early this morning I remembered that my mother and i went to a female psychiatrist after my father died. I had quit my job. I could no longer work. I had gotten into a huge fight with my sister. when my father was dying my mother took myra and me and the three boys out for dinner to a nice place she never did that for me) and at the end of the meal she said she was tired and wanted to go home. myra asked the boys if they wanted dessert. they said yes. my mother repeated that she wanted to go home and that she was tired. she was in her seventies. myra told her to lie down and let the boys have their dessert and then we would go.i was very angry and kept on saying that she was tired and daddy was dying. later on after he died myra made a joke to my mother's best friend about how mother fell asleep when we went out to eat. I defended my mother and said that wasn't true and that she had repeatedly asked to go home because she was tired and that myra wanted the boys to have dessert. later that night it escalated and i was really mean and said that is why your husband went after other women because of your selfishness. myra shrieked and told mother to get rid of me.
then myra threatened to leave to our senior aunts at 10:30 at night. she didn;;t. the next day mother said that her bleeding ulcer was going to act up and she was going to bleed to death if i didn't leave. what could I do?
so later on we went to a psychiatrist. I came in from new york. I repeatedly asked my mother if front of the psychiatrist why didn't she send myra home.
she kept on changing the subject. finally my mother said myra would be more use to her at that point. that explained my mother's behavior and part of my behavior all these years because it was always about my mother and not about myra. I guess that is what I needed a therapist for. what a release.
I think that is why i keep on staying in the apartment. I feel just too vulnerable..
bobby