I very much felt like at the end of the day looking back at it that I was hypomanic. I felt an uncontrollable urge to drink and never tried to control it.I was manipulating all things to get to have fun and drink and drink I did. I spent a fortune yesterday!
I was able to sleep it off and feel groggy but fine thank goodness.
Mari, tha tis the thing hubby and I used to do things together but have gradually just now drink together.
I will make a conscious effort to ast to go to the movies or rent one and go to the lake martin and go hiking. that would be fun. or even kayaking.
I don't know, maybe I need to go back to 80mg of geodon twice a day?
bizi

I have an appointment to see my pdoc tomorrow afternoon at 1;40.
Wonder what she is going to say.
Yesterday was a hypomanic day and my friend susan thinks I have been hypo for a while.
Maybe she will want to increase my geodon. My drinking has been getting out of control since we lowered the dose.
Impulse control is not good.
Jeff doesn't think I have a problem...sigh
bizi

Bizi,

Your and your pdoc will get the geodon worked out.

Hiking or seeing a movie are good ideas.


Mari

I'm glad that you have your friend Susan around to provide insight. She was probably better able to recognize the signs of hypomania because she doesn't see you as often as Jeff, especially if your symptoms (aside from drinking) may have been mild and/or have been insidious.

I know you probably don't like the idea of upping the geodon again, but I'm glad that you recognized the connection between lowering it and your increased drinking. I'm glad that you made an appointment with your pdoc so soon after realizing you may be hypo :hug::hug::hug:

I like your ideas for sharing more activities outside of drinking with Jeff :)

thank you for your support kay and mari.
Not sure how she will respond today, am nervous about it.
I am concerned that she will shame me.....
I hope she just sticks to the facts.
All along she has wanted me to join AA but that is not an acceptable option for me. I did not meet with the townsend people last week as I did not feel that i needed their out patient program. When I called them to cancel the appointment they said that they could perhaps still help me. They even mentioned doing some genetic counseling using my pdoc. Which is interesting to consider. At what costs? Maybe I will mention this to my pdoc???
I have had a problem with binge drinking my whole life. As I get older it is getting worse.Sunday was definitely a hypomanic day. I have had some obsessive computer usage as well but that is not unusual for me, the internet is another problem area for me... I have an addictive personality.
bizi

This is what I wrote on another forum: in a couple of posts:

Have you ever considered trying a new pdoc? Are you comfortable with her?
I'm so sorry you have to feel nervous when you are going to see her to ask for help :hug::hug::hug:
I don't like the idea that you have to fear that your pdoc will "shame" you at all :hug: This doesn't sound therapeutic to me. All my providers have known I have a drinking problem and they have discussed it in depth with me, but I have never felt judged. I don't know why she keeps shoving AA down your throat either… it's pretty common for people to object to it, especially because of the "higher power" element.

I'm also a life-long binge drinker. This is my first period of abstinence, but every time I've stabilized and cut back, I've gone right back to drinking as hard as ever (or worse) as soon as I've become hypo. It's easy to ramp back up quickly after cutting back or quitting, and very common for binge drinking to worsen over time :hug:

I realize that you're drinking a lot more lately, and it's clear that it's been on your mind a lot. That's a good thing and a bad thing. I think that your pdoc's suggestion of a private substance abuse counselor is a good idea, and it sounds like you found a very good one. You said he was laid back… he can help you sort out some of the feels you're having about your drinking in a nonjudgmental environment. And please don't give up on the naltrexone. You think it can help you- don't give up hope.

I hope that your appointment goes well and that your pdoc is supportive and helps you out today.

(((((HUGS)))))

Sending good thoughts for your appointment today.

Hoping she works with you on this.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Bizi,

The rebelling thing is helpful. You can work out that with a good therapist.

M

Bizi,

Is your pdoc a church goer?
Some folks in the South can be really annoying about the 12 steps.
Or maybe alcohol has affected her because of someone in her family or close friends.

At any rate, you might need someone else to help you.




M

Thank you mari,
todays appointment met with some disappointment.
She thought that My long term goals were abstinence. I told her that I wanted to be a social drinker, like stopping at 2 drinks.
This is not what she thought and not what the sinclair method advocates.
so she wanted more time to look into that ....sigh
I see my new tdoc on tuesday next week. she wanted to talk to him about me after that visit.
I am to fax lab results for liver enzymes to her. She wrote a script for an increase in geodon which I asked for.I will now take 40mg of geodon in am then 80 mg at night. I am happy with that.
I told her that I was beginning to become hypo manic. She liked the fact that I was noticing nuances of my bipolar.:)

She may or may not prescribe this for me...we shall see.

bizi