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Sometimes I have a hard time telling the difference between OCD thoughts and panic/anxiety, too... especially with my intrusive thoughts. These things will roll around in my mind and I often have a hard time letting go, too. OCD and general anxiety (and accompanying panic attacks) can be hard to sort out at times because they are so closely related :hug::hug::hug: You may be having a harder time sorting things out right now because you haven't found a trusted friend to really vent to yet and you are dealing with fresh wounds. It's clear that you are really struggling right now, despite your meds. Has your pdoc talked at all about adding to the Luvox, or is she just talking about replacing it? Is there a time frame where you will be getting some help to control some of your symptoms? You are in my thoughts BF :hug::hug::hug: I wish I could give you a real hug. Kay |
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I've had periods of time where I was tormented with these thoughts for 6 months, or more. I never have known why that happens, and I guess that the Scientists don't know either. Every since I've been medicated with several meds at a time, I haven't experienced the 6 to 9 month periods of fear, and depression complicated with OCD. I also have a case manager, councilor, and a NP backed by a psychiatrist. This team of people are helping me to stay above water. I don't know how I managed to get through school with these problems. The problems were taking shape, forming,and getting worse. I dropped out of my second year in college. This is when we didn't tell anyone what we were going through mentally. When in High School, and after, I drank alcohol for the first 10 years when I could get it. I just didn't know what else to do. I remember that I had a bad Spring years ago, and my dad made a comment that these problems usually happen in the Fall with people in your condition. This was years ago. I've been through so many head trips after people have given their opinions about my challenges. They have(((NO CLUE)))how wrong they can be. (((NO CLUE!!!))) They make it sound like it's my fault. There's nothing enjoyable about this. Where did they get the nickname "Funny Farm", and, "Cuckoo's nest"? There has never been anything funny about these subjects to me. Sorry for the vent. BF:hug::hug::hug: |
I can't imagine the days for you friend....
I am sorry that you struggle so.I thought that I would have gotten some comments from my posting the video saying that I am bipolar.... It is disappointing. bizi |
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A specific type of thought I have is very bad. It's the only OCD-related thing that didn't totally go away when I was hypo/manic. The seroquel and a benzo help them come less often. But my OCD as a whole is worse now that the hypomania is gone. I know these types of thoughts can be tormenting. :hug::hug::hug: It sounds like you've put a lot of thought and reflection behind your decision to change your med. And it sounds like it will be a good change for you. I'm glad that you have a team to help you. You need that support right now BF :hug: I dropped out of college twice before I finally got my act together. I finished all my prerequisites, and was in my second semester of nursing school when MS became disabling. I'm so impressed that you were able to finish school in the face of all those obstacles. I can't imagine how hard that was for you. It's a sign of true resilience. :hug: I drank very little after my s/s attempt in Dec. and haven't had a drink since July20th. I was a social binge drinker, and ended up as an alcoholic. I always had problems with anxiety and, of course, alcohol loosens you up. My bp, OCD, and anxiety are all worse since I stopped drinking but I won't drink again. I know you were able to stop drinking years ago. And that takes a lot of strength, especially if you're facing MH problems, too :hug: I think that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have been through so much, but you have been able to fight through it. I know you're still fighting, but you've just made a decision to change meds and get yourself some new ammunition :) :hug::hug::hug: Kay p.s. I hate when people use the little information they absorb about bipolar disorder to try to educate me, tell me what I should do, or tell me what my real problems are. Despite my husband's claims to the contrary, his understanding of bp remains poor, and he thinks that I have control over things that I do not. I don't argue with him and I eat up his criticism. Sometimes I wonder why I tried so hard to get better. I'm tired of the stupid things that people say to me about my mh in general. As a result, I keep a lot to myself. And there are family members that I have cut off from ANY information on the subject. |
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My husband and I had a fight last night, and it's not going to be an easy one to shake off...
He harbors a lot of anger from the time we were separated. I know he won't forget it, and he won't forgive me. He's entitled to his anger. I own my mistakes. He does not. And I'm not allowed to remind him of them. I have to sit there like a punching bag. If I speak, I can't say "I." He's angry about the years I spent misdiagnosed and snowed on Lithium (so am I). He said I would have gotten better if I had just listened to him?! Nothing I can say can sway him. He thinks I was living like that solely by choice. Getting better is ammunition now, I guess. His opinion of me seems only to be shaped be every mistake I've made over the last 11yrs... I've been home for 9mo and working hard trying to get better. Last night he said, "It doesn't matter what you do. You're still you." So what the (expletive) was I fighting for? I cried. I can't remember the last time I cried. It's a very, very rare occurrance. This is the start of a long weekend. He's going to pretend this fight never happened. I don't think I have it in me to do that. I wish I had somewhere to go and hide. |
I am so sorry. you already have enough to carry.
bobby |
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I'm sorry Kay that you have been going through abuse on top of everything else. That makes things much worse. BF:hug::hug::hug:
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