Hi Donna ~ I decided to take a paratransit to my bankruptcy and then dive into an UBER for the ride home. I downloaded some relation tapes to listen to on the way there. It will take me 2 hours to drive 50 miles due to picking up many others and dropping them off. It's a very tiring ride and the ride is usually filled with very disorderly people who shout and yell and carry on. It all depends upon how I feel in the morning of the bankruptcy. I may just take an UBER both ways.

I have tried every drug in the SSRI's, SNRI's, Antipsychotics, Antidepressants, Antiseizure meds. I'm 68, so have been trying since my 20's. The only drugs that I could cope with was Depakote (which damaged my liver and caused chronic hyperammonia) and Zonegram (which causes way too many kidney stones), hence why I can't take Topomax. No one will put me on Welbutrin, that is the only drug I have continually asked for.

I have taken Lithium but due to the unequal fluid in my inner ear (Menieres), the salt in Lithium contributed to extreme dizziness. That is when my ENT got me trying to drink half my body weight in fluid ounces (water only) which I continue today, but all that water did not help the constant dizziness. There is a medical term to what drinking all that water will cause, but it tricks my kidneys in releasing sodium.

Does your son have to have regular blood tests, I know that with Lithium it can be soo variable and affected by many things. How long has he been on Abilify and Depakote?

Bringing up the subject of anxiety medicine, I take Klonopin daily, but wondering now if I need to focus on more anxiety medication.

Thank you Donna for responding (( Hugs ))

Blue

I am so sorry for your many health problems besides your financial problems.
I take klonopin for years now. I take 2 mg in the morning and 2mg at night.
can't they just increase the dosage? Welbutrin worked for me for a while. Why won't they give it to you. That was the only one that worked for me until it stopped. I now take aplenzin which is related to welbutrin. It is ultra expensive and the insurance company gave me special permission and I also belong to a New York agency so I don't have to pay more than 20 dollars a drug. What a nightmare you are living. I am glad you found us. Do you have any animals to give you comfort?
bobby

Hi Mari ~ Yes, that cut deep on soo many levels for me, about my very close friend pulling out at the last minute to take me to my bankruptcy hearing tomorrow. We had planned for months in advance taking me. She wanted to make this a fun outing. We were going to stop off at IHop on the way there and on the way back to take me anywhere I wanted to go. She would be right with me thru the whole procedure. Knowing my difficulties in leaving home (agoraphobia), potential to having sudden panic attacks and high anxiety, she said she wanted to protect me by being there with me. You can imagine how much I really appreciated this. You have no idea how relieved I felt when I heard this. No one has ever looked out for me in this way before. She had become my protector and advocate last two years. After two long years of working on a friendship with her, I think I finally reached a place of feeling safe around her and trusting her. The night before she texted me that "she would not be a part of my bankruptcy experience", which I cannot believe she texted me this message, I finally told her the name of the medication I was recently on and she gasped. She had been after me for awhile wanting to know the name of this particular medication that I was having difficulty adjusting to. She said she had never seen me being psychotic. I assured me being on antipsychotic medicine doesn't mean I am psychotic, it's being used off label to help with Major Depressive Disorder. She just could not get off the idea I was on that class of medicine. Then the very next day, she cancelled my ride. I can't help but think she is now afraid to be with me alone in her car. I have never given her reason to believe this. She did say she never saw me being psychotic before, but now she wonders. I am in her apartment daily to help her navigate her daily needs due to her very limited mobility issues over the past two years. I have basically been her caretaker. There is nothing I would have not done for her. We were very close.

Due to her worsening mobility issues, I have come to believe she is back drinking again, self medicating. Her behaviors are mirroring one who is drinking She has been dry for 12 years and meets weekly with AA in her apartment.

So, with cutting me out for this very important drive to my bankruptcy hearing, currently not being medicated on anything other than Klonopin for anxiety, I have to face the long drive there all by myself and I haven't been away from home that distance last 10 years.

