Tonight, A friend asked me to join her to go listen to some music in a neighborhood that I am not really familiar with. She asked if I was going to drive so I said sure.
We drove there and I immediately got lost. We finally found a place to park. We listened to some music and took a brief walk around the festivities....but I got disoriented and could not remember where we had parked the car. She reassured me that she knew....
Then we decided to leave and go get some desert at this new shopping area. I parked and got disoriented there too.
We ate ice cream and wondered around window shopping and I could not relate to any thing we looked at. I never window shop.
She said she wanted to see the new cost co so we went there and it was getting ready to close so we quickly went in. It was so big and overwhelming. Great prices for bulk items. This new shopping area is huge and there are new streets and traffic lights to the main road....
We figured out how to get home.
When I came home I was so depressed.
I told jeff that I am so immature.
so closed in my own little world. so dependent on others and him.
I am afraid....
I meet new people everyday. I write out clear directions to their house and have a good GPS. to get me home and such.
I was so disoriented so easily...
I feel weak, like a child.
I told jeff that I did not have it in me to plan a big trip that I felt unstable.
He said he would plan it.
sigh
I feel so dependent....
bizi

That sounds like an awful experience, Bizi It sounds like A LOT of anxiety…

You've been thinking a lot about your drinking lately… you want to moderate, but can't and probably feel out of control. You've also just come out of a manic episode where control was lacking. It's not surprising that you want to place control in other people's hand's temporarily and may not have as much faith in yourself as usual… you are probably feeling vulnerable right now because you have been through such a rough period

You're going through a lot of introspection, but it might be better if you have more support from your therapist right now because you're being extremely hard on yourself.

I often have major anxiety issues with anxiety during periods when I'm experiencing some kind of lack of control… major stressors of some kind. I know you take klonopin. How have you been using it?

It's important to treat the anxiety because it will make it easier to recognize symptoms of depression if they develop so you can get your meds adjusted before your mood gets too low. The last thing you need right now is to head from mania to depression.

I know that you love your work… I hope that everything goes smoothly and your skill and experience leaves you with more confidence in yourself today.

(((HUGS)))

Kay

Thank you kay.
I felt so inadequate...
life is about change and adapting to stress.
I was unable to do that yesterday.
I only take klonipin to sleep at night.
When we were driving around I am glad it was later in the day with not as much traffic.
New situations scare me.
I knew that I had social anxiety but this really hit me last night.
The window shopping even freaked me out. I realized how small my world is....
I could not imagine if I had to wear regular clothes every day....I live in scrubs monday thru friday. And usually fret about what to wear on the weekends.
I also have been spending so much time on the computer.
I need to get a life and do more things.
I am not challenging myself...
I am not growing...
I am stagnant...
bizi

I lived in scrubs, too. According to my sister, I never learned how to dress as an "adult" because of that. I still live in jeans and teeshirts. I'm very self-conscious when wearing anything else.

Reading your threads I've always felt like you lead a full life filled with a lot of friends and activities. You were hypo/manic for a while and your energy was just focused elsewhere. I have no doubt that with a little time you'll be back to your old yourself again

People can attest to the fact that i have been complaining for years that I need to get a life.
I used to be involved with my yard. working for hours everyday sometimes getting it in shape and planting flowers etc. Now everything is a chore ...really have neglected my yard completely only raking leaves with jeffs help. Nothing autonomous like before. I used to clean my house on a regular basis, now I wait for jeff to do that. Who ever gets tired of the cat hair the most will scoop up a bunch here and there. I used to swiffer the house.
I think I got resentful that jeff was happy that I did all of the yard and house. I was happy to do that when we first moved in and got resentful of that after a few years.

I get more support from you guys then from a therapist. Right now I am not seeing anyone. It is expensive and not helpful.
The only reason I saw a new one was because I thought that my pdoc would prescribe me the naltrexone only if I saw a substance abuse tdoc too.
I saw him one time.

bizi

Bizi,

If you think that lamictal could help you, it is an option.

My world is limited.

I have considered taking an art class over the summer but unless it is within 1/2 mile of my house, I do not think I will be up to it.

Try to keep up with the house or do a trade with someone (i do your feet or whatever or buy you lunch and you help swiffer ). It will
help you feel better about things.

M

That's great advice Mari