I am so glad Donna!

Meh my friends....
Im feeling so angry today... I think every day I become a bitter and bitter person.... Im so jealous of my cousins because they still have their moms.... I can say I hate them.... :confused::eek::( I know that sucks, but Im just being honest.... it is a chain reaction... because I immediately become mad at God but giving me the worst things always compared to my family.... I hate life.... I hate myself.... Gosh, I hate too much everything.... :confused: Nothing gives me pleasure, I always anxious.... I mean, I have my xanax and my prozac here, but, they just... like, STOP my brain but, that is not....me ? :confused:

Argh. I feeling like self harming but Im not gonna do it. because.... because no.

:(

Blue

Be as angry with the cousins and things as you need to. That is
the easiest way to get through this. Now start a conversation that
you would have with your mom. Tell her how it feels without her
here. And what you would tell her if she was here. I wish you
lived closer to me. I'd adopt you as a daughter. I always wanted
and daughter. And I'd love to have another adopted daugther
to have tell me her problems.

Just remember thats what we are all here for. To be helpful
with what you need.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

(((((Donna))))))
Donna.... Thank you for always being so sweet, warm and kind with me... ALWAYS. I so wish we lived closed.... :hug: :hug: :hug:

I just got me a journal and write to my mom all the time... but.... oh my God... the pain I feel in my heart is.... just.... too much.... I dont know if I can handle this pain any longer.... :(

Blue

You can handle this blue it is just going to take time. And patience.

keep learning to work through your anxiety. And keep working through your life and things.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I'm so sorry. Hang in there. I lost my sister, so I know how grief hurts.

Eccl.3 To everything there is a season...

friend you have a lot to grieve over.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi:hug:

I understand that hate and jealousy, Blue. I STILL get jealous when people tell stories about their mothers, what they do with their mothers, and what their mothers do for them.

It's okay to be angry. You have a right to be. Sometimes I get angry about things too, including the fact that my mother is gone. Just let yourself be angry sometimes :hug::hug::hug:

It sounds like you are being overwhelmed by many different feelings right now, but at the same time, you are numb, and you feel the need for an release... please do not hurt yourself. Try to vent to us, or go to your pdoc instead :hug::hug::hug:

I wish I could take your pain away (((HUGS)))

Thank you Donna :hug: You bring me hope and calm.

Speaking of anxiety, last week was particularly HORRENDOUS. :eek: Doc gave me xanax (second time in my life I take it, the other was one month after mom died) for emergencies like last week.... My friends, it was horrible.... I couldnt stop listening to my own brain overthinking everything, evertyhing crappy of course.... I couldnt sleep because my mind wouldnt stop talking to me.... HORRIBLE. Im feeling better today.... I think I wont take xanax today... Who has taken xanax here and how has been your experience with it ?

Hey B Friend ! Eccl.3 was so beautiful !!! it made me feel peace :) I think I will have to send you a message with some questions I have after reading it if you dont mind ? :o

Thank you for sharing this with me (us) Kay.... :hug: What do you do when you are feeling angry ? I just let is be and sometimes write it in my journal.... the probelm with my anger is that sometimes I feel it is making me such a bitter person :(

Much love to all !!! :grouphug:

I let myself be angry, but not for long before I have to distract myself and fill my mind with other thoughts. I guess what I'm saying is it's okay to be angry for a little while, but you have to be able to move on from it, or as you said, it will make you bitter and hard :hug::hug::hug:

I'm so sorry that your anxiety was so high, and Xanax made things that much worse, Blue (((HUGS)))
You obviously need something for anxiety, but Xanax isn't it. There are other anti-anxiety meds out there, like Klonopin, that you can take on an as needed basis. You should let your pdoc know about your experience, and ask for something else for emergencies. You should have something on-hand so you don't have to struggle with your anxiety :hug::hug::hug:

Most of the time, I only take 1mg of Klonopin in the morning now, when my anxiety is at its highest, but sometimes I need a lot more than that.
My experience with Xanax was when I was much more f'ed up, and I took it 3 times a day because I needed it... I probably needed more than that. It worked well and fast, especially if I was having an anxiety attack. It can be sedating, like the other benzo's tho. I took Klonopin before that, and at one point (when I was better), I asked to be put back on Klonopin because I felt like it worked longer. It works pretty well for me when I'm just dealing with anxiety.

Please contact your pdoc to ask for a different anti-anxiety med. Something will work for you :hug::hug::hug: