I am so sorry you are suffering so much. I think being bipolar exacerbates it and makes one have such negative thoughts. I just lost my best friend from cancer a few months ago. she fought it for 3 1/2 years. I am so obsessed with death now and haven't been able to deal with her loss. I know I should try to focus on the good memories. and think her mission on earth was accomplised and she is no longer suffering.Have you tried praying? I don't know what else helps besides time. I blame bipolar on having poor judgment in choice of men too. Try to look for somebody who is kind to you and who appreciates all that you have to offer. I never thought that when I was younger. I was attracted to excitement which I also blame on bipolar. I know this sounds awful but instead of focusing on what you don't have think of all the people who have far less than you have.. I think that is awful but I think it helps. I just started trying that when somebody suggested it. May God forgive me.
You are so special and loved. May your suffering ease.
fondly
bobby

Thank you so much for this Bobby, you cant imagine how much I appreciate your time, your words. I feel pretty lonely. I had the urge to tell everybody about my "loss" since he told he was living with his girlfriend and, well, every single person left me in "read" but never replied, or say anything.... oh well

I blame my mental health for many things and pain in my life too now that I think about it.... Right now for example, I am obsessed imagining him with her, kissing, cuddling, etc, hurting myself so much and I cant stop. Obsession is bad. I have to admit I have problems with praying.... maybe because I do not understand it... I feel like I have prayed a lot all my life to no avail....

Thank you so so much for thinking of me as special You are too kind,

Much love,
Majo