i have more energy

I understand.

'Wishing you wellness.


M

it didn't work. I am so depressed. back to the pills. i can't even type

Bobby,
I hope that you can feel better.

M

I'm so sorry things didn't work out well for you Bobby
You must be so disappointed and frustrated

I think you should tell your pdoc your med plan isn't working for you and it's time to shake it up and/or try something different. I know you are concerned about the "new" meds on the market, but some of those "new" ones have actually been out there for quite a while, and their side effects and efficacy are already well known. Maybe he will want to try one… ? IDK. There must be something he can do that has the potential to break this cycle.

When is your next appointment?

Thinking of you today my friend

i feel so rotten and alone. I can't type. I will tell the doctor. this is torture. I worry about pudge but she doesn't seem to be losing weight. I don't see her eat nowl
bobby

The last time I was in the hospital one of the psychologists told me that obsessions are common in bipolar disorder. At the time, I was convinced I had or would develop foot fungus because of showering in the hospital, so I kept smelling my feet (lol).

I do realize you worrying about Pudge's well being, and me worrying about foot fungus are two very different things, and Pudge's health is a lot more significant. But somehow when I realized worrying about my feet was an "obsession," I started to smell them less and worried less about developing fungus.

I understand that it is a lot harder for you to separate yourself from your worries because Pudge has been sick in the past, and you recently lost Abby, but maybe the need to see Pudge eat is actually the obsession? IDK. If her weight is stable and she is still active and playing, she is likely healthy. Maybe reminding yourself of that when you start worrying about seeing her eat could help?


I'm sorry that you are feeling so down right now. Could you reach out to Cecilia and let her know how disappointed you are that going off your meds didn't work out? She sounds so supportive. It would be a good reminder you're not alone


p.s. Please don't tell anyone else about my foot fetish. It's bizarre and embarrassing

Kay,

I never picked up a fungus, but I know from people who have that it
takes time and focus and hope to get rid of it.

It might be normal (mostly) to check for it even after it is long gone.


M

To be accurate, I should have been using the word "fixation" rather than "obsession."

I've never actually had foot fungus. I just know that you can pick it up in communal showers and I didn't have any protective footwear.

I was aware of, and being really careful about, not acquiring any of the really nasty stuff you can pick up in hospitals, but I had a long successful history of protecting myself from all those bugs at work. I guess that's why I wasn't fixed on any of that. I'm lucky. That would have been bad.

I hope that you are doing o.k.


M