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Thank you Bizi :hug: You are too kind.... I have always considered myself a coward :o
I do not what exactly life wants from me.... it keeps throwing me rocks you know... I wanted to go to Las Vegas, I think I told you... well, apparently there is no time for my aunt to get her VISA and I cant picture myself alone there.... Oh well.... I tried I guess.... Im tired.... every time I try to do something, I fail... I AM AN EFFING FAILURE. When will things star going well for me. :icon_cry: Quote:
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You are not a coward! And are not a failure either.
You are still grieving which is normal.:( hugs to you my dear! ((((((HUGS))))) bizi |
Blue. You are not a coward. Not at all. It's a problem somewhere in the emotions, and biochemicals that process your emotions. It's a lot of sensitivity. The mental health challenges you face are hard to deal with. You are strong. You get through every day. I believe in you. BF:hug::hug::hug:
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You have every right to be angry, Blue, but you can’t indulge those feelings forever, or they will wear on your spirit, and take over your personality :hug::hug::hug:
I agree with Donna in that you may be suffering from intermittent explosive disorder, and I agree with BF that you need help that your current pdoc is not providing you with. Meds cannot cure us, but they can treat our symptoms to make life more manageable, provided that they are the right meds, and we are getting good care (((HUGS))) I’m so sorry that you do have so much to be angry and sad about. You are such a lovely person with so much to offer. I would love to see you happier. You deserve all good things in life. |
Majo
First, maybe your aunt can't get her visa as soon as you want to go to Las Vegas this time. But have her get it anyway. That way she has it when you want to go again. Think for the future. You need to help her plan. She may not know these things. Donna :hug::grouphug: |
Hi Blue!
It's been quite a while since we've heard from you. Please check in when you can... you are missed!!! I hope you are doing okay (((HUGS))) |
Blue. How are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a while. Are you doing okay? If not, we are all here struggling together. Please come back. BF:hug::hug::hug:
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Thinking of you blue!
(((((HUGS))))) bizi |
Thank you my dear friends,
I have been in a deep dark hole and while I do appreciate your empathy, support and love so much, some days I feel like I should not "pollute" you with my negativity, my problems.... you know, days are gray for me all the time... I swear I keep trying to look the bright side of things but, it doesnt work.... Im surrounded by people that keep making me feel irritated and stressed but I need to work, I need the money so, here I am.... trying to cope the lack of compassion of this people.... I dont know why cant they simply leave me alone. Today specially Im having a hard time trying not to cry in front of this people.... Everything makes me teary.... my heart and soul literally aches and I just wanna quit from everything.... |
I am sorry blue that you are struggling.
thank you for coming and sharing. never forget we are here for you. ((((((HUGS))))) bizi |
:hug: :hug: :hug:
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Hi, Blue,
I wish better days for you. M |
Hope you are having a better day. I know that sounds hollow but the folks here know what you are going through and so do I. I crawl out of my deep dark hole several times a day. When I do see the sun shine, I try to make the best of it just like you!
You deserve to see the sun shine and feel peace. Take care |
Hi Blue. ((Hugs)) ((Hugs)) ((Hugs)) I know what you mean. It's very difficult. BF:hug::hug::hug:
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Twin :hug:
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Thinking of you blue.
(((((((HUGS)))))) bizi |
((((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))))
:hug::grouphug::hug::grouphug: |
:(
Oh what a lovely surprise to come here all depressed and devastated and found your messages :) :hug:
Sorry that I sort of disappeared but, I have been so depressed and grief has been hitting me so hard that I did not want to come here with my dark cloud you know. I have been missing my mom a lot and, then there is this guy that I thought could be "the one" who just let me know he is living with is new gf :( I seriously do not understand how life works.... he was so charming with me and.... oh well. I remember 12 years ago, I actually came to this forums because I was very sick, just recently diagnosed AND there was this guy I loved who was getting married.... :rolleyes: I feel like this pain is a deja vu.... with of course, the extra of my mom beind dead and me being way too older than at that time and with zero hope left. I am pretty bad coping with life. I take my meds, I read therapy books, I talk to my therapist as much as needed... and still, my heart has like a .... deep cup right in the middle that sort of aches ? it feels like a burn.... I get anxious thinking I simply cant call my mom or talk to this guy again.... :( I really really hope you are doing better than me. And please, if you know good books about grief and breakups that have personally helped you, let me know. Lots of love, Majo |
Mayo
We love you and miss you. And I for one hope you find your way back more often. I don't know any book names but will keep an eye out. Have really missed you. Donna |
Thank you Donna :hug:
How are you ? Im hurting so much. :( Quote:
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Hey Blue!
