dianne take her down and get things figured out. (She was in law school when this flared) She smiled at me, asked for my gum and walked to the ambulance. I was in the process of working with NAMI on certification for instructing police in handling responses to families with a crisis. The family needs someone, not a cop beating retrianing or escalating a good chance at de escalting the situation. Just be himan and care for heavens sake. Let people ahve their dignityl When them came to my call, they charged my daughter down in the front yard I heard a lound BANG, I thought they shot her. It was a rock she threw in her car window because when I called for ambulance assist, I thought if they drove us down instead she would be calm and not jump out. Instead they escalated it and made me pee my pants in fear! I thought they killed her until I got down there. I still will finish my training, it is a need law enforement and first responders need. Sorry to get off topic, but I miss my daughter and if someone really cared, and really helped before she was dischaged without a plan or help she would still be alive. They gave her meds she was highly allergic to, I had her home one day. I feel and totally understand and have such compassion for those in the mist of the life we live with challanging problems. My prayers for you and hope that somewhere if it is Al Alnon, you find support and the one thing that helps. But I care, know that dianne
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. Pocono area, PA . . . |
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