[OhKay]

Patients with mood disorders are usually treated differently by doctors, especially when they complain about pain… I actually told the physiatrist that. I was upfront about my mental health problems, and I told him that while I was stable, I know that I present with a flat affect at times because of all the meds I take, the fact that I'm in so much pain, and I visits to doctors are not social calls.

Since my s/s attempt, my PCP treats me like a totally different person. My pdoc says it's because mdocs just don't know how to handle/don't fully understand mental illness, especially as severe as mine. He's retiring at the end of the year… no idea who I will choose to replace him.

[Mari]

Kay,

Have you been seeing this psychiatrist for a little while? He would not
change his knowledge of you due to your overwhelming him.

Seems good that he made the suggestion of chiropractic treatment for myofascial pain.

Sorry to hear about your feet. Yikes!
Wishing you well.

M

[OhKay]

When I went to see my pdoc this morning, I ended up in tears… and I NEVER cry.

The Rexulti was doing it's job, but I think the appointment with the physiatrist tipped the scale and shifted my mood.

Maybe I will write more about that tomorrow. IDK.

Meanwhile, she increased the Rexulti to 1.5mg/day.

I walked to the mailbox when I got home, and I almost had what could have been a VERY bad fall flat on my face. It scared the **** out of me. I have no idea how I caught my balance, but thank God I did. That's the last thing I need. I will be staying in tomorrow.

[Mari]

Kay,

I am concerned to hear about the pdoc visit.

But more worried when I read about the walk to the mailbox.
You did well. And I am happy to hear that you are o.k.
It DOES make sense to stay home for the day.



M

(P.S. I hope the writing made sense. I am hoping for good things for you.)

[OhKay]

The last time I remember crying, was in 2015 when I was in the hospital coming down from an episode of agitated mania. Right now, this episode isn't acute, and my symptoms are predominantly depressive, which is better, because it's mania, especially dysphoric mania, that is dangerous for me.

I'm not doing well. I've only taken two of the 1.5mg doses of the Rexulti. It works fast, but it's too early to expect results. My pdoc wanted me to take 2mg/day, and I think I should have just agreed to it. She will be back in the office on Monday, but if things get worse, I will just increase it.

Regarding my medical situation, I just feel HOPELESS.
I haven't heard a word about my blood work or the shoulder X-Rays, so that s*** must have come back normal... and at least that's good news.
I have had to cut back on the Diclofenac I've been taking for pain. I take it with food, but I've been getting pretty bad heartburn despite the 40mg of Protonix I take every morning, and I'm sure it's the culprit. I will have to reserve it for especially bad situations

I am supposed to do laundry today. Corey put it in the trunk this morning. I'm going to go buy cigarettes and go to CVS first to see how I'm walking. If I don't think I'm up to it, it will have to wait until Monday.

I may not have to go grocery shopping until Sunday or Monday. I bought the essentials like TP, milk, and bread on Thursday because I have enough for dinners until then. If Corey wants junk food, there's a convenience store right around the corner.

The cats have made a larger hole in the blinds, and I'm STILL waiting for Corey to put that ****ing curtain rod up. I told him he's doing it Saturday, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen. He's one stubborn SOB... I will at least try to measure and mark it myself if he doesn't get off his ***.

[mymorgy]

I don't know where you get the strength. I am sure your kitty cats help when they are not being destructive. Is Corey ever a source of comfort? How are your doctors? Are they robots or are some human? I wish you could feel better!
Love
bobby

[OhKay]

Originally Posted by mymorgy

I don't know where you get the strength. I am sure your kitty cats help when they are not being destructive. Is Corey ever a source of comfort? How are your doctors? Are they robots or are some human? I wish you could feel better!
Love
bobby

I'm more even more stubborn than Corey, but I use my powers for good vs. evil lol. I guess I have always just had find a way to do what I've had to do.

The cats really are a great comfort. They are great company. They are very loving.

Corey can be a great source of comfort. When his mood is good, he can have a calming effect on me and can be reassuring.

