After a week off work and an obsession to paint paint and more painting.

I returned to work on Saturday, prepared to start again and go through my daily routine until the next BLIP in my head arrises. It hasn't taken long to get to this. It appears to me that the more Doctors tell me to avoid stress the more i encounter.

Last year was a nightmare for me, i had endured three years of hell with my house.............. Where i live local government can declare housing areas Housing Market Renewal areas. This means basically they can through a Court Order compulsorily Purchase your house, give you less money than its worth, then knock it down, and expect you to go off and get a new home, with a bigger mortgage. [ in my case i had a £15,000 mortgage , for my original house. My mortgage on my new house is £146,000 ]


My new home is great and i love it, but the debt over my head is a worry.

So last year i knew i had to find a new home, I also had big problems at work. My company was in Merger talks with another company i stupidly volunteered to represent the north west of England region [332 staff]. Basically there were to be 66 redundancies in this area and all staff had to re-apply for their jobs [including me] but in a new format. I volunteered because i knew i was loosing my home, and i wanted to have first hand Knowledge if i was about to loose my job, plus i wanted support my colleagues who were too frightened to ask questions in fear they might be seen as disruptive. [ by the way this was not a union role it was a staff representative role, and the union were none to pleased i was elected, but sad to say trade unions in the UK are not what they used to be, there useless to be polite]

During this time, my Mother[79] had a heart attack, and as a result found out the same day she had breast cancer.

I honestly thought things couldnt get worse. [ she is ok at present lump has been removed and Radium therapy is working]

Going back to the real reason for this Rant, my return to work on Saturday, whilst i've been away several incidents had occurred at work and i feel they have been left until my return to sort things out. The new working structure is a sham, managers dont have clue, which leaves the staff feeling hung out to dry. where i work i'm lucky if i see a manager once a month. Some say its a great reflection on our team just getting on with the task at hand whilst they sort out other Hostels that are really struggling.

It brings me back to my point, just because i can cope it doesn't mean i'm immune from daily pressure of work. Constant violence aggression , young men self harming, Bullying and downright MAY-HEM.

I am a conscientious worker and as a Support Worker, for less fortunate people i wish the powers that be would Support us.


Mari i think you said in a reply to antother of my threads you mentioned - 'racing thoughts' if, you have any info on this i would be very greatful. As at present the last 72 hours have been a nightmare i cant sleep, relax or think straight i have to put the TV on, or do this [type], because if there is quite i keep thinking about things or hearing a song that got in my head last week over and over again. It is driving me mad. When i'm in a group i just feel like screaming shut up........I CANT WIN.


To cap it all over the last two years i've had Annal Fissure's , Im convvinced they get worse when i'm stressed.[ the more fibre/ fruit/ veg i eat the worse it is] Hopefuly this will be sorted on Thursday as i see my Doctor and will insist on an operation i've seen on the internet, all the creams subscribed have not worked, one 'RECTOGEL' gives me the headaches from hell, [ it lowers the blood pressure] It really is a pain in the ******* I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.


So the end resullt of this Rant is another days holiday tomorrow followed my day off on Wednesday, and hope to have calmed down to weather the next storm. I'M so tired of feeling like this

Plus the weather in England has been diabolical, rain rain and more bl**dy rain. I bought a a BBQ and PATIO furniture for my new house on 10th of June it was a CURSE as thats when the rain came and has not stoppeed since.... AL-GORE may be wrong about Global Warming Well at least where i live anyway. [ No wonder for TEN years i was told i just had S.A.D]
PS my washing machine broke on Friday the 13th, followed by my Cooker today, [i must have upset someone really bad upstairs]

Rant Over....................sorry............

PS I DONT KNOW HOW THE SMILEY FACE GOT ON THE TITLE OF THIS THREAD I CERTAINLY DI NOT PUT IT THERE

now i am spooked or is Above just having a laugh at my expense

David maybe the smiley Icon appeard as a hint that ll is not too far gone.

I would say though this job is killing you emotionally. It has to be difficult when the stress takes a physical toll like this. You have so much already with mom, and housing, to take on this jobs stress has to be far too much.

I take lexapro for my racing thoughts. It helps me focus, not totally but at least 90%. THis is enough to keep family and job together. But, I still ahve so much house work to keep up or catch up with.

