[OhKay]

Last post of old thread:

My anxiety is, well, "not good" right now. It's mainly an increase in OCD thinking. I checked my pill minder and all my meds are in order. It's not out of control though. The klonopin is helping, but there is a change, so I have to be mindful of that. I'm up from 1/2mg of klonopin to 2.5mg a day over the last 2 days and that's significant. I'm pushing my limit.

I have an idea about what could be causing, or at least contributing to, the increased anxiety (maybe I'll write about it tomorrow?). Hopefully once that situation is resolved, I'll feel better. I just have to be careful about how bad this gets and how long it lasts, and make sure it doesn't lead to something worse. Right now my mood is stable.

If this persists and/or the klonopin can't control it, I'll go see my pdoc who will likely max me out on seroquel. I really don't want to go now because I don't want to do that for something that could be temporary. I can often find ways to manipulate myself and reduce my anxiety to a manageable level if given enough time…. but that usually applies to increases in GAD.

[Dmom3005]

Kay
This may seem odd or weird. But my anxiety gets worse when it gets
hot. Whether I'm inside or outside.

Donna

[OhKay]

My anxiety hasn't improved. It was worse yesterday. I just had a bunch of **** thrown at me that I just wasn't up to dealing with, but my anxiety is still fairly manageable working with the 3mg of klonopin.

I don't know if you remember, but I was supposed to take a big hit this month with a roughly $630 auto insurance payment, but my agent was able to arrange for that to be spread out over the three remaining months of the policy…
But I got an email last night reminding me that that $630 payment would be withdrawn from my account on the 16th, so I freaked out. Of course the co. was closed, so I had to sit on it all night and this morning until they opened. My husband applied plenty of pressure to "fix the ****," because he was, "****ing sick of it."
I called at 9:01am. Oddly, only half of the adjusted payment was due to be withdrawn, so I ended up making a $160 one time payment on top of the scheduled EFT to get things back on track. I'm going to have to keep an eye on things because I obviously can't rely on anything they email or mail me.
I don't even want to think about how outrageous the cost of our policy will be, or my husband's reaction to it will be, when it's time to renew it at the end of August. But of course I am thinking about it.


I received a text from an unknown number yesterday saying, "Hey." I asked who it was, but got no response. I have a feeling I know who it is, and the contact is not welcome. He was a "friend" I hung out with during my manic period when I was separated from my husband. Even though I was ****ed up, I knew back then he was a bad person, and told him repeatedly to stop contacting me. He resurfaced again trying to call and text me about 6 months ago and I told him to **** off again. My husband got angry because he knew he was a male I hung out with while we were separated. I'm not entirely sure if it is him because I deleted the ***hole's number a long time ago, but it's obviously someone I severed contact with for a reason if I deleted their number, too. My main concern is my husband getting angry again because it doesn't take much to set him off. It's very upsetting. I just hope that whoever it was realized I didn't recognize their number because I deleted it, and that will deter them from contacting me again. It would be even better if I was a wrong number.


My father-in-law is coming up from Florida, and will be here this weekend. I think that's triggering the big increase in my anxiety. I'm not terribly nervous about seeing him because we have a pretty close relationship. We're in regular contact. I haven't seen him in two years, but that's because he lives in Florida and didn't make the trip North last year.

I'm really worried because usually our visits with my father-in-law include my sister-in-law. I haven't seen her (or his mother or step father) since before my husband and I separated about two years ago, even though my husband and I have been back together for a year and a half. I know she didn't support our reconciliation, but I have no idea what her current feelings are because my husband doesn't talk about things like that. I don't ask because I really don't want to know. I think the possibility of having to face her and being rejected is what's triggering more memories, the heightened anxiety, and the OCD thinking.

We always take my father-in-law to the same diner on Father's Day when he's up north. I spoke to my husband and texted my father-in-law to let them both know I wouldn't be going. I really don't want it to be awkward and ruin Father's Day, I don't want to make my sister-in-law uncomfortable, and I just don't have the fortitude to sit through a breakfast with two of my husband's relatives I haven't seen in the two years since our separation and my s/s attempt. I thought making this decision, and making it known early, would help alleviate some of my anxiety, but it hasn't.

When I texted my father-in-law yesterday, I expected a fairly simple conversation. Instead it led to an uncomfortable conversation about my separation from my husband. I really, really, really didn't need that.

It was a **** day.

So far this morning, I feel a lot better than yesterday. I slept in, but still woke up like a shot with high anxiety again. It's about noon and I'm only at 1mg of klonopin, but that's only because I'm about to leave the house and am uncomfortable driving on more than that right now.

[Dmom3005]

Kay

It sounds like you found the issue for your anxiety. Maybe you can explain
to your father-in-law better why after you see him.

I totally understand.

Donna

[OhKay]

Yesterday was a much better day. I was able to clear up the insurance mess early, so eventually the stress over that faded away. I went out for a quick errand. It was sunny out, so it was a good day to get out for a little while following several sedentary days locked up in the apartment. I was back down to 2mg of klonopin and was actually able to take a nap.

This morning I woke up with less anxiety. I'm hoping that I'm going to have an even better day today

I told my father-in-law only that I wasn't going to be going to breakfast on Father's Day because I didn't want my sister-in-law to feel uncomfortable, and he did understand. I told him I'd already discussed the matter with my husband and asked him not to mention it to my sister-in-law. Meddling is sort of in his nature, and this is a sensitive subject.