I have done alot of soul searching since reading her text. With all the other behavioral issues recently, I have found myself being significantly triggered by her behaviors. Almost daily she has been ugly towards me, or slurring her words during telephone conversations and suddenly not letting me in her apartment anymore, but meeting me at the crack of the door with a very angry face yelling at me to go away which totally caught me off guard. Lately I have found her tape recorder recording our conversations and asked her why she was doing this and she would only shrug. Once I discovered she was tape recording our get-togethers when we just sat down and chatted, I stopped that and always looked to see if the tape recorder was going on in my presence.

So, not to make this too long, since that text, I felt it was all about me. Now I have forgiven her and realize it is all about her and her reaction to me and I can't control that and am powerless over her. It's about her sobriety and her worsening physical condition and based upon feeling uncomfortable with putting myself in harms way anymore, I decided (with a heavy heart) to end this friendship as it is no longer healthy for me. By acknowledging this, it has released me from feeling victimized and helped calm me down quite a bit.

Even if she gets help and stops drinking, I will not trust her around my emotions anymore. With all the strength it takes to manage my mood disorder, I cannot take on her issues again. I realize my limitations with her and will no longer let her abuse me.
Unfortunately she lives on the floor above me and I run into her alot during the day anyway, so that will be a challenge. Last time she did this to me, she sent me a lengthy letter of apology and said this had to be done to ask for my forgiveness due to one of her 12 Steps she goes thru and her AA group helped her with that. I hope she doesn't send me another one of those letters asking me to actively forgive her.

Thank you for your help with learning how to do a "rapid reply" and listening to this long lament.

Blue

Hi Bobby ~ Good to hear from you this morning. I take .5 mg in the am and .5 mg in the pm of Klonopin. Due to it's now being classified as a "controlled substance" my prescribing doctors feel they will not prescribe me more than this and it's limited to a 30 day supply, so I have to have a face to face each time I fill it and take it right to the pharmacy counter and then sign for it. They won't fax it in due to the reporting requirements, they all say. You are lucky that you can be allowed to take that much. I find that I need to stock pile my medication, go several days off of it, in defense of all this.

I am clueless why no one will prescribe Welbutrin for me, as I have yet found a doctor that will and they don't seem comfortable explaining to me why. When I see my new psych doc on Thursday, will keep demanding an answer. He said he would not put me back on Lithium as he said it would burn out my kidneys and cause me to go on dialysis.

I do have a cat, he's a 12 month old Ragdoll who, unfortunately, has special needs and has to be on more medication than I. I can't go to him for comfort, so I do alot of cat sitting in my community to get my needs met by being able to cuddle with my friends cats.

Blue

Hi Mari ~ In answer to your question, the main concern I have is several fold: 1) I have not gone that far away from my home since 2004 and with Agorophobia, it makes it difficult to even leave my home, 2) I am not on any medication to help stabilize my mood and not sure how I will react to the stress of everything I will be facing - it's all new stuff to me, and finally 3) I am fearful of having a panic attack, oops one more 4) when I get stressed I become very dizzy and have vertigo attacks which keep me in bed as the only way I can get around is to hold onto walls and then usually a migraine with aura will hit me.

The only medication I currently have and am on is Klonopin, but it's not enough to handle the panic and anxiety especially in situations like this. It's never been that effective. When I went thru breast cancer treatment, I was on Xanax and that was wonderful and handled anxiety very well, but since I am on Klonopin, no one will give me Xanax, again, not a clue why.

After reading your post, I grabbed my letter from my previous psych doc and the medication I was on when I did all my spending to prove everything to the judge. Along with that will take an extra bottle of Klonopin. Thank you for this very helpful suggestion.

I did inform my bankruptcy attorney the reason for my excessive spending that led to the need for bankruptcy and he said in all the cases that are approved, my condition and being on the wrong medication is all that is needed. So, will bring proof with me just in case. I don't know judges either, but he is also a trustee for Federal Court and his paralegal told me he already approved my bankruptcy, but I just have to meet before the judge to be formally put thru for discharge. Now, my discharge will occur after 60 days have gone by and no one comes forward to contest it and then another 30 days to get me the letter. I spent the last 7 months paying off my lawyer and went without good nutritious food and medical care for my cat and I, in order to afford all this, so it will be a serious setback if my bankruptcy doesn't get discharged and my lawyer has to charge me to go back in to fight it. So, the next 3 months, I will be sitting on pins and needles and have to continue to sock away his fee monthly until I get the final discharge. Gulp.