Is there anywhay you could find a job in your field that would not have this termoil? Ihave to say, your troubles are yours, but with the employees and superiors meedy, you are collectivly receiving FAR TOO MUCH STRESS, that should not be yours!

Vent away, but I wish there were a resolution.
Dianne

Diane

many thanks for your reply, im stuck though..... I've been doing this type of work present job 5 years previous job siocial services [ Disabled adults] 10years i wouldn't know what else to do. I used to see it as penannce for trying to kill myself. Now its my life.

AT TIMES i want to stop carring but cant, i hide my own frailties behind others.

You are completely right though, ..... Those in charge couldn't care less about front-line workers actually doing the job.

If i stop what do i do?, i have constantly asked myself this question, and cant find answers.

I am wondering if you have any sick days coming to you...you are going through so very much even for a person without bipolar....how can you take baby steps when you are being flooded with problems you have to deal with?
I wonder if our support helps?
Bobby

Quoted from the web site:
http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/Anxiety.htm

Anxiety as a symptom of Bipolar Disorder

What is the anxiety of bipolar disorder like?
Patients describe it as "agitation", and sometimes that is quite obvious: their foot bounces on the floor while we talk; they pick at their nails; sometimes they can't even bear to sit still and will get up and pace around the office during our interview.

But sometimes the agitation is only "inside": patients experience "too much energy inside my skin", like they're going to "explode", and usually their thoughts are going very fast (sometimes called "racing thoughts").


However, when this is severe, people may not experience that fast thinking, but instead just an extremely disorganized thinking -- not being able to keep their mind on one thing for more than a few seconds, not being able to accomplish anything.

Of course that can make "anxiety" worse as people recognize that they are really ill with something that is not obvious to anyone else, yet they are not really functioning either. How do you explain that to someone?

When this kind of anxiety is present with other manic symptoms like irritability, it can create an awful experience people feel desperate to get out of. (Very often they discover that alcohol can help settle this down for an hour or two. Unfortunately when it wears off, the symptoms come back, very often worse than before.

If a person responds to that by drinking more, that can cause a worsening of the condition over several days or weeks -- but because they get brief relief from drinking, they keep doing it and often have to drink more over time to keep their symptoms controlled. This is a dangerous spiral which is statistically associated with successful suicide attempts, so represents a clear reason to get help as soon as possible.)

Fortunately there are very good medication approaches to this which can help within an hour. Zyprexa has a special role here, in my view.

When this kind of anxiety is present with depression, this may be the worst combination of all. Anxiety is a very strong risk factor for suicide when people are depressed. The future looks hopeless and pointless because of the depression; and the present feels unbearable.

Again, it's important to know that this combination is very treatable. If you find yourself feeling and thinking like this, and you don't have a doctor or therapist to help you manage it in the short and long term, you should take specific steps to keep yourself safe, including going to an emergency room if necessary.
.
.
.
.
Antidepressants can make bipolar disorder worse.

Even though antidepressants are a standard treatment for anxiety problems (e.g. OCD, PTSD; and to a lesser extent Social Phobia, Panic Disorder and GAD), most experts agree: treat the bipolar disorder first, then if anxiety symptoms remain, treat them.

There is more on this page about the types of anxiety people with bipolar can have.
http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/Anxiety.htm

Dear David,
The short answer response to your post is that you need better meds.
The pyschiatrist needs to address the anxiety/agitation/racing thoughts.
It is possible that you have mixed moods like I used to have.

http://www.psycheducation.org/depres...hor-What-52143
Scroll up to see my favorite graphic of mixed moods.

Read his page and see if it sounds like you:


Mari

Hi, David,

Quote:

Originally Posted by David McCallion This means basically they can through a Court Order compulsorily Purchase your house, give you less money than its worth, then knock it down, and expect you to go off and get a new home, with a bigger mortgage. [ in my case i had a £15,000 mortgage , for my original house. My mortgage on my new house is £146,000 ] My new home is great and i love it, but the debt over my head is a worry.

I looked up the pound/dollar conversion:
15,000 pounds = 30, 597 dollars (approximately)
146,00 pounds = 297,811 dollars (approximately)

That's a huge mortgage and I can see why you feel stressed.

