Your heart rate was high.
Were you more anxious than usual yesterday?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

lately it has been high

I am depressed. I ate a whole pie and threw out the other. I had a good session with my therapist. She mentioned going downtown and seeing an Indian wedding with a white horse all dressed up. She asked if I would be comfortable with a wheelchair. Later I spent about ten minutes talking about my explosion and its impact and why I just want to die if I have cancer because after the pain and experience of the hospital I can't take any more, /she heard me. then the rabbi came over for an hour. It was wonderful. H wanted to know all about me. He liked my ideas. He said in the Talmud there was a phrase something like suffering was a gift from God. I had mentioned that in reference that to my bipolar.

I'm so glad that your trip out with Marci, and your visits with the PT, your therapist and the Rabbi went so well

You are going through those books so quickly! They must be very good, and real page turners!

my sleep is awful. i have been getting about 2 1/2 hours a night instead of my usual four which is awful. i think about death a lot. what a mess

Even 4 hours is not enough, Bobby
Do you think anything is causing or contributing to your insomnia?

I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now
Have you discussed your thoughts about death with your therapist or the Rabbi? If so, what have they had to say about it?

Sending you love and good thoughts (((HUGS)))

my therapist said to try to distract myself. My Rabbi said he is frightened of death because it is unknown. I am very lonely. Most of the time is spent by myself. I slept two solid hours when Marci was here on Tuesday. I wonder if her presence made me feel safe. Maybe I don't feel safe being alone so much. I need another therapist because this one disturbs me. I keep on thinking now of the white horse all dressed up she saw in the village. She is counterproductive for me because it makes me feel more isolated and trapped. She also asked how I would feel with a wheelchair. I found that so upsetting. I have to insulate myself without isolating myself. I am sort of sore from the p.t. so am afraid to meet stella for coffee a block and a half away. I feel sorry for myself which isn't good I know. I could always try to meet stella and take a cab if I can't walk the short distance coming back. I am so worried about money because I am still spending too much. I just ordered two pounds of candy so I am worried about my prediabetes and I ate that whole 9 inch cherry pie and threw out the other one and threw out a box of cookies. i am so worried about my weight

I am sure it is hard living alone. and you are very isolated.

I can't imagine m life with out jeff.
Dieting is hard, i forget Have you tried the weight watchers diet before? or maybe the south beach again.
I am very depressed about my weight but need to really buckle down and get serious about losing weight.
maybe we could start a new thread about weight management?
I would do this with you if you want to try.
bizi

I think i am manic right now so that is why I just bought two pounds of candy.
I no longer am on the south beach diet. it got boring. when I am like this I am uncontrollable.. I have to let it pass

this time i woke up at 1:30 and started reading