yes blue, trust your gut!
fear is real and so intuition.
bizi

Hi Bizi ~ Thank you I have no further need to be alone in M's apartment going forward. I will listen to my gut and honor that going forward.

The thing about honoring fear.....it can be hard to differentiate between paranoia and real fear and fear that was triggered by past events. Fear is a strong emotion and emotions love to build upon each other and is very hard to get out of. I used to take DBT and understand the spectrum.

Blue

Blue

I would just keep trusting your gut. I would also try to relax.
With the knitting or whatever you can.

Donna

Hi Donna ~ I am trying to get back to a sense of normalcy. Not answering the cell or door and have blocked everyone from access to me for the rest of the day today.

Thank you for looking after me and your wonderful support thru that scary time with my s/s neighbor. I have no one else in my life to turn to for help other than this support group presently.

C wanted me to call her to give me the details what the sick tenants (MC) findings are and I just texted C back telling her I am not interested in any details, just good to know she and M are taking care of her. Since both ladies with cats will be gone Friday thru Monday, I sense that C's need for me to call her back may be to ask me to take care of their cats because C cannot bend down to do the litter. They never thanked me for the previous 2 weeks of care, so I will not be used again and I will not be available to go into their apartments going forward to take care of anything, so avoiding calling C back for this reason.

Knitting is a priority today along with listening to calming music,playing with my cat and doing odds and ends around my home.

BTW, was trying to get a picture, like bizi's kitty, at the bottom of her responses, having no luck with adding anything other than an older pic of myself, lol.

((( hugs back )))

Blue

Heehee,

I think I'd email or text her back. And say by the way I'm
going to be away, For a few days. But I luckily can take my cat
with me. Sorry that your friends can't. Hope they find someone
to take care of theirs while they are gone.

I'm not available to take care of theirs again, anymore.

Donna

Hi Donna ~ I had the opportunity to tell the sick tenant tonight that I will no longer be pet sitting.

Alert *** May trigger:

It was weird.............. I was standing looking out our community window at the approaching storm when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and it was the sick tenant (MC), at first I thought I was looking at a ghost. Weird that I thought that initially.

She had no color in her face and when she hugged me, the feel of her body was very warm or warmer than it should be, she appeared to be sweating profusely.

She begged me to take care of her cat when she goes out of town next week for a week. Initially, being caught off guard I said yes, but then later on texted her that I was no longer doing pet sitting. I have not heard back from her yet. I'm sure they (her friends) will put pressure on me to do this but I will stand firm about this and here is why...............

When I went back to my apartment I called my local hotline for help sorting my feelings about this because I have not been sleeping, have had nightmares, jumpy and overly emotional and today I got a migraine which spoke that my emotions are high. As I talked I walked thru the day I stood over her bed as, unaware as I was, she was in the process of committing s/s. I felt soo creeped out just thinking about going back into her home, looking at that bed she laid in while she tried to die. I just could not put myself in a position to do that and to even take her keys too was scary.

Then there is M who will also need her cat looked after as she is driving MC up north to see her relatives. And with the experience with that knife on the counter, I did not want to go thru that again.

Part of me feels sorry for having to break friendships with MC because I liked her and adore her cat. And I am drawn to people in need. But the deciding factor here is that she did not seek help thru a crisis center to evaluate her and the crisis line asked me this evening if she was homicidal as sometimes that goes hand and hand and once I heard that I got the chills. I think if MC went to the hospital and was evaluated and spent time getting stabilized and came home with a plan (not to wait until Fall to see her psych doc and refusing to even call him/her about this), then I might have felt more comfortable in taking care of her cat. But not now................ there are way too many loose ends and unanswered questions too.

I was invited to her home tomorrow for High Tea and I am not going to go.

I feel very bad for her in that when I was s/s and went into the hospital, when I came home I was fired from my job, lost my elected position with a community organization, my pastor asked me not to come back to church and my friends and neighbors would have nothing to do with me. Even my therapist refused to see me after that. It was a very difficult time for me, loosing everything and everyone. So, I do not want to impose that feeling to her and yet, I can't be responsible how she reacts to my drawing away.

I'm just having a difficult time right now adjusting to this experience. Thought I was handling it just fine, but apparently not as feelings came rushing back at me when I saw her again.

So, back to knitting and watching westerns tonight. Tomorrow I see my psych doc.

Take care,

Blue

110 is hot!!!!!bizi

Hi, Blue,


The current neighborhood feels too weird & perhaps toxic.

Can you contact groups (on-line/ over the phone/ in person)
that will help you connect to your needs?

Here's one: (ignore the spacing -- the spaces are there to keep this site from
deleting my link:
meet up .org


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Or volunteer over the phone. Or request that a volunteer visit you once a week.

Or find a painting or photography class on T.V. or online -- or anything that you can tolerate that gets you into a different place headwise.

Have you ever gone to a knitting or crocheting or painting or photography group?

. . . . Or maybe connect to something that used to work for you in the past.



The last few days, I spent hours listening to bands on Youtube.
The music got me out of my head a little.


Take care of yourself.

If this does not make sense, please ignore my post.

M

you sound so healthy and strong with such a good heart that is getting you in trouble. all those people are so sick and toxic. When you are feeling lonely or upset use this forum and call some help lines! you don't need to suffer from them. You are a very bright and articulate woman. You will find better friends after this horrific experience. You wrote that the pastor even turned his back. That is so f@#king outrageous. I would like to slap him and I am not usually violent.It is a gift to have a generous nature but you have to chose wisely. I start thinking the only sane and kind people are bp. They know what it is like to suffer.
Fondly
bobby

Most people in my life disconnected from me following my s/s attempt as well. I chose to disconnect from others who were unhealthy for me to be around. It sounds like you had a rougher experience with that than I did in that regard.

Even though that experience was so devastating for you, that does not mean that you owe MC anything, especially not cat sitting. That is silly. Don't let her tug on your heart strings, and try to make you feel guilty.
You tried to get her help, and she chose to seek alternative means of "care" and the the support of other friends instead. She is not alone.

It is clear that you would be better off disconnecting from MC and the rest of that group entirely. Your interactions with them have been very detrimental to your mental health. You have to stop letting them draw you back in...

It may be useful for you to go back and read some of your previous posts so you can see just how much your interactions with these women have effected you. (((HUGS)))