I am still obsessing about your former pastor. If I were you I would contact one of his superiors or even higher up and report him. He should lose his job and become a street cleaner! and learn humility and empathy.
bobby

Bobby

There are some religions and people in religions that just don't get
it. And its not healthy to try to go to others in the same group and
get another in trouble. So she is doing the right thing moving on.

She will find another group someday that will accept her and her
needs. Within a church setting, or another group.

Its just the way life is. Its kind of like the way we live in life.

Donna

Blue

You are doing things right. Odds are she will not text you back.
Will just show up trying to give you the keys to take care of the
kitty. I'd let her best friend know through texting that you aren't
available because of your own health to sit for her cat. To please
make sure she has made other arrangements.

And to ask M to make other arrangements also.

And you really appreciate her passing word on.

Donna

I still think she should report him and he should become a street cleaner. He is a disgrace.

I try not to revisit any part of my s/s attempt, including the fall-out, and the people who have disconnected from me. I have just tried my best to move on.

I would avoid discussing the cat sitting altogether. After everything that has happened, I would just tell them all to f- off.

OhKay ~ I totally agree. They now know that they cannot depend upon me for cat sitting or anything at all. I am just another tenant here, not part of their group.

I relented and went to their "afternoon tea" they were throwing for the tenants here.

There was alot of pressure and not friendly pressure for me to take care of their cats, but I stood my ground. I got sneered at, actually got sneered at for not caving in and taking care of their cats. They did not go graciously into the night, so to speak.

Well, they knew about this trip months ago and asked me two evenings before they travel to suddenly jump for them. And this is on the tails of taking care of their cats for two weeks and never got a thank you. So, no more cat sitting for anyone going forward.

This is soo hard for me because I love cats and have grown attached to their cats, but the owners of the cats are what is problematic. However, there is one more of their groopies that is not going and there is no reason why she cannot take care of them, so I don't get the pressure.

It's done, they now know.

Blue

Hi Bobby ~ The neighborhood I live in is comprised of 184 independent senior apartments. Most of the tenants here are over the age of 84 and have been here for more than 20 years. So, they joined a close-knit pack of what I call "sororities". And they are not friendly and show no interest in welcoming me. They travel in packs too, you never see any of them out alone. I will have been here two years this November and have not made one lasting friendship. Most of my closest friends have passed away since I moved here.

I had to wait until after my bankruptcy before I could make any plans to do anything at all. Since I do not drive and have no car, I have to pay for transportation here and there and mostly it is time limited. Now, fingers crossed, my debts will be discharged, I will have some extra cash to enable me to find activities outside where I live. Already started my bucket list of things I want to do. It's been years since I fell deep into credit card debt, so this will be an exciting time for me to have some financial freedom and not be dependent and stuck to the people where I live.

Of course, you made sense, thank you for your great suggestions. My psych doc wants me to do volunteer work along with getting out to do fiber and quilting classes, which I plan to do. Next week will be traveling to my community mental health clinic to talk about starting therapy. I was going to travel to do this this week, but my s/s neighbor soaked up all my emotional time, so will go next week.

Hugs,

Blue

Bobby ~ This is, by far, the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a very looooooong time!! ((( hugs ))). Wow, I just went for the Kleenex when I read what you said about me. Thank you soo much !!! This really made me soo happy to experience the warm feelings you sent to me. How very thoughtful and kind of you to extend such caring thoughts my way.

Without you and the others here, I don't know if I could have gotten thru all this as effectively as I have.

What happened with that minister was cruel. I belonged to that church for 13 years and was married by this minister. My spouse, at that time, took my discharge paperwork from my inpatient psych hospital and gave many people copies of it and my minister got a copy too.

The church I belonged to was very political and cold anyway, still it was across the street from me, I watched it being built and I never missed a service in 13 years and tithed 30% of my yearly salary faithfully. But one Sunday, I extended my hand to say hello to him while I was in the line to leave, and he immediately put his hand back in his robe and told me to move along as I was keeping up the line. While I was recovering from my s/s experience, I contacted him to see if I could come and talk to him, for spiritual counseling and he refused and told me I was no longer welcome in his church. I have to say, I will significantly stunned. I had no one to turn to. At that time, my spouse was living with my mother, so I was cut off from my family. That was in 1994. I never went back and have not gone to church on a regular basis since then. I thought of reporting him, but then I had moved into a domestic women's violence shelter and moved out of state for 3 years to hide from my spouse. As I understand it, that very rich and influential community has made him a home there. Usually the ministers are supposed to move every 3 years, he has been there since 1994.

Karma is a ***** and will one day catch up with him, I do believe. Sad thing is that I will not be there to witness this.

Blue

you reinforced my feelings big time! What you have gone through and remain so strong and healthy. I admire you so much! You should write a book and share your strength with others besides warning them about traps and how cruel people can be!
God bless you. I believe in karma too
fondly
bobby

Thank you OhKay ~ I never thought of going back and reading my former posts to see how I have been reacting with what has been going on. Every step of the way has been utterly painful for me to bear, that I have gotten caught up in all this drama and have not taken the time to take a step back and observe. Thank you for that suggestion.

And thank you for sharing your experience of when you went thru s/s. You know, I have not thought about that time until this incident happened and then everything came rushing back which was overwhelming. Thank you for helping me see I am not alone in this. Sadly, you have a story like mine to share ((( hugs )))

Today, during a "tea" which the three held, I got alot of pressure to take care of the cats from the very woman who will be here when M and MC is gone. It then struck me, why all the pressure when C can take care of them. C walked me back to my apartment and it was pressure every step and how frantic MC is now that she can't find anyone to take care of her cat (she forgot to mention M's cat too). Then I turned to her and made the remark "So, I guess it's up to you to do the pet care this weekend and are you able enough to bend down to clean the litter, etc?" Her remark was "I am not disabled, so yes, not a big problem for me". So, you are right, this is silliness, but then one has to understand the personalities involved to get the whole picture. There was no need to bully me into accepting this chore, except the need to bully me and excerpt control over me, which is what C is very good at. So, they didn't win this battle, the war is still raging.

Blue