I understand that hate and jealousy, Blue. I STILL get jealous when people tell stories about their mothers, what they do with their mothers, and what their mothers do for them.

It's okay to be angry. You have a right to be. Sometimes I get angry about things too, including the fact that my mother is gone. Just let yourself be angry sometimes

It sounds like you are being overwhelmed by many different feelings right now, but at the same time, you are numb, and you feel the need for an release... please do not hurt yourself. Try to vent to us, or go to your pdoc instead

I wish I could take your pain away (((HUGS)))

Thank you Donna You bring me hope and calm.

Speaking of anxiety, last week was particularly HORRENDOUS. Doc gave me xanax (second time in my life I take it, the other was one month after mom died) for emergencies like last week.... My friends, it was horrible.... I couldnt stop listening to my own brain overthinking everything, evertyhing crappy of course.... I couldnt sleep because my mind wouldnt stop talking to me.... HORRIBLE. Im feeling better today.... I think I wont take xanax today... Who has taken xanax here and how has been your experience with it ?

Hey B Friend ! Eccl.3 was so beautiful !!! it made me feel peace I think I will have to send you a message with some questions I have after reading it if you dont mind ?

Thank you for sharing this with me (us) Kay.... What do you do when you are feeling angry ? I just let is be and sometimes write it in my journal.... the probelm with my anger is that sometimes I feel it is making me such a bitter person

Much love to all !!!

I let myself be angry, but not for long before I have to distract myself and fill my mind with other thoughts. I guess what I'm saying is it's okay to be angry for a little while, but you have to be able to move on from it, or as you said, it will make you bitter and hard

I'm so sorry that your anxiety was so high, and Xanax made things that much worse, Blue (((HUGS)))
You obviously need something for anxiety, but Xanax isn't it. There are other anti-anxiety meds out there, like Klonopin, that you can take on an as needed basis. You should let your pdoc know about your experience, and ask for something else for emergencies. You should have something on-hand so you don't have to struggle with your anxiety

Most of the time, I only take 1mg of Klonopin in the morning now, when my anxiety is at its highest, but sometimes I need a lot more than that.
My experience with Xanax was when I was much more f'ed up, and I took it 3 times a day because I needed it... I probably needed more than that. It worked well and fast, especially if I was having an anxiety attack. It can be sedating, like the other benzo's tho. I took Klonopin before that, and at one point (when I was better), I asked to be put back on Klonopin because I felt like it worked longer. It works pretty well for me when I'm just dealing with anxiety.

Please contact your pdoc to ask for a different anti-anxiety med. Something will work for you

Oh LOL, I re-read my message and I see how I screwed it up... What I meant to say was that Xanax rescued me from my ultra horrible anxiety Sorry about the misunderstanding.... My anxiety was horrible, xanax was not hehe. I took xanax in emergencies like that one

I was really tired of my brain which wouldnt stop "talking"...

I'm sorry I misread your post, Blue

I re-read it keeping in mind that it was your anxiety was so terrible, and it was not a result of the Xanax. It sounds like you were suffering from a really bad case of "catastrophic thinking," which is common for people who suffer from anxiety

You don't have to decide from day to day (in advance) whether or not you will take the Xanax unless you know you will have to drive somewhere, operate heavy equipment (lol), or be particularly on top of your game for some other reason.
When the time comes, if you feel like you need it, take it. That's why you have the prescription for it

Xanax is good for panic, anxiety, and depression. It basically works for four hours. I've been taking it for years, usually four times a day. Take the same amount, and don't take more, and more of it. If you take more, and more of it, it stops working. BF

Just to clarify Blue, BF is entirely correct. Many people taking benzo's regularly overuse them (or abuse them) and they no longer work like they should. I know someone who has blown through both Klonopin and Xanax doing that.

But you are taking Xanax as needed, so that's different. it's okay to take it more than once a day if you are experiencing strong anxiety.
What's important is that you make sure that you follow the directions that your pdoc has given you