On the eve of accepting a new insurance plan and figuring out if I can afford the monthly premium, I discovered that I missed 3 months of balancing my bank statements. I had to leave my former bank due to the bankruptcy and in doing so, I closed out that account before I could copy out the bank statements. So, having to try to piece the history together by copying out what I sent to my bankruptcy attorney.

I sat looking at the Quicken file on my computer and stared at it in fright. I have no memory of entering all that data over the past three months. It's mostly correct, but I have no memory how I did that. And piecing together the bank statements took all day and I'm flying by the seat of my pants not quite sure if I have all that data input correctly to give me any idea at all what my current balance really is. I did catch alot of mistakes, but not sure if they are true mistakes by duplication or not. I ordered my statements today but won't get them for another 2 weeks. I won't get paid for another 4 weeks, so any mistake I made will cost me. I will have to reconcile Quicken for another 2 weeks, yikes !!!

I can't figure out what happened to my mind those last 3 months and why I can't remember doing a simple chore of putting my expenses in my Quicken file. I did tell my psych doc that I know I have been doing alot of dissociating lately. I find myself sitting in my recliner and all of a sudden 4 hours or more disappear and I have no idea what happened to those 4 + hours. I did go to a trauma inpatient hospital years ago that specialized in dissociation disorders and they dx'ed me as DDNOS and my former psych doc always believed I dissociate a good part of the day. I also have Absonse Seizures, but those only happen a very short time, not a good chunk of the day.

I have been practicing Mindfulness and doing more Meditation lately and keeping my apartment straight and everything put back in it's place, however, I do loose an awful lot of things though out the week that I never find again. And more trauma memories are coming out in my dreams lately, so sleep is an enemy right now. Last night I kept waking up feeling the presence of someone near me, but there really was no one there at all and my cat didn't run and hide, so that was evidence I was probably in a dissociated state right before sleep.

Will try to get myself to the community mental health center next week as I have no other plans. However, it's a 50 mile trip one way to be accessed and I will have to sit in the general population for hours and then it can take up to 4 hours for an assessment. I'm just not sure I can do that.

Monday, I should have confirmation about whether or not I genuinely have full Medicaid and Extra Help and that should enable me to make more informed decisions about whom to seek therapy from. I may not have to go to that community mental health center, will see.

It's getting dark now and I can feel my energy level going way up, like it does most evenings. Trying Melatonin now and will see if that helps.

Take care everyone !! Have a great evening.

(( hugs ))

Blue

I think the increase might be helping.I have a lot of gas so I am uncomfortable.
I looked up the symptoms of stomach cancer but I don't think I have it.I do have pernicious anemia and am slightly anemic. Gas isn't a symptom
fondly
bobby

Blue

Do you also have an neurologist. Or have you had an EEG in the last couple of years? If you have absence seizures, its very much possible the disassociation feeling you have, is more of an feeling that you are having from going in and out of Absence seizures. Because they can go on for hours. Happening, for a minute or second, here and there. But continuing for hours.

This is something that I had as a kid, and its a form of the seizures my
son has had. He had them as a 2nd grade specifically. An example is
that they would be doing math. And he would space out, and come back.
His teacher, would know he had done this, specifically because she was
paying attention, he wouldn't answer her for a few seconds or minutes.
Then he would come out of it. And not know what she had taught the
class. So she would re teach him the lesson. THis happened for a number
of days or weeks. So she let me know it was going on. I made
an appointment, and let his neurologist know. We raised his medication
to try and help him.

THis also is something some of my friends kids, will do in status and its
something they then have to be brought out of by special medication.

I'm not trying to scare you, But this is the one form of seizures
that does come on the EEG.
I don't know if your taking any medication for the seizures, but
the lamictal can be used for seizures too.

Donna

Hi Bobby ~ Do you have any fans that help with keeping the air circulating, so it doesn't feel so warm there?

Blue

I don't have any

Donna ~ That was very informative, thank YOU !! My new psych doc also approached me with the thought this could be more seizure activity than dissociation.

I usually have an EEG every year. It's all abnormal with slowing, spiking and slow waves. They have never captured an actual seizure during the EEG. I have also had numerous sleep studies but they haven't captured them either, which is a disappointment. My neurologist informed me that my EEG is indicative of temporal lobe epilepsy, since that is where all the abnormal brain waves originate out of, that and my central brain.