Quote:

I volunteered because i knew i was loosing my home, and i wanted to have first hand Knowledge if i was about to loose my job, plus i wanted support my colleagues who were too frightened to ask questions in fear they might be seen as disruptive.

Sometimes I used to want to do things like this at work too, but I have stepped back. I guard my bipolar. I watch out for it and take care of it more than anything else.

Quote:

I honestly thought things couldnt get worse. [ she is ok at present lump has been removed and Radium therapy is working]

I'm glad that your mother's medical treatments are working.

Quote:

Going back to the real reason for this Rant, my return to work on Saturday, whilst i've been away several incidents had occurred at work and i feel they have been left until my return to sort things out. The new working structure is a sham, managers dont have clue, which leaves the staff feeling hung out to dry. where i work i'm lucky if i see a manager once a month. Some say its a great reflection on our team just getting on with the task at hand whilst they sort out other Hostels that are really struggling.

David, slow down. Take a breath.

Quote:

Mari i think you said in a reply to antother of my threads you mentioned - 'racing thoughts' if, you have any info on this i would be very greatful. As at present the last 72 hours have been a nightmare i cant sleep, relax or think straight i have to put the TV on, or do this [type], because if there is quite i keep thinking about things or hearing a song that got in my head last week over and over again. It is driving me mad. When i'm in a group i just feel like screaming shut up........I CANT WIN.

I posted some info about about "racing thoughts" else where on this thread. You could be having "mixed moods" / "mixed episodes" or you could be having various types of anxiety. All of this can be medicated. Tell the pyschiatrist that you need medication for this particular issue. Be specific. Don't wonder off and talk about work. Ask for new/better/stronger medicine.

Quote:

Hopefuly this will be sorted on Thursday as i see my Doctor and will insist on an operation i've seen on the internet,

I hope that the doctors help soon.

Quote:

[ No wonder for TEN years i was told i just had S.A.D]

Is this true? Some doctors are idiots.

Quote:

PS my washing machine broke on Friday the 13th, followed by my Cooker today, [i must have upset someone really bad upstairs]

OK David.
Could you take up something like Tai Chi? Other exercise?
Yoga helps me. My current therapist reminds me to do it.
Or do deep breathing. Do you teach deep breathing techniques to your clients?

Regarding working in a difficult job / saving the lives of young people:
You are doing amazing work. But perfectly normal people can burn out from that type of work. Surely, you have access to a case worker/social work/therapist - type person who can give you techniques to keep work at work and home at home. Other people like ER doctors, police, and so forth learn to employ techniques to help them do this. Find someone to teach you. That, or you will need another job.

We can't always get rid of the stress in our lives or jobs but we can learn ways to deal with it better.
And we need to find ways to get it out of our bodies/brains so that we can live our lives.

When you come home from work, can you be stress free there? Can you learn to do that? Maybe you need to go in a darkened room and be quiet for a few hours.
Are you getting enough sleep?
Do you have ways to de-stress?

You are not alone.

When do you see the pschiatrist again? Can you call before the next appointment. Can you call tomorrow?
Mari

is there anyway you can find cheaper housing? once Mari pointed out the huge mortgage I almost got a panic attack. I am wondering how your wife agreed to let yourself put yourself under so much stress unless you are expecting some good inheritances. I know there is a real estate bubble here and I don't know how much longer it can last. There have been a lot of defaults in sub mortgages...
Is there anyway you can have the operation done soon? That would relieve some stress.
When I was a psychologist I worked under three badly run clinics...management is the key. I burnt out not so much from the clinics but from the management. Once you get your operation, is there any hope that there are some well run places that you might secretly apply to? In one of the places I worked in, a Catholic organization, after I left, the head psychiatrist I was told was arrested for selling medications illegally...That guy was so bad...and so prejudice. I did a lot of testing and would argue that some of the Latin kids were smarter than he was but their English vocabulary hampered their scores but their analytical abilities were off the scales.
Bobby

I have often wondered what I would do with myself if I wasn't in my current job. I can't think of anything else either.

I have deep empathy for what you are feeling. Please rant. It helps so much to come back and read what was in your head. At least it does for me.

So much going on, no wonder you are so stressed.