We haven't met yet. I'm newer here. Call me Gee! I technically don't have bipolar2 dx, but I have a dx of unspecified bipolar presenting with depression at the time. I've had elevated moods before and after though, but the after ones, at least, haven't qualified as elevated enough according to my GP (and well I'm not complaining since I haven't done anything reckless and just had good moods after so long and was productive). But before dx, I did feel like I was having sort of mixed episodes and/or just dysphoric moods and that was no bueno. Is your name (username) Latina by chance? Er Latino? (Quick Google makes me think I was right, but it is masculine) Anyway, I'm so sorry to hear about your circumstances and I'm sending you good thoughts. Wish I could say something more profound, but I will echo the thought that you stick around. Of course, I hope that circumstances improve though. Actually, I don't know any books, but on my PC (I'm on my tablet now) I have a bookmark about dealing with grief from PsychCentral archives. (The sister site to this forum) I wasn't going through a permanent loss (death), but I was going through a different kind of permanent loss and was grieving. Took me like 2 or 3 years to fully get over it. Sigh! (IT was a loss of a friendship that I had been very attached to and thought they felt the same thing) While it wasn't a romantic loss, I've been told that losing a friendship can hurt just as much, and it did. :/ So, I can relate to your current loss too, and the shock by it too. I'm so sorry. Hugs! I'll try getting that link for you soon! :) |
I am so sorry you are suffering so much. I think being bipolar exacerbates it and makes one have such negative thoughts. I just lost my best friend from cancer a few months ago. she fought it for 3 1/2 years. I am so obsessed with death now and haven't been able to deal with her loss. I know I should try to focus on the good memories. and think her mission on earth was accomplised and she is no longer suffering.Have you tried praying? I don't know what else helps besides time. I blame bipolar on having poor judgment in choice of men too. Try to look for somebody who is kind to you and who appreciates all that you have to offer. I never thought that when I was younger. I was attracted to excitement which I also blame on bipolar. I know this sounds awful but instead of focusing on what you don't have think of all the people who have far less than you have.. I think that is awful but I think it helps. I just started trying that when somebody suggested it. May God forgive me.
You are so special and loved. May your suffering ease. fondly bobby |
Hello Gee !
Nice to meet you !!! Thank you so much for your words, they mean a lot. Im latin, yes, Im Mexican :) (Im a girl). Losing a friend.... this is more or less my case, I mean, we never properly dated.... I just had a glimpse of hope, that, if I were patient maybe we would one day.... bleh. Too sad. :hug: Quote:
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Thank you so much for this Bobby, you cant imagine how much I appreciate your time, your words. I feel pretty lonely. I had the urge to tell everybody about my "loss" since he told he was living with his girlfriend and, well, every single person left me in "read" but never replied, or say anything.... oh well :rolleyes:
I blame my mental health for many things and pain in my life too now that I think about it.... Right now for example, I am obsessed imagining him with her, kissing, cuddling, etc, hurting myself so much and I cant stop. Obsession is bad. I have to admit I have problems with praying.... maybe because I do not understand it... I feel like I have prayed a lot all my life to no avail.... :( Thank you so so much for thinking of me as special :hug: You are too kind, Much love, Majo Quote:
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I really think your prayers are helping you whether you feel it or not. It brings you closer to God which is so wonderful even if it doesn't feel comforting. If only you could stop torturing yourself. I do the same thing. It is bipolar. I read a lot of happy ending stories to escape painful emotions. Of course a lot of times I feel too rotten to read. I have two kitty cats that comfort me. I wonder if you are any pets. I don't know how much spare time you have. I am retired.
It can be so very painful to be bipolar and have no control over it. Take good care. love bobby |
I'm doing ok. Me and Derrick, and hubby are at home right now going on 6 weeks now. Thanks to this mess. Derrick and hubby go to town to shop for groceries and medicines. And my asthma keeps me in as much as possible
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Hi Blue. We love you. I'm sorry that you are grieving. BF:hug::hug::hug:
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Hi, Major!
I send love and hope. M |
I'm sending love and hugs :grouphug: :Heart: :grouphug: :Heart: :grouphug:
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Hi blue, maybe you are having some grief some over your mothers death.???? Just wondering out loud. love your way bizi |
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