just spoke with Suri and she gave me a way to view my life. she said most things are superficial and she loves to talk to me because I am always trying to talk to God. I told her I was beating myself up because stella called and it was a beautiful day and wanted to know if I wanted to get some coffee. I said I was too tired. I really wanted to stay in bed and think of God. Suri said I am on the right path and not to beat myself up. I was doing something really important.
bobby

I think Suri is right. She can help you as you help her

The Rexulti worked pretty fast for me. How much did your pdoc give you, and when do you increase your dose? I think I started out with 1/2mg then went up to 1mg.

I understand how you feel about feeling pleasure in eating ice cream, and not wanting anything else

I'm glad that you have plans with friends for the holidays

Bobby,

Good to hear that you talked to Suri. Also that you saw Cecilia.

I hope that the new med helps you.


M

I don't have plans for tomorrow. I am on 1 mg. Suri really helped me and I have a new attitude.

That's great news. Suri must be a special person.

M

I'm so glad that Siri helped you!
It is amazing that you have a new attitude after you spoke with her. Mari is right... she must be a very special person.

I think 1mg is the max dose for Rexulti... at least it's the highest dose I've ever taken, and usually I max out on everything lol. It may take longer for it to work for you because your depression is so f'ing stubborn. I am optimistic that you will see some difference

suri is a very special person. Her cancer has a bad prognosis but I think she will make it.
I am very depressed but she helped in one aspect big time.
I have to stop spending. I think I do it because of the depression. right now I have a lot of packages to pick up downstairs. I have been buying tops. I will try not to go to ebay. I also have to figure out how to be happy while still being depressed. The cats have been very affectionate and that has helped but the depression is really bad. I don't know how long the market will continue to go down which is really scary. I am not doing anything about it. I just have to spot spending. I am still itchy. I have so many things to appreciate in my life but they won't cut into the depression. Marci is such a good person. Yesterday CEcilia called. she has a bad cold and once again is afraid of having cancer. I realized she needs me as much as I need her. I just told her she doesn't have cancer but she pushes herself way to much and has to stop. she might not go away today. she does agility class once a week besides attending a lot of trials on weekends outside the city. the agility class alone is two hours each way and an hour for each dog. she can't recover. I told her I would help find another teacher but she says she is paid up til March.
so far the new medication isn't helping and the depression is worse. I am also now ambivalent about getting the new kitty cat. since pudge was given a lion cut and is almost furless she is sleeping with me and abby seems to be less angry at me. I don't think she recognized pudge and thought I brought a new kitty to the house.
I am no longer beating myself up and just realize that I very lonely. I think I will order some chinese food for lunch
merry xmas

I think that not getting Pika ended up being a good thing. Adding another kitty to the household would have disrupted everything. But now your kitties are being really affectionate... things do work out for the best

I'm sorry that you are so lonely, and your so deeply depressed, Bobby. I really hope that the Rexulti works for you

It sounds like Cecilia really does need you as much (or more) than you need her. I don't know how you comfort her, or try to reassure her, that she doesn't have cancer when she is constantly convinced she has it. Did she have it in the past?
It does sound like she is running herself into the ground with the Agility training/drills for her dogs.

I hope you enjoy your Chinese food

she had cancer 16 years ago and had to have a trachetomy(sp)-she had a 50 50 chance of survival. the same kind as michael douglas.
I still might get roberta who is four pound scottish fold. It might mess things up but she is supposedly so sweet and lovable.
realizing how lonely I am lifted some of the depression. Part of me wants to be alone. weird.
I just had some cookies and a brownie from meals on wheels so I am not now sure about the chinese food.
love
bobby

What Cecilia went through is terrible. I'm so glad she made it through it. I wonder if she has PTSD?

Love to you today Bobby (((HUGS)))