Hi, Majo,

I'm so very sorry that you are grieving.
I hope that you have people in real life you can talk to.

I appreciate your beautiful thoughts of how special your Mom was.
It seems that you two were close.


For some, part of the grieving process might involve feeling that you
did not do enough for her but you know that she loved you.
Please try not to be hard on yourself. (Grief can do weird things
to our brains.)


Waves left our board about about two years ago.
The last I heard she moved to London, England

M

I know it is extremely difficult to lose a mother. I lost mine 22 years ago when I was 17. It did get easier for me over time, but it is still hard at times. I think of her often, and I'm comforted by the feeling that she's with me always.

Dear Blue. I know how grief also makes you physically ill. It's like our souls' pant, and heaviness is continual. The guilt is false guilt, and try to dismiss it.
I know how bad it can hurt, and sometimes you can't tell if it is emotional, or physical. Some times I believe its both. Sometimes we find ourselves taking sudden gasps of air and things like that. I'm glad that you came back to us, but I'm sorry that you are hurting so much. BF

Thank you for your kind words Blue.

My mother had been in bad health for a few years. She was not
doing very well and was in an nursing home. But it was still
very fast and not expected. 3 of my sisters lived right there in
town were she lived, and I lived in a town about 1 1/2 hours
away. I visited as much as I could and took my youngest son
who was the closest to her. My other son's went as much as
they could. But we did as much as we could. One of my sisters
is having a really hard time with her passing, much more than I am
I think. But hopefully she will get through it too.

I also miss Waves, if anyone talks to her tell her I said Hi please.

Donna

I talked to waves a couple of years ago by email. Since then my computer crashed, and I lost all the computer memory. I should have written her email down. BF

You know what tears my heart apart every time I think about it ? I have missed my grandma my whole life.... she passed away when I was 3... Im 36 years old now and all my life I have complained for not having my grandma.... she cooked delicious, she painted, she liked to make clothes for everybody.... and I couldnt enjoy her.... and now my mother.... If I ever have a boyfriend, she wont meet him.... If I ever get married she wont be there.... if I ever get kids, well, she wont be there.... you know, that's very hard.... I simply cant deal with this

My Mom and I are not close. There is nothing wrong exactly except that
we do not connect.

When we do talk, we talk about books she has read or that I recommend for her
or about her work with her County Master Gardeners where she
talks with other gardeners.
Lately she teaches composting and other aspects of gardening.


You are blessed to have memories of closeness with your Mom.

M

Blue (((Hugs))) (((Hugs))) (Hugs))) You have been through so much.

Aw my Kay.... Isnt it the worst pain ever ? Can I ask, what happened to your mom and, when did you started to feel "normal" again ? Im still like, a zombie in a bad mood all the time... or crying... yeah, Im not who I used to be.... All I want is to see my mom again.... Im mad with God, life, the universe... everything, everyone....

My mum passed away from lung cancer that metastasized to her brain. I took care of her (and my little brother) before and after school, and on weekends. Before that, we were close, but not close. She was a wonderful woman, but not a good mother. We grew very close while I was taking care of her though.

I was able to ask her difficult questions, and to get closure before she passed away, which I'm sure made things easier on me than you... but when she was gone, the hospital bed was no longer in the living room, and I actually had free time, I was in shock.

My mother was a teacher at my high school, so during my senior year (she passed away the summer before), there were reminders of her everywhere, and the other teachers may have thought they were being helpful by talking about her to me all the time, but they weren't. I'm BPI, but I was deeply depressed most of the time, and started drinking a lot, which obviously numbs things, and that became a problem for me, especially as I accumulated more unrelated problems.

I never stopped thinking of her, but he thoughts became less frequent, and they slowly and silently changed. Over time, I started to think more about happy things/memories and could smile and laugh more about them. I think that's the stage of grief known as acceptance. I would say that it took me a couple of years to get to that point.

I can totally understand how you may feel about your mother not being with you when you reach those major milestones in life like getting married and having children, since I was so young when my mother passed away. She did not get to see me graduate from high school...
I know it can be a scary proposition to think about the future, and going forward with things like, that without your mother's presence and support, but it sounds like she was a great lady, and I'm sure she would want those things for you. You are still young (you're 2 yrs younger than me)

I can feel your pain when I read your posts. I wish I could take that pain away from you. I know that you will start healing, tho it may be slow. Please try to be open to it, however hard that is (((((HUGS)))))