I know you had reasons why you cancelled your pdoc appointment, but it worries me that your depression is so deep right now that it scares you. I hope that you are safe, and I'm glad you are seeing her soon :hug::hug::hug:

You have such a complicated relationship with sleep. I wish I could just make that one part of your life easier for you :hug::hug::hug:

I understand why you don't want to take the Lunesta now. It sounds like the current benefits don't outweigh the risks. You don't need anything right now that could potentially lower your mood.

Thinking of you today, Mari :hug:

Much earlier I got really sleepy, but I got up to brush my teeth and such.
Since then I have been I wide awake.


I feel anxious right now -- big knot in my stomach.

I guess I will take some klonopin although pdoc has discouraged me from taking "extra."

I want to stay away from the Lunesta in case it is exacerbating the depression.



=-=-=-=-


M

anxious, scared, not sleepy
 

I took 0.5 Klonopin one hour and forty mins ago.

I feel no better than before I took it. Maybe worse.

I watched a little t.v. and read a little, thinking I might get sleepy.

I tried to sleep. I tried breath counting
Three Breathing Exercises and Techniques | Dr. Weil

Right now I am crying -- from fear, from frustration about being not being able to take care of myself.

+++++++++++++
At 2:00 pm Saturday I have a hair appointment that I cannot miss. I missed too many times in the past.


=============
Perhaps I should stop trying to sleep.
Perhaps thinking about sleep is
making me upset.

I can find something else to do I hope.

Maybe take a shower -- something to change

M

It sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself to sleep and it is making you more depressed and anxious because (I maybe wrong but) it sounds like you are getting more so at night now. Could you try taking the Klonopin first, focus on activities that may tire you out, and try to let it happen more organically? I hope that using the Klonopin will help, at least to some extent, on some nights :hug::hug::hug:

Your pdoc may not like the idea of you taking extra Klonopin, but hopefully she will accept that you NEED sleep and need to do whatever works for you, if only on a temporary basis.

I hope that if you showered, it made you feel at least a little bit better, and that going to the hairdresser will make you feel better, too :hug::hug::hug:

hello mari,
Golly, I am sorry that you are struggling so much.I too wish it were easier for you. Not sleeping really sucks the life out of you.
There are several of us with sleeping issues...me it is a temporary issue(I hope) both you and bobby suffer from it long term. It must be so frustrating. I am sorry that you cried. Ask hubby for help today.
I hope you enjoy your hair appointment. I have one today as well.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I also have insomnia issues at times. Nothing I try will work. I am lucky
that its usually just a night or two a week. And most of the
time I can adjust my sleep in the morning to make up for it.

But I've stopped drinking caffeine at night as much as possible.
And I try to get at least one sometimes two fountain drinks a day,
only because I can get almost all decaffeinated pop. With just a slight
amount of caffeinated for headaches. Its been working.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Slept for a hour. Now Up. Will take some lunesta
 

I have never had coffee. Only twice in my life I tried it and it did not agree with me.
=-=

I have been having mini talks with hubby about re-arranging the couches
in the living room, putting a t.v. in the bedroom, . . .

=-=-

THE MAIN SLEEP ISSUE is that I do not want to sleep.
I am hugely frightened by sleep so I prefer to stay awake.


I have not been able to "push" through the fear of sleep.
The knowledge of the dreamlets that I gained three years ago has not been enough to make up for a lifetime of "trying to manage" past the Hypnagogia

1. Hypnagogia - Wikipedia )

2. Sleep Hallucinations - Overview and Facts

3. Hypnagogia - Google Search

I do have some work-arounds like meds, tv, sleeping in the afternoons, . . . . .

M

I don't blame you for not wanting to sleep. Those type of experiences sound scary :hug::hug::hug:

I remember your sleep doc had mentioned he thought you probably had narcolepsy and you tried Ritalin. Are you still taking it? Anything new on that front?

Ritalin has side effects I could not deal with.


Today I am majorly hungover from the Lunesta.


M

Mari
So sorry you had issues with the Ritalin.