i wonder if the new medication is making me feel worse. I know I feel a lot worse because of Suri. I have been so angry. I think it started three months ago with stella whom I haven't heard from. I think I stopped liking her. She seemed to me to have turned into a monster with byron katie. she was acting the opposite of humble. Then lately Marci has been getting on my nerves. I really got furious when she called me lazy.
It is like my little world has shattered. I feel so alone.
the wine worked. I fell asleep and started worrying about finding a dentist because I was old and didn't know anybody. Then I woke up and realized I have a youngish dentist who will certainly outlive me.
I saw that robert finally picked the toys and bones for Danny. the building sends me an email. I still haven't gotten a confirmation about the wine I just ordered. I had called my credit card hasn't completed something.

If I am still angry in another week I will make another appointment with my doctor. I still need help.

I am sorry if you feel the medication is making you worse.I don't have anger rages....I don't know what that is like. Or do you keep it all bottled in?
I wish you could get a good therapist....they might really help you process your issues.
Sorry that you suffer.
((((((HUGS))))))
love bizi

I am trying to get a therapist who will come to the apartment. I can't afford more expensive cab fare. It would be great to have someone to vent to. I set myself up a lot and then store the anger. For instance I asked a couple of weeks ago if Cecilia wanted me to take her out for her birthday. She didn't reply! Last year she told me she was taking me out for my birthday and then didn't. That got me angry and I felt hurt also. So what do I do about her birthday now?
Should I forget it or ask her again? Now I have spoiled Marci. A lot of times I don't like the tone she uses on me. I am still storing my anger about her asking to give her some essential oil and putting it in a bottle. and then hinting that she wanted the stuffed dog I bought for Rober's dog. On that one I didn't even comment and I told her even though I have a lot of essentials now I use them a lot and broke down and bought her a bottle.She hinted at the MCT oil/ i hardly responded. I had just bought her two tunics and gave her two new ones I didn't like and one didn't fit. Now I probably will just give shoes to the good will and keep everything else.I don't want to start something else with Marci-we are the same size. I also get angry at myself. I always have had trouble asserting myself. I tend to be a listener. I was a very good child psychologist and could remember everything. Even now with Zeynep whom I hadn't seen for 24 years, I still remember everything she told me.
I am so angry at myself now for over spending and not having the motivation to start walking in the halls again and riding the bike and not pigging out. I am angry at my eyesight. Lately I have trouble seeing up close and I keep on losing my glasses to help me read.
I love my cats though-they are so wonderful and I woke up without a hangover. That is luck
love
bobby
right now i am not suffering.
i think i will email cecilia and ask er again if i can take her out for her birthday.

Bipolar II: Anger, Angst & Understanding

i walked the hall four times fast. I will try to do it every morning. abby is being very affectionate. i am not depressed yet. i am trying to make peace about suri.
i am beginning to hear noise from the marathon. they usually play music for the runners

good for you for walking in the halls! I hope you have a nice day bobby, really.
(((((((HUGS)))))
love bizi

will walk in 1/2 hour. will force myself. not quite depressed. have a phone class on the book of Ezra. The Rabbi is sort of boring.,Only cleaned up a little for Marci. I am still a bit jittery and am afraid to make more of a mess than trying to clean up. all i have to do is spill the cat litter when I am attempting to throw it out or rip the garbage bag when I am trying to throw that out.
I guess I am depressed. rats. I am complaining about a lot of things. I love the Patriots and now when it is on my tv it is in Spanish!
cecilia lives on my floor and she gets it in English. I turned the tv to mute but finally just turned it off. called customer service and they said they couldn't do anything,=. Gave them really bad reviews! let it be their nightmare. Gave good reviews to another company when they forgot to deliver an item. complained to an ebay seller .Frustrated with cecilia. Sent her an email again asking if I can take her out to birthday dinner. Maybe she is away. Maybe she was in an accident. Maybe just rude.
Frustrated by Robert. He didn't write and tell me if danny liked his toys and bones. have to inject myself today. took it out from the refrigerator and will wait an hour
bobby
cecilia is here. I heard her dogs bark when I just did my walk in the hall. Is it her or is it me?
did throw out the cat litter without an accident

Bobby

When it comes to Cecilia just wait and let it work itself out.

Or ask her in person. maybe she just doesn't answer emails.

i don't know about Robert, but he will answer when he can.
it sometimes takes him time. But he isn't one to not let you
know.

Donna

Glad that you were able to deal with the kitty litter!
one of my least favorite chores for sure.
(((((HUGS and love)))))
bizi

I had asked Cecilia in person first but she didn't respond. It was f#$king weird.
You are right. I have to be patient about Robert. I did write him more about Marcia because now he likes to come over for his dog when she is here. I had told him he couldn't come here today because Marcia is only working one day this week and she needs to clean. I don't think it ever crossed his mind that she is here to clean which I desperately need. She doesn't work hard. She even leaves out the cleaning stuff in the bathroom and living area. What housekeeper does that. If there are boxes to be taken downstairs she leaves them in my hall and brings them down the next day. I am going to have her do laundry today and what she does is stay downstairs for 1 1/2 hours usually and waits there rather than coming up in between and do some more cleaning.
I told him I have given her so many things and get upset when she hints for more. I told him that I told her I was afraid of running out of money. I told him that she even hinted for me giving the toy dog I was giving to Danny because it would look nice on her bed.
Ugh
Dorot called and asked if I want a pastoral visit and I said yes. The man is coming over on Friday at 3. I wonder if he is Jewish because it gets dark very early now so Shabbos comes quick.
I guess I had better inject myself now.
fondly
bobby