My doctors are all human, but appointments are hit or miss with my PCP now. The physiatrist is a new doc, so it will take a while before I can build up trust. I have been treated very badly in the past by some doctors, but that's all I want to say, and will say, about that.

[OhKay]

I did end up doing the laundry yesterday. I guess Friday is not a good day to go to the laundromat because it was packed with a bunch of ***holes. And MORE than half the dryers were marked out of order this time, and I ended up finding out that there were more that were broken and unmarked. So, even tho I should have been out of there in less than 2 hours, it took me over 3 because I was waiting for ONE dryer... for ALL the clothes. I'm glad I was agitated because it prevented me from being walked all over. Otherwise, I never would have gotten out of there. Anyway, I got it done. But I need to find a (3rd) laundromat where all the machines aren't broken all the time.

The cats have made an EVEN BIGGER hole in the blinds!!!
Corey is ******, and says the curtains are going up today.
I want him to get the rod up early because I'm not 100% sure I'll be happy with the curtains once I hang them (I bought them on clearance and there was no display), so I would like to have enough time to go out today to buy new ones if I have to... It's 10am, and he's still asleep tho, so that's not a good sign that I will get my way. He's not one to jump into action early...

Last night I picked up Rocky and brought him outside with me on the deck. He hung onto me for dear life, but he was enthralled. We want to get him a harness so we can put him on a leash and take him out on the deck with us. Dottie will probably be the same size in a harness, and she would love going out there, too. But Buddy would need a much smaller one, and he is so skittish, I think the sound of the traffic would scare the **** out of him. I don't care if we look like weirdos!!!

Between cleaning out the cat boxes Thursday and doing the laundry yesterday, I'm in a lot of pain. I took the Diclofenac last night and it didn't give me any heartburn. I'm not going to push it though. I'll only use it when I REALLY, REALLY need it.

I'm still waiting for the 1.5mg of Rexulti to kick in. I'm not better, but at least I'm not worse.

[Mari]

Kay,

Laundry is a big job and I wish it could be easier for you.


I agree that any day except Fri, Sat, Sun probably works.
I tend to go out on Thursdays and Tuesdays for my errands.

Did you go out and get new curtains?

I'm glad I was agitated because it prevented me from being walked all over. Otherwise, I never would have gotten out of there. Anyway, I got it done. But I need to find a (3rd) laundromat where all the machines aren't broken all the time.

Good for you. Sometimes agitation can spur me to the point it scares me.
In the past, even if I was not agitated at the moment, I could pull it out of
me and become wild enough that I got what I wanted -- not often
but a few times and it saved me from getting angry. Agitation from me just makes people listen to me and move out of the way whereas full on
anger could have gotten me locked up.
Now I am over medicated so much that
that does not happen.

. . .nice to have bipolar skills if you think about it.
(Try to find the benefits where you can. )


M

[OhKay]

Originally Posted by Mari

Good for you. Sometimes agitation can spur me to the point it scares me.
In the past, even if I was not agitated at the moment, I could pull it out of
me and become wild enough that I got what I wanted -- not often
but a few times and it saved me from getting angry. Agitation from me just makes people listen to me and move out of the way whereas full on
anger could have gotten me locked up.
Now I am over medicated so much that
that does not happen.

. . .nice to have bipolar skills if you think about it.
(Try to find the benefits where you can. )


M

I used to a "tell it like it is" type of attitude, I was blunt, but not in a rude way. I rarely lost my temper, but I was never afraid to tell someone where to go if I had to. But there were plenty of incidents in the past where I became agitated or ****** off and took it too far, especially when I was drinking…
Between the all the Seroquel I take, and increased problems with anxiety, I have mostly lost that fire. I let a lot of **** fly that I never would have in the past, but sometimes my old self makes appearances.

Agitation can have its benefits, I get impatient and tired of rude people and let them know I'm ****** about it, but it upsets me after I have a significant reaction to something because I'm not comfortable with confrontation anymore. It gets results, but sometimes I don't feel like I have enough control over myself, which is something I do not like. If my agitation is severe because I'm manic, I literally have to isolate myself because I have almost zero control.