hi blue,
am so sorry you are so down.....You are grieving the loss of your mom. That is what this is all about.
grief is weird....it will hit you in waves.
I am sorry for the pain that you are experiencing.
I can't tell you when it will get better, but I hope for your sake it is gentle on you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I'm so sorry, Blue. If I could do anything to help you, I would.


I'm hoping you feel better at some point.

Thank you Bizi, thank you Mari... I mean, thank you everyone... deeply.

I have been having severe episodes of fury... like, I broke the refrigerator with my hand the other day 🙄 and the washer and yeah... I have strong bones I can tell... have you ever experienced anything like that ? HUGE crisis of anger !? And, if so, has anything (meds or non meds) helped you ?

Majo

I really think you need to see a pysch doctor and tell them about your anger explosions. There may be some meds to help you.
Also, do you have a therapist?
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Yeah, I have a psych doc and will tell him, just wanted to check if someone here had any experience with any meds or anything before swallowing what he will give hehe.

Never mind, psych docs know better I guess.

And I just recently left my therapist as she wasn’t helping any more... I guess Im too scientific to fully believe in therapy LOL.

Good night !

"Do you know how I feel ? I feel like Im a "joker", a "wildcard".... like, my co workers, my family members, my "friends" may enjoy my company, some of my comments, BUT, if Im not present, that is ok too, probably even better.... and that hurts me deeply..."

I hear what you are saying, and I can definitely relate. I think that you have more contact with other people than I do though. I have been through a lot, a lot recently, and I feel like my family has abandoned me. I am deeply hurt as well. I have to initiate contact with them, and it always seems generic.

I have had a lot of side effects with medications. I haven't had hallucinations (associated with meds but I have when I've been manic), but I know that they can be a side effect of some, and that must be scary (((HUGS)))
That would make me hesitant to try new meds, but it sounds like the Prozac isn't working well enough for you, and you need better med management. I can understand why you don't want to make a change tho

You are grieving for your mother, but it sounds like you are also dissatisfied with other aspects of your life as well, and I think that things are coming to a head, and that's probably where all this anger is coming from (((HUGS)))
You need a healthier outlet for your anger. IDK if it's possible for you to workout. I know that's what some people do for that reason. Maybe others on the forum can chime in with other ideas...

I wish things were better for you... I hope that things start getting better soon

We have kick boxing here!
bizi

Um, I'm going to take a stab at the anger.

And say, yes I've seen it kind of first hand. My oldest in his youth through
now. Has always had it. Any thing could get in the way. In his case
it was called intermittent explosive disorder. But he would just explode.
And I'm going to say lash out at whatever was the closest . It could
be a wall to punch, a brother to take a reclining like chair and leave
a whole in a wall because he thought he said something he didn't.

Just pulling a phone his mom was holding out of a wall because he didn't want her to talk to the person he knew she was talking to. Many more.

In his case, the medicine that works is depakote, but there are honestly
others that I have heard that others use.

I am not saying this is the same thing you are experiencing. But when
I first heard of it, I had just learned that Derrick had epilepsy and being the
mom I am had read every thing I could on epilepsy, and had read about
rage seizures. And I had first thought that Dan had rage seizures. Which
was then diagnosed with the intermittent explosive disorder. He was
just 16 years old, and his psychiatrist at the residential placement he was
in right then, which is another story. Told me she couldn't diagnose children with bipolar, that was what I had asked if she thought he had. But she could treat for what she thought he might have and it would treat both. Just in case after a while it was determined he did.
Which know he is diagnosed with both.

Donna

be careful of depakote. I gained almost seven pounds in a few weeks and I was always exhausted and slept so much. i am bipolar II with depression and anxiety so it was probably the wrong medication for me

Aw my dear Kay
Sorry that you can relate to my feelings towards my family and people in general... it certainly hurts a lot.... I feel like Im not special or important to any one.... and that makes me so depressed....

Working out.... I can walk.... but if I work out properly, like, heavy training in a gym I get.... intoxicated !!! It is true.... Im allergic to exercise ! I get full of hives and get swollen lips and eyes haha. It is funny but it is a mess at them same time... Doc explained me I produce to much histamine, who is in charge during allergic reactions Oh well.

Im weird as that LOL