I'm so sorry that you had such a difficult childhood Mari
If you have a lame tdoc, I don't think she's the one to help you try to come to peace with your feelings. I think you need someone you trust and connect with in order to see any progress, and sometimes you have to kiss a couple of frogs before you get there.
My family is extremely dysfunctional and I had a terrible childhood. Sometimes my memories seemed more like fresh wounds than scars, they were easily triggered and I could become highly emotional.
I had an exceptional therapist for about 7 years. She had a doctorate and utilized multiple types of therapy. She was gentle, easy going, and we had an excellent rapport. Mainly we talked.
Over time, the thoughts about my childhood have become less frequent. They're still there, but they're below the surface and not as easily triggered. Don't get me wrong, I'm still profoundly ****ed up, but this is an area I have made a good deal of progress in.
I never went more than once a month. That was my line in the sand.