[mymorgy]

you have been through so much. i hope you break down and cry for a release
love
bobby

[OhKay]

I really don't know why, but crying is a very, very rare thing for me.

[mymorgy]

I was never much of a crier but after Pumpkins died i almost totally stopped. I feel is all locked inside. tomorrow can;t wait for marcia to come and give me a lesson on compassion. I am so blocked with my sister and there is so much pain. oops sorry for using your thread

[Mari]

Kay,

I hope that you hear from the doctor Monday.


M

[OhKay]

Tuesday there was no water in the morning.
Yesterday one of the washers was broken AND WE LOST HEAT. Someone from maintenance finally came by around 5pm to fix it. By that time it was under 60 degrees in the apartment (it was about 25 degrees out). I guess I should feel lucky that someone came AT ALL

So that ordeal was enough to get me to pull out the lease to take another look at it. It ends August 1st, and we have to renew or give notice we are moving by June 1st. So, it won't be too long before I have to start seriously looking for a new apartment. Now I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I know I should not be doing things like this, especially right now, but yesterday I opened the slider and threw all 4 LARGE couch pillows and all 3 cushions from the love seat on the lawn in front of the patio, took a couple of trips to put them in the car, and then I drove them over to the dumpster. My husband was upset that I did it because I really shouldn't be doing anything like that, but at the same time he was happy to have them gone because it's less work for him. He seems to view the rest of the furniture pieces as easier to deal with now that he won't have to make a bunch of trips to take care of the little stuff. Whether or not he will get to it and get it over with anytime soon… IDK.

That room desperately needs a really good cleaning, which I can do once that furniture is gone and I'm feeling up to it (whenever the hell that is). And I want a new couch, and that's not going to happen until he gets rid of the furniture in that room now… because that's where he'll move the old couch when the new one gets here!!!

I thought I was done buying linens, but my husband told me last night he wanted me to buy another set of the sheets I bought off Amazon that just arrived. I'm just waiting for him to tell me he wants new pillows, too. lol.

I feel lousy this morning, but I set myself up for another busy day today. I'm going to get a manicure and a haircut, but at two different places. I don't know how pampered I'll feel after I run the other errands on my list tho.

I need to make a to-do list for today so I don't miss anything and end up having to go out tomorrow. I may do some laundry, but that's it. I really, really need to rest.

[bizi]

enjoy your hair cut!
Your work makes me tired reading about it, please be careful.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi
glad that your lease is almost up. good luck finding a new safer, newer home.

[Mari]

I love throwing stuff out. It is freeing.

Enjoy the hair cut and manicure.



M

[OhKay]

I love throwing things out too, Mari. I think "freeing" is an excellent way to describe the feeling. I wish I was physically capable of doing it more of it. We have so many things around that we just don't need that are taking up space, but they remain because my husband is, sorry, but lazy. And he just has SO MUCH ****!!! I told him that he's going to have to go through it before we move because it's not all coming with us this time. He agreed to that, but we'll see…

I say, "we'll see" in regards to my husband's behavior an awful lot lol.
It's supposed to rain today, so there's no way he'll take that furniture to the dumpster, but we're supposed to have good weather tomorrow. I'll bring the subject up at breakfast and hope he won't find any good excuses not to do it.

Most of my running around has been in search of linens: bath mats (2 sets), towels, and sheets and I think I've figured out why…
Last week (?) the toilet overflowed and I went into OCD overdrive. I threw out the bath mats and the towels I used to sop up the dirty water because they could never be clean to me again. I bleached every surface in the bathroom 3 times… but obviously that wasn't enough. I've cleaned the BR at least 4 times since.

I'm usually driven like this when I'm hypo/manic (I'm definitely not right now tho), but in this case I think my OCD is compelling me to go out and search for and buy all these things to make the bathroom clean/new again or something. I'm not shopping for or spending money on anything else. I'm just fixated on **** that goes in the linen closet. I wish making sense of things fixed problems things this, but it doesn't.

Anyway, I've decided we need new pillows, and my husband has decided we need another set of towels. He's not exactly helping, but I'm sure I'll be satisfied at some point. There isn't much left to replace.

[bizi]

Isn't it hard to discern what is bipolar symptoms? I guess a manic episode lasts longer...not sure what the DSM what ever number they are up to now???? states the length of duration to qualify.
anyway. good luck with the pillows! hubby has a thing about pillows he has to try many/multiple pillows before he picks out the perfect pillow. It takes a long time picking out a new pillow!!!!!
bizi

[Mari]

Kay,

I would have thrown away the bath mats and towels and such too because
I would never be able to look at them or use them the same way again ---
-- no matter logically how clean I knew they were.

I hope that at some point the two of you can be satisfied / be able to take it easy.


m