Hi bizi ~ You know you have the same first name as the famous US Olympic/Equestrian Team horseback rider. She had a long history of successful riding. She won us alot of metals. I used to enjoy watching her ride.

You are correct, in that I am making strides to get off the cycle of drama/trauma and abuse. Knitting today and watching my Westerns (anything horses and I'm all good).

I have no remaining family - estrange from my two living sisters and that is that.

Most of my closest friends have passed away (due to age), so I've had to start all over again and the selection pool is very poor where i live.

I was supposed to seek out a new therapist this week (per my new psych doc's request), but it's way too difficult for me now, too many upsetting things. Will try again next week.

I am no longer married and have no children (could never carry to full term), so I love my animals - they become my kids (they always give unconditional love).

Spoke with the sick tenants best friend (C) who is a fiber artist and she is encouraging me to go to the Senior Center and start back with this. So, will consider it. I do want to start back with machine quilting.

If I can get to horses and be in a barn, my world would be alot different.

How are you and how is your weather coming along?

Blue

Hope you can figure out how to get to the senior center.

And look into the horses and barn. Maybe there is one that
would like to have a volunteer. And would help figure out
how to get you there.

Donna

Stop taking their phone calls.

Thank you Donna *smiles*. There is an equestrian park not to far from here. Looking up the horse shows today. Once I am there, I can go stand in the barn.

Blue

I have stopped receiving their phone calls, inappropriate reaction. Slept all afternoon, totally drained from the experience.

They are very concerned the police will come back to check on her and they asked me to call the police and warn them away, which I felt was unreasonable and which I didn't.. They warned me that should the police return, it could cause her to become more unstable and she was threatened by their presence, so it would be my fault if anything happened to her. I was shocked by this comment and I said nothing. Anything further said, would cause more ulglyness coming down on me. I thought to myself that I welcomed the police when they came to help me, but everyone is different.

Then I was told they are taking her out to her favorite restaurant and stopping back on the way home to pick up donuts. I asked if they could pick up a few for me, they didn't. It is rapidly apparent they are holding a grudge (C and M).

Hoping tomorrow I will be yesterday's news.

I was not shown any genuine appreciation for what I did for her. It's not that I expected anything at all, just a simple thank you acknowledging my efforts. Also, never got a thank you for taking care of their cats for two weeks. So, will tell them I am no longer offering this service. When I added up the normal cost to go to the home 2X a day to attend to their cats, I could have received about $200.00. If I decide to do this again, in the future, I will be charging $14.00 a day for two visits. Not letting anyone take advantage of me again.

So, in defense of what is happening, I ordered out from my favorite restaurant to have a good meal and desert in celebration for making it thru the last 48 hours and honoring myself. I don't think I am such a bad person, just someone that may care too much.

Blue

Blue

They are just trying to get a rise from you. I would ignore them
like you plan too. Also when they talk about treating themselves
to donuts and things, do as you did today. Just say something
like, oh that sounds so good. Please get me, and name something.

I would just continue to do that. I'm guessing they will stop giving
those kind of comments after a while.

Donna

Hi Donna ~ Yes, I see what they are doing and it won't work anymore. I blocked their cell phones for the next 48 hours and won't answer my door.

I don't understand why I am such a target at times. And I don't understand why the tables got turned against me in this manner.

It happens constantly now. I was offering to help set up and break down the tables and chairs for our community meetings and happy hour and serve during happy hour, but some of the neighbors here took swipes at me (verbally) saying unkind things about the way I dressed, etc, stuff like that. So, when I stopped participating with this, I was called a "quitter". So, I just cannot win at anything. That is why I had decided, before the drama over the s/s neighbor, to close the barn doors and stay away from everyone.

Now this............... dreadful thing I just went thru and am now being persecuted and bullied for helping the s/s neighbor.

Sleeping today helped and gave me strength to do something nice for myself.

It's just soo hard to stand up by myself and have no one around to stand beside me, constantly taking it on the chin. There is no one protecting me nor looking out for me now.

Blue

we pay our cat sitter $25 a visit.
bizi

Thank you bizi ~ I just upped my fee, that is if I do this again.

Blue

I have been having recurring dreams and through out the day I am plagued by one aspect of taking care of M's cat.

For the two weeks I cared for M's cat and M was just 10 minutes away, I would find a large serrated very sharp knife on her kitchen counter. It was there all by itself with no other dishes or utensils around it. I would put it away of course because she owns a cat and was afraid the cat would get hurt. But several days later that same large knife would appear in the same place on her kitchen counter. This occurrence happened every few days throughout the two weeks.

Wondering if this was a threat? (this was before my sick neighbor became s/s).

I have to shake my head about M and all the peculiarities that just do not add up and keeps me on guard around her. I don't know anything about her, but I do know that when she first came here, she came with nothing, just the clothing on her back and she slept on the floor for a long time.

Best thing to do is to keep away from her and never be alone with her. She just gives me the willies and I need to trust the gut reaction about M.

Blue