Blue

Hello OhKay ~ I looking back thru the responses to my posts, I see that the one I sent to you did not go thru, so will get right back to you. I soo appreciate the time you spent to respond

Thank you for welcoming me. Just getting used in how to respond appropriately.

I constantly informed my former psych doc that over the past year I was spending too much money and could this be because of the medication I was on (Zyprexa). He said no and kept me on this drug for a full year, in which time I charged over $20K on my charge cards. In looking around my home, I see little evidence of what in the world I spent all this money on. I know I returned alot of stuff when I went off of Zyprexa and realized what I had done and could no longer afford the minimum monthly payments. I think it must have been alot of vet appts, vet medication and my medical care, along with alot of small things that I really needed, such as sheets, blankets, new pillows a new bedspread, towels. All my linens were threadbare. I did buy a Rollator to help stabilize my daily dizziness and some cookware, but I still don't have a clue what it all went to.

I have always asked if I was BiPolar and throughout all the years have been told "no". I even did excel spreadsheets to cover a year with my former psych doc proving my mood instability with many highs and alot more lows, but still could not convince him. He kept saying I am on all the right medication anyway but would not put anything in writing. I saw him for 30+ years. Now in his letter to my new psych doc he admits I had Hypomania.

In truth, I have been on all the right meds, just could not tolerate the level I needed to be on to control the rapid swings of mood. My GenOMind gene study recently done shows that I am an ultra rapid metabolizer, which means that I am subject to severe side effects and have to remain on very low levels of medication.

Sorry to hear about your dad. He's from the old school, like me and being male, I can understand why he won't go on any of these meds, but there is always hope. Sounds like he has stayed this side of the law all these years.

As explained in a previous post, and you are just catching up, I will bring what medication I was on when I did all the spending along with my bottle of Klonopin and my recent letter from my former psych doc (7 pages) detailing my mental health issues. Great idea, thank you very much for suggesting this and very helpful. Good to be prepared.

I have tried all the mood stabilizers known to man, with the exception of all the newer drugs that have been recently been on the TV. I did try Rexulti but it put me in an altered state of mind, not recognizing my surroundings, so I was taken off this drug. Waiting to hear what this new psych doc has up his sleeve. Two appts ago, he threw up his hands in my face claiming there is no medication I can take as I have been on all of them, that he can recommend. I left feeling very depressed. Due to the limitations my plan has on providers, he is the only one close to my home I can see that will take me, but I wonder if he will excuse me from his practice now.

You bring up a very relevant point. I did put my foot down about taking the newer more expensive drugs that will throw me into the Medicare Donut-Hole within two months and one that I will never be able to afford. I kept telling him over and over again that I would never be able to afford this medication or any that are on Tier IV or Tier V, but it all fell on deaf ears. I did my homework before last meeting and each drug he suggested were on these Tiers. He insisted I try Rexulti as he has alot of samples, but only hands me one week supply, LOL. He said he would keep me on samples but I would have to come back to see him weekly to get the supplies (which means he will charge me more co-pays). I have already been down this road with him about my co-pays. Right now I cannot afford to see him every two weeks because I cannot afford the co-pays. So, he's been running up a balance, charging my insurance for each visit, but holding off on billing me. I told him to subject me to having a new debt this soon after bankruptcy will be harmful to me, but he has disregarded this many times, again falling on deaf ears. And he's the only psych doc I can see now, so I feel like a captured soul right now. I looked up his name and what popped up was his 2.5 billion dollar home he lives in with a large pool (inside and out), tennis courts, a 5 car garage in a very ritzy neighborhood north of me. His monthly taxes are $5,000.00 a month. No wonder he pushes to see me every two weeks, I'm helping pay his mortgage. He is holding my renewal of Klonopin hostage until he sees me enough to prescribe this controlled substance to me. I am on my last bottle now and living in fear he will not renew it in time. My primary wrote my last prescription and she said she will not write anymore, so I am stuck complying with him. I am trying to work thru Medicare to get away from this plan but so far, no luck.

I am suffering right now, agreed, as it takes alot of energy just to maintain mood and wished I was put on something that would help with mood instability, especially facing bankruptcy court tomorrow. I see him the day after bankruptcy on Thursday.

