I, too, am sorry that you are struggling.
bizi

I sleep somewhat.

Sometimes in the daytime I am short/ bitchy / whiny / out of it /praying.


T.V. political news is annoying as all get out and seems repetitious.
I read political stuff on twitter ~~~ sort of relaxes me by distracting
me from myself.


Thursday we have two meetings and a long day so I am packing in case the
a/c is too cold and I need something to read on my kindle.

I downloaded somethings from Amazon but my iPad is not charging so I'll just
hope that it fixes itself.

M

OMG is cable new repetitious!!! I find that they don't cover anything that isn't political anymore, so I take it in small doses and read up on the other stories through the news app on my iPhone. It is a good distraction.

I'm sorry that you're going to have a long day today. I know how much you love meetings…

I hope that you got some decent sleep last night

sounds like a long day.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

The first meeting was usual B.S. and I was 10 mins late.
BUT it counted that I was there and I heard most of Work Buddy's presentation.
He and I talked for 5 mins afterwards -- I pointed out the highlights of his talk/discussion.


I went to IT to straighten out the wifi on my phone and iPad and
then went back to my car to sit by myself for two hours hiding from people

The last meeting was excruciating.
The chairs were uncomfortable and the topic was boring and not relevant.
I sat for 90 mins in the front row trying to look interested.

Then I came home and collapsed into a short nap early in the evening.

M

I wonder if my lame tdoc could handle helping me with the feelings I have about growing up.

Dad was gone more than half the time.
Mom was crazy (probably would satisfy several DSM criteria)
and unavailable emotionally.

I parented myself and my siblings.


I wish I could get some professional help at some point.


M

We can state the facts as we see them...how do we get over these facts?
Have you forgiven your parents? Maybe you could write a note but never send it to them.
Just a thought.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I'm so sorry that you had such a difficult childhood Mari

If you have a lame tdoc, I don't think she's the one to help you try to come to peace with your feelings. I think you need someone you trust and connect with in order to see any progress, and sometimes you have to kiss a couple of frogs before you get there.

My family is extremely dysfunctional and I had a terrible childhood. Sometimes my memories seemed more like fresh wounds than scars, they were easily triggered and I could become highly emotional.

I had an exceptional therapist for about 7 years. She had a doctorate and utilized multiple types of therapy. She was gentle, easy going, and we had an excellent rapport. Mainly we talked.

Over time, the thoughts about my childhood have become less frequent. They're still there, but they're below the surface and not as easily triggered. Don't get me wrong, I'm still profoundly ****ed up, but this is an area I have made a good deal of progress in.

I never went more than once a month. That was my line in the sand.

1. Tdoc likes me and is very nice. Smiles and compliments me. Tells me what a lovely person I
am and how good I probably am at work and so on.


2. But I sense that certain problems she does not like.
Actually she kind of said that one time --- about how I do not have
problems like some other people.


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
3. She helped a lot re a very particular sleep issue.
After that one talk, I was better. I was not better immediately but
many months later I felt better. It was easy to tell her what I needed,
she listened and probably said something helpful enough, and later I felt o.k.


4. Maybe she can help with sleep now too.
She would not do CBT or anything like that, but she would listen to me
while I explain one aspect of the problem to her and then in a later session discuss another issue.

M

Kay,

I appreciate your explaining the feelings about your childhood and that the
therapist helped you.


It is good to hear that the thoughts are below the surface and less frequent.


M