I guess I can understand not knowing what to say in response to some of my posts... I don't think that anyone here has had to share the same experiences from BP that I have to, and I don't even talk about all of it.

Not being able to sit still at all is an absolutely miserable feeling.
And the back and forth with meds working for a short period of time, and then not, is SOOOOO FRUSTRATING, and it's always SOOOOO DISAPPOINTING when my hypo/mania comes back. Paranoia isn't exactly fun either, but at least I haven't been hallucinating. This isn't the first time this has happened, and in the past, sometimes I have struggled to get back to 'baseline" for MONTHS. And there is always the risk of hospitalization...
In the meantime, I abuse my body by doing ridiculous things that I should not be doing. And right now, my eating and sleeping are hard. In the last 2 weeks, I have lost about 5lbs, which is not unusual when I'm struggling like this. I'm not heavy anymore, so I hope I don't lose anymore weight.


Yesterday was 1 night on the (increased) 4.5mg dose of Vraylar, and I spent the day cleaning everything in sight. So, in 3 days, I have cleaned my entire apartment again. It's f'ing spotless.

Today (after night 2 on 4.5mg), I was slightly less agitated this morning, and I am tired and sore from the cleaning, but I am still hypo, so I will be increasing the Vraylar to 6mg tonight.

I know that the problems with my upstairs neighbors are triggering me. Normally, I would be able to handle the situation better

Last night, Corey was really s/faced and was really contributing to my agitation and anxiety about the situation. I have to speak to him about that before he starts drinking because I don't need to deal with anymore s-.

I have no deal with paranoia so I know how much fun that is. You must be burning so many calories with your mania. I am sorry. Thank God you like ice cream and chocolate. Just think how much more weight you would be losing.
No tv show would help you. Does the news hold your interest? It sounds like the kitty cats are behaving lately. I hope I didn't jinx you.
love
bobby

Kay

Can you eat ice cream and things like that and it help. Just curious.

For me it would. But then in my case I'd gain weight which I don't
need to. In my case. I can't seem to lose it.

I hope I can at some time.

Keep talking to us Kay, hopefully we can help you.

Donna

I can not imagine what you are going thru.
Hopeful that the 6mg will help stabilize you.
Keep in touch please.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I was so exhausted yesterday I thought for sure I would be able to take a nap, but nope. All I did was roll around in bed. I needed sleep, so I smoked some pot, but I still couldn't sleep, and ended up exhausted AND stoned lol. At least I could sit still a little better.

I took the 6mg dose of the Vraylar last night, and woke up a little worse off this morning when compared to yesterday. My psycho-motor agitation is worse, and I'm more agitated in general. I hope I wake up better off tomorrow

Bobby is right... I can thank eating all that crap for not losing more weight. It's really all that is appealing to me. I manage to get some regular food down tho.

When I'm like this, it's hard to find anything aside from things like cleaning that will hold my attention because I have to keep moving. I get up a million times when I'm reading and posting here.

I spoke to Corey when he got home from work yesterday...
I told him how his behavior effected me, and he apologized.
I said that I didn't want to talk about our neighbors AT ALL unless a problem arises. Then, I will go to the office the next business day and we can talk about what happened there, and decided how we would handle things.
Those neighbors (Ellen and Adam) are loud in general, so they will be hard to ignore overall, but I think that this will be the best, and only, tactic to take to lower my anxiety over the situation.
I'm not going to talk to Mary about them either. I figured out that I can't really trust her, and it came back to bite me in the *****. I don't want to get into how I figured that out tho...

I was passed out on the couch around 11:30pm when Ellen banged on my door and woke me up. I heard a very faint alarm, and when I opened the door, she said there was a fire in the laundry room (2 units away but in the same building). So, I had to wake poor Corey (who has to work today) up, so we could get out of the apartment.

So there we were... Mary, Ellen, Adam, Corey and I. It was awkward, but Ellen and Adam were both being friendly. Ellen stood by my side the whole time, and I think that in body language that means that she was trying to align herself with me/buddy up with me.

Anyway, Mary asked me if they were better on Thursday, and I told her I just didn't want to talk about it at all. So, she asked if they were worse, and I said "no, no." But I repeated that I didn't want to talk about it. I should have said that they were better, but Corey was right there, and he would NOT have liked that because even tho they were quieter they said and did some shitty things.
I think I will break my rule and tell Mary (or even Ellen) that they were better. They're a/h's, but they obviously tried, and I don't want to send them the wrong message, and have them get worse again.

There was a TON of smoke. There's was a dryer on the lawn this morning, so I guess that's what started the fire. We were only outside for about 20 minutes.
I can't believe how QUIET the alarm for the building is. We never would have heard it had Ellen not knocked on our door, and I was only about 8ft away from the one in our apartment. That's kinda scary...

I am so sorry all these awful things are happening to you..you can't seem to catch a break..soon it will happen....I just feel it. Something has got to work out with your neighbors. Can you tape them and then play it back to them.
They won't be embarrassed will they? Play it to the office. It has got to stop.
I would have freaked out with the fire.
love
bobby
how are the kitty cats doing?
xanax works better for me than klonopin although sometimes i feel like a zombie.

oh kay I am sorry for the fire. Glad that your neighbor woke you up.I am hoping with time that your meds will help with your agitation. sorry about not getting a nap and that you tossed and turned.
Any nausea this morning?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

How was Judy and how did your nails turn out?
bizi

Kay

I think I'd be checking out the alarm's they shouldn't be quiet they
should honestly be loud. I'd be asking at the office if they could
come check yours out.

May be even see if yours is needing a new battery, if they run on
batteries.

Donna

how are you doing today? and what happen to THEM last night?
Love
bobby