Yes, it is much more nomadic than what I experienced.

I think I do this with intellectual common ground.... which makes it more important for me. Although many intelligent people do need this sort of common ground to some extent, with me, it kind of fills another gap most people don't need to fill.

I belong everywhere, and simultaneously nowhere. I belong to some places more than others, and to some people more than others, but these belongings are all complicatedly enmeshed with one another. I am a cultural hybrid.

When people ask where I am from, it doesn't get so specific as not having a "home town", much less a "family home". I don't have those things. Moreover, I don't have a home country. I will explain this more later; I only have random snippets of time right now.

It counts.
I am sorry for all that you went through with your father.

I had to keep home secrets too, but I was older... 8-9. It was a different type of thing. I am still embarrassed to talk about it even though it was not my fault. I broke down and told a Canadian girl I had befriended, and she used it for emotional blackmail. One of her conditions I remember was that I refrain from befriending another expat girl who had joined our school, whose background was more similar to mine. That all sounds horrible. I am sorry. :(

I was in a small racial minority, and then in a cultural minority within that minority. The "main" minority might been perceived as a powerful minority, but the cultural minority made me not-a-part of it. I didn't understand any of this as a child. I still don't really understand, even in retrospect. All I really got, and still get, is that I was different in obvious ways that made most other kids laugh at me and exclude me from things.

I don't believe it was as bad -- still weird, but not as -- through second grade (age 6). Then my family moved to Europe (here) for a year, and when we returned, I was put back into the same class (4th grade, age 8). The kids acted different to me. Even kids who had been nice to me before I left started being unkind. My mother says they became more aware of parental prejudices. I don't know. Where was she, at the time, anyway. Why couldn't she see it and help me.

I recently lit into my mom about the way she used to talk about 'my friends' in the context of belonging to or doing things with a group (as opposed to one or two others). I was too embarrassed about not having any to try to explain it to her at the time. I took her references to mean that I was 'supposed to' be in a group of friends, and I was embarrassed that I did not.

I told her I always wondered who she thought my friends were. But why wasn't it obvious to her that her daughter didn't belong to any group, much less of friends.

That's a hard list.

The only choice slur I remember from where I grew up was White Honkey. Not that one can be another color honkey, but for some reason they almost always included the color qualifier, at least when shouting it at someone.

I do consider myself an adoptive Floridian. Florida is kind that way... adopts lots of strays with random backgrounds, American and non.

Exactly. Mine also sounds incredibly exotic. It means I can use it as a social "hook" if I want to, but more often than not, I don't want to, and do not really want to "go there" at all. Here, I'm often asked if I am American, and, especially if it is a random stranger asking, I have started just saying yes. It stops the questioning.

London was far less melted back then, too. I know what you mean, though. I am more sensitive to other cultures and other ways of doing things. I sometimes worry about doing things 'right' and try to alter the way I do things a little, in order to respect a cultural context. I started resenting that when I moved back here though... too much to adjust and doing it 24/7/365 is different than doing it at a dinner party.

It's funny about boarding school. By now, I have heard a ton of horror stories about it. But until the time I was about 13, it was promised that I would go to boarding school in England "next year." I very much regarded that as a good thing, and was angry every time it was postponed.

I am relieved I was never sent, as I believe it would have been worse than staying where I was, frying pan to fire. I was idealistic about it, probably because British expats, who formed the majority of my positive social connections did not treat me with suspicion, the way many locals did. I guess this led me to think I would fit right in in England, but growing up I came to realize that was a misconception, and on top of it, that boarding school experiences were often really awful.

That's pretty much what I do, but my valve blows probably more often than every few years. ;):D I think, too, that sometimes social circumstances or an event will trigger a new bout of processing things -- sometimes in a slightly different way, or with greater perspective that leads to a better understanding. So I believe it is ok to do this, and that it can help one to grow.

:hug::hug:
waves

hi waves just wanted to say that it sounds like you are working some things out.
Thank you for sharing.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Not really Bizi.... not yet anyway. ;) This is all old news to me, but I am feeling the weight of it right now.

Thank you for listening. :hug::hug:

I am available to chat if you wish....
bizi

Waves, :heartthrob::Heart::heartthrob:

I am out of words but I am listening if that helps.


M

Thank you, Mari.

It does help. :):heartthrob: