Hi Donna ~I got a cryptic remark from C that she got my message but nothing from the sick tenant (MC) until I went to their tea this afternoon and there began the pressure to relent. During the tea, MC dangled the keys in my face and I just sat there and looked at her in confusion. She asked if she should give me the keys now or tomorrow morning. I asked her if she got my text and she walked away with no comment.

The entire two hours spent there was unbearable. The all talked about their children/grandchildren and then turned around and asked me about mine. They all know I had nothing to share in that aspect, the question was to embarrass me. Same with higher education. They all talked about their higher education and the success of their children/grandchildren and then turned to me to inquire about my higher education, again to embarrass me. Within minutes, I was on my feet gathering my things and leaving, only to be joined by C who followed me home pressuring me to take care of the cats, when all along she will be here over the weekend. She just did not want to take care of the cats and had every desire to bully me.

In talking to my psych doc today, he warned me not to socialize with them, period.

Blue

Blue

Thank you Bobby !!! It goes both ways. To see the strength in others means you mirror the same within you too, don't forget that ((( appreciation hugs ))).

My strength began in childhood when I was set apart and my differences were never celebrated and embraced by my family. Living under constant pressure with ridicule, abuse and cruelty, I turned to my animals for the missing unconditional love. So, it all began in childhood fending for myself and learning how to live alone and not depend upon anyone. I grew used to feeling rejected and loathed early on and I have come to believe that this is what is helping me today survive the cycle of abuse I keep getting caught up in.

Your friend and fondly back, Blue

Blue. My heart breaks for you and the cruelty of these grown adults. Manipulation. I think they also are trying to keep their little "secret" regarding mental health due to negative sigma. So sad. No longer your problem. They appear to be desperate toxic people. A significant red flag.

You are kind hearted and people like this target generosity. It is shocking. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Dump the "educated" trash, as I have had to do in my life.

Some of my so called friends abandoned me when I had to remove toxic people from my life. Then when my progressive neurological disease worsened (CRPS) and I could no longer work, poof. It all worked out for the best but was very hurtful.

You are functioning at a higher level than these people.

I hope you get restful sleep tonight. You deserve it!

I think you are ready to break the cycle! I think you will flourish. Now you know you are only interested in kind and generous people and you deserve them.
I am so sorry about your past. I had a cruel one too and I love animals so much. I think that is a gift.
Take care,
Bobby

Blue

My education of the higher degree isn't in my chosen field.

Its in computer programming. but I love what I do.
So I would not want a different one.

So just tell them you are doing what you want.

Donna

Donna ~ I felt like blurting out when sitting around the coffee table, each guest told about their higher education, that I went thru the school of hard knocks, lol. But I sat there and kept my mouth shut. I did major in Art in college, but not like what they were referring to.

The sick tenant asked, during this tea, how did I learn to effectively take care of her and nurse her along, since she felt I took such good care of her. I told her I learned everything from the veterinarian that I worked for, lol. That shut her up.; But I didn't share that my real education came from being a fraud analysis for HUD in the single family mortgage division and was also an expert witness during the 2008 mortgage crisis. They were all talking about their degrees and I just could not share as I had no equivalent education, my dad retired and could not afford the cost of education. However, I came close to my Associate Degree by living over a barn and taking care of horses to work off my room and board. I have thought that now that my finances are much better, going back to school and at least completing my Associate Degree in Psychology. I think I could ace that one, hahahaha.

Do you keep up with the changes in computer programming now? What is your preferred profession now?

Blue

Hello Rain shower ~ I don't believe we have met yet, nice to see you responding to my thread here

When I went thru breast cancer, I went thru it completely alone. After my inpatient and my friends and neighbors found out, I lost them too. I have had a swinging door of people coming and going in my life. Now, I am keeping my mouth shut about anything mental health due to the stigma.

I'm sorry that you had this same experience enough to share here. I understand how heartbreaking this must have been for you.

I understand that CRPS is a pain syndrome and it's associated with your progressive neurological disease. Are you on any disability insurance to help you? I went out on social security disability in 2004 due to my neurological issues. Do you wear a TENS unit and see a pain specialist for pain management?

Blue

Saw my psych doc yesterday. I am getting along much better with him now and reached a cadence with him. It's been a rough transition from my former psych doc of 30 years to starting over with a new psych doc and dealing with his method of treatment.

Staying on 12.5 mg of Lamictal for another 10 days, then will slowly increase it to 25 mg.and then continue going up. I am experiencing no side effects yet. Last time I was on Lamictal, I had significant vision problems and a daily crushing headache, so we are taking it painfully slower.

I told him that when I was put on Zyprexa, it had an immediate calming effect on my mind, so we are considering adding this back in but not right away.

Will have to be very careful with weight gain. I am already almost at 200 pounds and at 5'3", my BMI is too high.

Battling insomnia all my life and last week only getting 3 hours of sleep a night. Finding that when the sun goes down, my energy level increases and it's difficult to get restful sleep. Now, I can sleep peacefully during the daytime hours, but at night (things happened to me as a child at night), my bed is my enemy. So, I ordered a weighted blanket and it's due to come in by next Tuesday. It's 15 pounds so hoping it might help.

Just took another Benadryl and trying out Melatonin - 2.5 mg now to help me get some sleep today before the sun comes up. Since I have been averaging 3 hours of sleep or none at all since last week, my psych doc warned me about entering into a manic phase, so he pushed taking more Benadryl and trying out Melatonin. Also upped Magnesium as Restless Legs just kicked in this week.

I hear C, above me, moving around, guessing she is up now. I brought my knitting down to show C in the tea yesterday. I am making a scarf. She only said "Oh" and that was it. Thank you C for admiring my scarf, not.

Well, the meds are kicking in again, so will go back to bed, listen to the new book tape by Michelle Obama and hoping I can get some zzzz's in before dawn breaks.

Blue

oh wow. I am so glad at least you can sleep peacefully during the day. I too have sleeping problems for years. I just ordered some melatonin but I had tried it before and it didn't work. I tried Aleve P.M. for a short time and unlike prescription sleeping pills it helped a little. Now that my blood pressure is out of whack I saw that I can't take it. Good luck with the weighted blanket.
dealing with the mortgage crisis must have been fascinating. I bet you were really good. I gained so much weight from all the pills I was put on. I also have a weakness for ice cream and sometimes I am a compulsive eater, although sometimes I totally lose my appetite.
I am glad you are enjoying your book.
glad it is working out with your new psychiatrist.
fondly
bobby

Sorry for not properly introducing myself. I am relatively new to this forum also. I am on social security disability and am under the care of several doctors, one of them pain management. He is oddly enough my acupuncturist also. I have treatment resistant depression with infrequent hypomania these days. Much worse in my younger years. I live a sober life now as I used to self medicate with alcohol.

My back ground is health care and research. Worked in hospitol 15 years and clinical research 25. Primary interest mental health.

I sadly did not sleep last night either.

Take care.