Yes and anxiety too.

Blue

anxiety is part of of bipolar. .are you bipolar I or II?

BP II

Blue

do you suffer from depression all the time? It took my doctor forever to find one that works Aplenzin.

Feeling very sad for myself this evening.

Watched groups of ladies gathering in the courtyard, all chatting and seeming to have fun. It was a community gathering that I did not go but could see from my window. I felt the deep pangs of loneliness and longing to be part of something.

I got myself involved with those ladies again (M), (C) and (MC) last week. MC pleaded on my heartstring that her kitty had no one to be with him when she went out of town last week, so eventually I agreed. During that time with the kitty, **

When they all came home, MC did nothing to thank me to taking care of her cat. They did invite me up to one of their dinners though and I went. Still trying to look at CM who has not seen her psych doc and is not getting the kind of help I wanted her to have, therefore feeling she is still unsafe.

C has since gone into surgery and will have a long stay in rehab thereby removing herself from MC. The last time MC was separated from C she became s/e. I know that M and MC have been away from home every day, all day long, since C's surgery, so hoping that means that M is keeping a close eye on her, I hope so.

Anyway, MC offered to take me to a quilt show today, but never called and it's closed now and today was the last day. I did feel a twinge of hurt feelings, but having to remind myself I am no longer a part of their group anymore. After trying to reconcile my feelings, I realized that I may be subject to their calling upon me to "use" me to take care of their cats again. I know MC has a pet sitter and has used her alot over the years and why she is picking on me to sit for her cat is not making sense, other than I did not charge any $$. Hoping I have the strength of character to tell her no more. I know she comes and asks at the last possible moment (the day before she leaves and claims there is no one else to take care of her cat). I want to tell her and M now so they can prepare themselves. When I told C that I would not take care of M's cat, she whined and complained afterwords about how much work that was and that was just one cat.

My broken brain is having difficulty reconciling all this, being pulled in and suddenly shoved away. It seems a familiar scenario with the last two groups of friends I had here. I keep telling myself it's normal to want to be part of a pack, but not so normal to be abused while in the pack.

I keep trying to figure out how to let them know in advance. I know I should not care, but I do.

Blue

what antidepressant are you taking?

Hi,

You do not have to tell them ahead of time.

If they ask you for a favor, say NO.

You could even start practicing saying "NO."

Say it aloud. Sing it. Dance to it: NO NO NO.




M

I am not on a specific anti-depressant, as that can trigger a manic episode and they have never helped me before. Have been on all of them.

I am on a mood stabilizer called Lamictal.

Blue

You are soo funny Mari I got a chuckle out of your response.

What I did was, last night, very late, I sent MC (the s/s tenant) a text message detailing the pet sitting card I got from my psych doctors office and let her know that I will not be doing pet sitting going forward and for her to look into this or others in advance of her next trip (she has a pet sitter she has been using for years, who comes and takes her cat home during CM's extended trips). I don't know why she stopped using her. I don't want her coming up to me telling me she could not find anyone to take care of her cat and playing the sympathy card like she did last week, after I said no. I also asked her to share this information to M. They both are going to have to start paying for pet services, since they took advantage of me and excluded me since then.

I am trying to break the cord of their idea of "friendship" with me. They can be gone all day shopping/out to lunch/dinner/movies etc and not include me and yet want me to sit for their cats for free and not do anything for me for doing this. Oh I heard that MC was going to cook a lobster dinner for me (never happened), then she was going to take me to a quilt show (never happened), then a local horse show (never happened), but she travels extensively with M and excludes me on the day she said we were to do something together. So, I gave them both one more chance (last week) and then heard of their excursions out the last three days and no thank you card showed up, no thank you, nothing. So, I am not going to be used this way. It's way to triggering for me.

At first I thought I could come back into their fold since the s/s episode, but they are actively excluding me as demonstrated last three days. I remember, several months ago, they asked me if I wanted to go to a craft store with them, which I agreed. I was soo happy to go and to be included. I thought we were all coming home when they pulled up front and dropped me off at the front of our building saying they were going to do other errands and left me at the curb of my home. I felt like I was slapped across the face with a cold fish. Then off they went leaving me behind standing at the curb. I no longer want to expose myself to their idea of a "friendship" with me. They have their own way of doing things and I don't want to be a part of it. They don't measure up to what I consider friendship. I'm tired of getting my feelings hurt and with my mood disorder, this toys drastically with hypomania and depression and puts me at risk. I recognize that I can no longer expose myself to the dangers they present to me. Yes, perhaps if I didn't have bipolar II, I might be able to handle this, but not now that I recognize my potential for mania/depression being triggered. No one is stepping up to protect me, so I have to do this myself.

It's kinda lonely doing life all alone. I wish I had a circle of friends around me, now I feel like living in a wagon out in the dessert all alone, fending for myself.

Blue



So, will practice saying "No". Thank you Mari

I am so sorry. None of them worked for me until I was finally put on Aplenzin a few months ago..
I had tried them all. Are you depressed all the time? I used to be but finally I am not. You have to stay away from those people. As you know I am 75 and I am alone also. My only sister who I never got along with died a few years ago at 73. I spend practically all my time reading which is a great escape. Listen to more books. That helped when I was depressed. I often am very lonely but I got rid of toxic people because I thought it was much better to be alone then have negative input that made things so much worse. I am still having trouble with having a stroke that made it hard to walk,to write, to spell and do math.
bobby
I am a bit hypomanic and spend too much money but I am not depressed.