Sounds like the cats are afraid you aren't coming back. So it will get better
as time goes hopefully.

They also need the play time, like bobby's cats. For that fact one of
ours does too. I need to find the toys again. Or have Derrick look
when he is here this week.

Donna

hope you ogt things done at the center.
Hope you are feeling ok, I know that you said you are drinking more water, hope you don't get dehydrated from your gi issues. when is your appointment again?
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Rocky and Dottie are very playful, and they play well together when you use long string-type toys. They are lazy though, and lose interest pretty quickly. My husband is much better at playing with the toys. We've never found anything that Buddy seems to like or knows how to play with with us, but he likes to play with toys and random things on his own and goes spastic with them. He stops if he catches us looking at him, so we have to pretend we're not looking. It's pretty funny
I wish Dottie would stay interested for longer. She's really gotten fat and it's hard for me to pick her up now. She's giving Rocky a run for his money. It's funny because I never see her eating, and she won't eat treats or people food.

Doing the goal plan went well. We talked about the DRA (dual recovery anonymous) meetings I should be going to… but I have such a hard time knowing where the line is when talking about my drinking I'm avoiding going. I'm afraid if I start talking again, I'll trigger something, go to that dark place, and my OCD thinking will just torture me relentlessly. A lot of bad things are associated with that subject matter and it's so easy for my mind to jump in a million different unpleasant directions. The s/s attempt is obviously the biggie. The association is the 3-4 month manic period preceding it.

I had lunch there yesterday. They served grilled chicken breast with roasted carrots and rice pilaf. It was terrible, which is very unusual. I couldn't swallow the chicken because it was so dry.

I'm having swallowing problems anyway- fluids included, but it's not every time I swallow. It makes me think that the problem is with muscle coordination from MS rather than a narrowing of my esophagus or scar tissue, even though there is pain when it happens. The acid reflux is really bad again, but I'm not having the same degree of heartburn problems I was before. I don't know if the endoscopy is worthwhile, but it's scheduled for the 24th. I am considering canceling it.
My lower GI problems are better. I think it's a combination of all the magnesium I'm getting from the large quantity of antacids I'm taking, and the fact that I gave up on taking the amantadine in the afternoon. Increasing that really aggravated those problems.
I'm being careful not to wash myself out too much. I only had 6 pint glasses of water yesterday. I was drinking too much coffee and not enough water before. I'm hoping it will help with the reflux.

I spent a very difficult 21 minutes on the exercise bike yesterday. It's in the bedroom. We don't have AC in there, and the cool air never seems to find it's way in. We have a fan in there, but it's like a cyclone and would be blowing directly in my face, and I can't turn it or move it. It hit 88 degrees yesterday. Today should be cooler. We'll see how I do…

i just love the stories of your kitty cats!
bobby

Do be careful with your health dear lady and your sanity. Which is something that we should all cherish and protect.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

K

I love hearing about your cats.
Re the DRP: You have good instincts about what you need.
The DRP might not be necessary and might be harmful.


M

My instincts tell me that the meetings would be harmful. Those same instincts tell me that talking about these things in any great detail in therapy isn't safe either because I'll bring the thoughts back home with me. I am dealing with things, privately, in bits and pieces, because that's what I'm capable of handling.

I am doing very well with my sobriety on my own. My 1 year is in July. It hasn't been hard despite living with a hardcore alcoholic. My cravings are almost nil, and when I do get them I'm very easily redirected. I have very good reasons to stay sober, and being on the right meds has made a world of difference.

Also, I don't know if the club would be the right place for a meeting for me even though there are a lot of people with bipolar disorder who have or had substance abuse problems…

I'm not quite sure it's the right place for me at all yet. I get so many comments that I don't look the part. I feel like I don't have the "right" kind of bipolar disorder to belong. I look so normal, and right now I can act so normal, but I'm sooooo ****ed up. I'm too crazy for the real world, but not crazy enough for their's… The funny thing is if I was really struggling right now, I would hide myself away. The last thing I would do is join a social club.

Kay

We all share where we feel safe and comfortable. So your instincts
are the things to follow.

Keep up the great work.

Donna

It's been so hot and humid here. Yesterday I had to turn on that huge fan when I was on the bike and I was getting blasted with air in the face the entire 30 minutes I was on there.

The odor of cat urine is back in the "cat room." I bleached out the cat boxes and changed out the litter about 2 weeks ago, and I scoop everyday. So that means the humidity is activating the odor of the old urine stains from the carpet/padding again. I would shampoo the carpet in there (it's a small room), but my husband moved a bunch of **** in there so it's impossible. He put an old love seat in there that we don't need. It comes apart in pieces, so he should be able to manage throwing it out himself. He won't get motivated until the smell gets to be too much for him. Unfortunately, I have a much keener sense of smell

I hope you have a nice day OK