Did you grow out of your experience with this? How are you doing now? Thank you soo much for relating to my story about dissociation vs. seizures. It's a work in progress.

I have been on numerous seizure meds and nothing really worked for me, so my former psych doc of 30 years, flipped over to the possibility of dissociation. However, this is the first time anyone has said to me that an absence seizure can last that long, which is opening my eyes to a new possibility I never thought about before. Thank you, Donna, for this new information !!

So, absence seizures do not show up on EEG's then? I'm guessing just the predominant seizures can then. I had a neurologist try startling me during an EEG and nothing happened. He said that rarely will he actually see a seizure on an EEG. I had an MRI to check for changes in my brain by my neurologist and the finding was alot of white spots but otherwise normal for my age.

There is conjecture that my type of migraine with aura is associated with seizure disorder and same with the constant daily vertigo and Menieres Syndrome. There appears to be an overlap with these three constellations, per the neurologists I have seen in the past.

I also have an EEG that I wore home for 48 hours and....... nothing showed up, but I did keep pressing the button when I went into an altered state and shapes changed, etc.

So, my new psych doc is trying hard to keep me on Lamictal as he feel that is the best med for mood and seizures. Fingers crossed I can stay on the Lamictal.

I live with altered perception of vision and reality daily, have since childhood. Buildings move, sway, change colors and appear very odd looking. I suffer from the Alice and Wonderland effect where I feel too large to be in a room or a car or too tiny or suddenly the room moves far away from me or too close. The landscape shifts and the curbs change heights and move around. There's alot more but don't want to take up too much time talking about this. These are all experiences I have had since childhood. I also was a very slow learner and comprehension was almost nil. My friends and family always mentioned that I was a space cadet with my head in the clouds. I had tutors year round, was always stuck in summer school and I would just sit and hear the teacher talking to me but never completely understood it. I still cannot read for very long. But back in the 50's, there was very little help, like today. Your son is soo lucky to have been put on the right meds to help him.

You are not scaring me, Donna. I applaud you for coming forward and picking up on what I was saying and helping me !!! ((( appreciation hugs ))). Please keep talking about this, if you feel comfortable, as any input is invaluable. I would be very interested in your experience with this in conjunction with BiPolar.

Take care ~

Blue

Bobby ~ My county offers free fans to those who cannot either afford them, are disabled or the elderly. Can you check with your county to see if they offer this service?

Just a thought for you............

Sending you ((( cooling hugs )))

Blue

the building lent me a fan when my ac broke but it didn't do much good.

Sorry to hear that Bobby ~

With this excessive heatwave such as it is, even a/c has a hard time keeping up.

I have thermal light blocking curtains. I got mine at Walmart for $12.00 a set and I keep them closed when the afternoon sun hits my window. I put them up with those rods that you don't need to fasten to the wall, it's a tension rod and pretty cheap. It does help. When I place my hand behind the panels I can feel the heat there, they seem to do a pretty good job keeping the heat out. I bought black curtains (I know, not pretty) for my bedroom to help block out the street lights at night and beige for my living room.

Hugs,

Blue

Woke up to a migraine with aura first thing this morning. I had one 2 days ago. With taking the AIMOVIG once a month shots for migraine I only get them maybe 2-3 a month now, but this month seems to be several a week. I was trying not to be late with the injection as that usually causes a kindling effect, but can't explain all these this month,other than the emotional turmoil I have been thru. I try to stick to the Migraine Diet, but this month with all the stress have been eating alot of chocolate. I usually crave sweets and salt just before as one of the auras.

I had all the auras (extreme dizziness, frequent urination, tingling scalp and hand, tongue was numb, numbness side of face down neck, food cravings, constipation, nightmares, loud tinnitus, stiff neck, blurry vision) yesterday but was hoping that a migraine was not approaching, but it did, unfortunately. I use the Migraine Buddy app on my iphone to keep track of these and email the results to my neuro. He has to keep track due to being on AIMOVIG as he is required to report quarterly my success to the pharma company. Interestingly enough, my cat picks up on the auras and today he sits and stares at me and will throughout the day. He also vocalizes loudly during a migraine and the day before.

Keeping all the curtains closed so it will stay dark in here today and will help keep out the heat as well. Hoping the sensitives to light and sound are not too intense today. I know I will get the crushing headache and nausea, so praying it doesn't last the usual 3 days.

Blue