[OhKay]

My depression got a little better after I reduced the gabapentin from 400 to 300mg, but I've been suffering from mild paranoia.

I called my pdoc yesterday morning and left a message. A secretary returned my call with a message from my pdoc telling me to go back up to 400mg of gabapentin because of the paranoia, and she will discuss things with me when she sees me on Monday…
I took 400mg again for the first time last night even though I don't think she made the right decision. I hope my depression and paranoia don't get worse again before I see her.

I've been checking in and keeping up with what's been going on with everyone. Even though I'm not posting, you're all in my thoughts

I'll start posting more when I feel better.

[bizi]

Sounds like a mixed mood, paranoia and depression. Very hard to treat.
thank you for checking in...I hope you feel better soon.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[OhKay]

Thank you for the link Mari
That hits the nail on the head.

I did some internet searches on my own, and I stopped because I wasn't getting the specific information I was looking for, and I was getting upset. I was paranoid psychotic, delusional, and hallucinating during my last two major episodes. I don't want to have to wade through any of that information and be reminded of all that right now… not a good time. I don't need to wallow in anymore self-pity.

I know I have a long history of paranoia. I don't know if it's ever happened when I've been depressed before, but it probably has. My records probably won't help. I reported feeling paranoid several times when I was diagnosed as BPII, but was blown off. I've had a lot of pdocs come and go over the years. My long term therapist (who has since left) had me diagnosed as BPI, but the pdocs obviously disagreed, and I wasn't dx as BPI until after the s/s attempt.


I laid down for a nap around 10am yesterday and didn't get up until my husband got home somewhere around 5:30pm!!!
Rocky had been all over me… he kept laying on my back, pawing at my face and hair, and rubbing his face all over my neck and cheeks… He was trying his best to wake me up because I had forgotten to feed the cats before I went into my coma… I felt so bad when I finally woke up

Despite my epic nap, I had no problem sleeping last night. I fell asleep around 10, and woke up at about 5:30am this morning, which is within my normal range.

I should have done laundry this morning, but I couldn't get motivated. I have to do it tomorrow. One morning I cleaned the bathroom, but I've done nothing else around here this week. I can't believe it's Thursday. I have to get my **** together today and get out of the house to run some errands. Maybe I can muster the energy to run the vacuum or something afterwards.

I have to get in the shower.

I'll get an opportunity to see if my paranoia has gotten better or not when I go out. My depression definitely has not. It's worse, but I expected that.

[Mari]

Kay,


I am sorry that you are going through this.

Sleep might be a good idea at this time. Also, staying home might be good.

You know what is best for you.


M

[bizi]

What do you think about calling your pdoc and speaking directly to her about what is now happening?
When is your next visit with her again?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[OhKay]

I left a lot of detail in the message, and she decided the situation wasn't important enough to warrant speaking to me, and she hasn't called to check up on me.

I'm safe, so I kinda feel like **** it until I see her Monday.

[mymorgy]

hugs
love
bobby
it will get better

[Mari]

Originally Posted by OhKay

I left a lot of detail in the message, and she decided the situation wasn't important enough to warrant speaking to me, and she hasn't called to check up on me.

I'm safe, so I kinda feel like **** it until I see her Monday.

Sorry. I hate waiting for the other side of the weekend.

(My anxiety creeps up even if the condition does not.)
Take care.


M

[OhKay]

I put "Say Yes to the Dress" on yesterday morning and was crying within 2 minutes. I switched to "The Golden Girls," and it was a much better fit. It's familiar and comforting to me. I am no longer watching the news.

I showered and ran my errands. I was actually out of the house by noon! I got several things done in an elaborate plan not to have to leave the apartment today, tomorrow, or Sunday, but I realized this morning that the coffee supply will run out at some point before then, so my plan will fall through. I never got around to doing anything around here yesterday because I slept again instead.

I didn't have to deal with any traffic in the laundry room, and I fulfilled my promise to myself of getting two loads of laundry in. It would be nice if I could fold it promptly and get off my *** and do something, anything, else today before I go back to bed.

I thought my paranoia was better, but as I started writing to explain in all the ways it was, I realized it really isn't. I guess that's why writing all this **** down can be so helpful…

[bizi]

glad that you got your laundry done...
sorry about your paranoia....
((((HUGS)))))
bizi