Blue

after the hearing please please find another psychiatrist who has a brain and has compassion. that is so little klonopin. No wonder it doesn't work. My doctor
can fax in the prescription. Get somebody who will prescribe welbutrin.At a high strength it worked for me for a while.
What is wrong with your kitty cat? I would go crazy without my two.Pudge is rescued Tortoise shell Persian. She loves to rest and have her tummy and neck rubbed. She almost died when she was giving birth. When she got better she couldn't be used as a breeder so lucky me got her. I bought an Abyssian named Abby. She is my second aby named . I also had an aby mixed Himalyan and she looked like a somali. My favorite cat was snowball who I adopted because he was so ugly I thought nobody else would take him. At first he had a crooked nose and a fang. About three weeks after I got him he had a prolapsed colon and then shortly after that he got another one. He had the worse case of feline herpes. He had the deepest soul. When Morgy one of my schnauzers died, he went the the window for a month looking for him. When Hammy, Morgy's littermate was dying of kidney failure,
Snowy would go over all the time and rub against him and butt heads with him.He was an angel but always sick.
bobby

Hi Bobby ~ You sound like me... for the love of pets !!! I will also go to the ends of the earth to help my pets. I even used to work for my vet as his assistant for two years, so I got alot of intensive care knowledge to help my current kitty. He's 12 months old and currently had Hyperthesia, Seizure disorder and now bladder inflammation. So, he's on alot of medications. He was also abused by the breeder and I had to hire a behaviorist to come several times to help me with him and still, after 9 months, he still has soo many issues. He really needs to be on a behavioral modification medication but I have reached the end of what I can afford right now. How to use a GoFundMe to help me pay for his vet expenses last month. He will never recover from all this, so I have to decide if I can continue all his medications and weekly vet care after bankruptcy. Even now, it's just not affordable. But I do get the snuggles and head bumps and cuddling from the kitties I sit with in the owners absence. I do not get paid for this at this point, just started doing this, so will see what they do to thank me for all this care this past month. However, they can never repay me for all the cat therapy I got from being with them. My cat, won't let me touch him, he won't do head bumps, won't go near my lap, won't sleep with me (he sleeps under the bed directly under where I sleep), he has a serious biting issue and so one. The breeder was suspected of buying kittens from a kitten mill and hence where I got him from.

My psych doc is the only one left on my insurance plan within 50 miles of me. 99.9% of the providers have dropped my insurance plan for non-payment.I have complained all the way up to CMS and my Federal Congressman but I do not meet the criteria for "early enrollment". My psych doc wanted me to go thru the IOP or Partial Hospital Plan to help me transition to new meds and for stabilization, but no hospitals within 100 miles or further will accept my plan for that purpose. I thought PHP was an excellent suggestion and I wanted to do that but now I can't. So, I am stuck with him until January when I can opt out of this plan.

I know that is very little Klonopin. I will try again, but he is very rigid in what he will prescribe and how much. He has recently gone out on his own as a sole practitioner, not associated in a practice and no hospital privileges in my state. I looked him up under the State Corporation Commission. He has extensive clinical experience in one of the leading psychiatric hospitals in the country here in Washington, DC So, I thought, initially, with all this knowledge and years in practice, he would be a good fit for me, but not so, so far.

Blue

go fund me is a really great idea! There are so many cat lovers! It really might work. I pray so. Hyperesthesia in Cats
I looked it upi. How awful. Your poor kitty and cat and your poor you. I wonder if he can outgrow it after being so traumatized. I found the great cat treat for abby that is low in calories https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...?ie=UTF8&psc=1
all i have to is say fishies and she comes running. Pudge just enjoys her prescription cat food.
I wonder if you will get paid for your kitty cat sitting. I am glad you get your fix.
I am so very sorry about your medical treatment. I went back to my old psychiatrist and pay 125 for a visit(he gives his old medicare patients a discount after he went off it. I have to pay 49 each month for him to write a prescription.I tried to medicare lunatics before I went back to him.
I won't look at my credit card amount this month. I really went on a spending spree besides all the other expensives.
fondly
bobby
prayers for your kitty cat. Poor thing.

I am just catching up.

Glad you have joined us.

Donna