I know it is extremely difficult to lose a mother. I lost mine 22 years ago when I was 17. It did get easier for me over time, but it is still hard at times. I think of her often, and I'm comforted by the feeling that she's with me always.

Dear Blue. I know how grief also makes you physically ill. It's like our souls' pant, and heaviness is continual. The guilt is false guilt, and try to dismiss it.
I know how bad it can hurt, and sometimes you can't tell if it is emotional, or physical. Some times I believe its both. Sometimes we find ourselves taking sudden gasps of air and things like that. I'm glad that you came back to us, but I'm sorry that you are hurting so much. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thank you for your kind words Blue.

My mother had been in bad health for a few years. She was not
doing very well and was in an nursing home. But it was still
very fast and not expected. 3 of my sisters lived right there in
town were she lived, and I lived in a town about 1 1/2 hours
away. I visited as much as I could and took my youngest son
who was the closest to her. My other son's went as much as
they could. But we did as much as we could. One of my sisters
is having a really hard time with her passing, much more than I am
I think. But hopefully she will get through it too.

I also miss Waves, if anyone talks to her tell her I said Hi please.

Donna :grouphug::hug:

I talked to waves a couple of years ago by email. Since then my computer crashed, and I lost all the computer memory. I should have written her email down. BF:hug::hug::hug:

BrokenFriend: My friend !!! :hug: :hug: I have missed your always wisdom and beautiful words.... :hug: You made me cry (in the "good" way) I used to say that "all I have left is my faith".... It is more difficult now.... I want to believe... it is just that this depression plus grief are.... making my heart act more like a stone :(

so sorry for your problems !!! I so wish I could help somehow... :/

I missed you so much guys !!!
:hug: :grouphug:

Oh... sad that waves left. She was so wise !

You are right Mary.... Grief does very weird things to our brains.... It has changed me very deeply... in a bad way so far unfortunately.... :/ I lost my faith, I feel guilty, I have lost interest in everything, in life.... Im paranoid... I cry all the time.... Im not myself anymore.... I dont enjoy music the way I used to.... I dont want to have children anymore because they wont have a grandma....

Oh, and I have become VERY envious of anyone that still has mom.... my cousins for example...

I dont understand life.... and that hurts me deeply... why me ? why my mom ? why now ? all that....

Aw my Kay.... Isnt it the worst pain ever ? Can I ask, what happened to your mom and, when did you started to feel "normal" again ? Im still like, a zombie in a bad mood all the time... or crying... yeah, Im not who I used to be.... All I want is to see my mom again.... Im mad with God, life, the universe... everything, everyone.... :(

You know what tears my heart apart every time I think about it ? I have missed my grandma my whole life.... she passed away when I was 3... Im 36 years old now and all my life I have complained for not having my grandma.... she cooked delicious, she painted, she liked to make clothes for everybody.... and I couldnt enjoy her.... and now my mother.... If I ever have a boyfriend, she wont meet him.... If I ever get married she wont be there.... if I ever get kids, well, she wont be there.... you know, that's very hard.... I simply cant deal with this :(

My Mom and I are not close. There is nothing wrong exactly except that
we do not connect.

When we do talk, we talk about books she has read or that I recommend for her
or about her work with her County Master Gardeners where she
talks with other gardeners.
Lately she teaches composting and other aspects of gardening.


You are blessed to have memories of closeness with your Mom.

M