I don't discuss the extent of my issues with anxiety and OCD with my husband. When things are bad, he can sometimes tell something's off, but he can't tell what it is. I internalize (probably because growing up my family members could always smell blood in the water), and he's not very astute, so I can hide things very well. There's a snowball's chance in hell I would admit to him how much facing his sister (or other family members) would effect me. He would turn it around on me, and it would ignite an argument about what a piece of **** he thinks I am.

I've decided I want to get the upgraded version of the Keurig coffee brewer, and I'm going to go check it out in person today. I want to make sure it's not a behemoth and will fit on our countertop before I buy it online. I have a coupon for BBB, and if I can use it, the price would be competitive. I may end up bringing one home today.

Before I can even think about leaving the house, I have to win today's battle of the laundry wars. I started at 7am and it's about 9 now… I have one load in the dryer and one still in the washer. The times are staggered so there's no way I can shower while the laundry is going. I don't want to find my laundry on the floor…

[Mari]

Kay,

That is good that your f-in-law and you settled the non-breakfast on father's day.
I understand about not telling your husband these things.

Did the upgraded version of the Keurig coffee brewer pass your inspection?

Mari

[OhKay]

Yesterday morning started out well.

It took me 4 hours to finish my laundry. Luckily I started early at 7am, so that didn't bother me as much as usual.

While waiting for my laundry, I started battling with my printer. First, it wouldn't print because the "magenta" ink (which I did not need) was low, then I couldn't get it to connect to my wireless network (which I was forced to reset Monday) because the wireless signal was too weak (AGAIN).

I took a quick shower and went out to run many errands…

After taking a look at the new updated Keurig, and realizing I'd be saving $30, I took one home! It has all the options I wanted, and it's very pretty. Absolutely no buyer's remorse.

I set up the Keurig when I got home. Then I installed new ink cartridges in the printer and some how managed to get it online and print the documents I needed from the insurance co.

I worked myself up into a frenzy trying to get everything done. I don't know how well the klonopin would have worked during the day because I was only on 1mg while I was out because I was driving, but I took another mg when I got home and settled down a bit.

I did way too much yesterday. I definitely did not get enough sleep after all of yesterday's activities. I have to run to the post office, but otherwise will be resting at home today.

I'm thinking about going to the club tomorrow, but that depends on whether or not I'm able to get any housework done today.
Last week I did my grocery shopping on Friday. I would like to put it off until Saturday this week if I can.

[Mari]

Kay,

So very very happy to hear that you have theKeurig and that it is new and that you got a great price!

I remember those laundry days of dealing with "community facilities."
Hubby wanted to get our own little place here so he could trust that his packages
would get delivered and I wanted to move out of the apt to get our own
washer / dryer.
Both recent-ish hurricanes involved our having to get back to work
although we had no power and no way to do clothes in our building.
It was a big hassle.

--
You are busy with lots to take care of.
I especially admire that you dealt with insurance taking out the payment.

You have lots together.


M

[OhKay]

My husband and I bought a town-house style condo about year after we were married. We lived there for only a few months before I was diagnosed with MS, and about a year before I had to stop working. With the loss of my income, and the cost of COBRA and my medical care, we couldn't afford to pay the mortgage anymore and were forced into a short sale. The funny thing is over the course of the 7 years or so we've been at this ****** apartment, our rent is much more expensive than the mortgage payment was. We were just in a terrible spot at the time of the MS diagnosis. The cost of the COBRA alone was ridiculous, and I couldn't be without insurance.

Our lease here is up for renewal, and we have to sign by July 1st. If we had the money, and I had my way, we'd be out of here. My husband wants the new AC we've been waiting for since last year (I doubt he'll get his way by then). We probably shouldn't be running the one we have because it's an electrical hazard, among other things. I want a new bathroom ceiling because there's a lot of water damage that they've just been spraying. The stains keep coming back and now the ceiling is cracking and falling apart.

Now that I'm on the move I can't believe I was able to sit here stagnant for so long, but I am really pushing it doing too much. I'm definitely taking full advantage of my independence and the opportunity to do what I want. At the present, I think I'm trying to find ways to occupy myself to block out the noise because I'm doing mindless sedentary things as well. It's working to a point, but my body is suffering. I was absolutely exhausted yesterday doing nothing, and this morning I'm still hung over from Wednesday, but I was up at 6:30am again because that's habitual.
I haven't decided if I'm going to go food shopping or not today. I have to take inventory. I will only go if necessary. If I do go, I will be leaving everything but the perishables in the trunk for my husband to take care of.
I am not going to go to the club today, so I guess I'm skipping a week again, but I'm okay with that.

I am LOVING that Keurig! There is a temperature adjustment on it so I can brew a cup of coffee I can drink immediately! After registering it, the company gave me a coupon code for 1/2 off up to 5 packages of K-cups with free shipping. I did the math, and it will save me a lot of dough, so I will definitely be taking advantage of that offer. I just have to choose 5 boxes out of 209 options

[Mari]

CNN does a slightly better job here than Fox did:

Was Florida shooter's ex-wife right to say he was 'bipolar'? - CNN.com

Those with a psychiatric diagnosis are actually more likely to be victims of violence or suicide, not to be perpetrators in acts of violence.

They say it is likely Anti-Social Personality.

M