Bobby,

That's funny about how Danny would have eaten the shoes.
YES to forgiving yourself. (Actually I'm not sure what the site says.)
You did not doing anything upsetting on purpose. The bipolar takes over.


I don't think I like the idea of "forgiving." If we are out of our minds
so to speak then we did not do anything wrong.
Maybe the "forgiving" has to do with "accepting" that we were not in control(because the bipolar took control.)

How do you see the "forgiving?"


=-=-=-=-=

I've had events of being out of control. The one that I am remembering
was the fit I threw in the "waiting room" / lobby of the in-patient
hospital I checked myself into. I was so worked up about not being seen immediately that I was moving lobby furniture
around (Turned a sofa upside down by myself).

They grabbed me and gave me an injection and put me in a room by myself with the door partially open so I could be watched.
Even with the drug in my system, was yelling and kept it up for a while.

M

maybe accepting that we are out of control is better than forgiving. the events are out of our control and I know they can be repeated even though i know the rational side says it is so wrong..
now I am going off of farnapt, the side effects bother me and it isn't leveling me out. even though today I said I wouldn't go to ebay I have been there twice.. I didn't see anything I wanted..
how can you think rationally but have little control and what can you do with overwhelming emotions.
fondly
bobby with little impulse control.

you must have felt so much pain. i am so sorry

I didn't start tapering the farnapt but just stopped cold turkey. I don't know where my spill slitter is. I will look harder tomorrow. I do feel better.I don't know what he is going to give me. Today I wound up thinking a lot about my first boyfriend. When I was in eight grade I knew I was going to take him to my senior prom. I saw in my early twenties just before I left to go to Italy to marry an Italian. That didn't work out because he wanted me to marry him immediately and I didn't. I should have called steve back.I guess I screwed up again. I think he loved me.

I like the way you talk about your boyfriends.
You remember them in good ways.

I had mostly one boy that I cared about. But Dad moved us five states away when I was 16 or 17 and I only got one or two letters from the boy and that was it.

Many years later, I googled him. His name and location popped up because he
was leading a group of motorcycle guys to to change his state law so that
it would be legal to drive motorcycles without helmets.

(Apparently they wanted the right to be more easily killed on the road!?)
The law was changed there and people over 21 years old are allowed to ride without helmets as long as the driver
has a sufficient amount of insurance: $10,000 in medical benefits for injuries
that result from a motorcycle crash.

=-=-=-=-=-


I hope that the farnapt taper goes well.


M

wow he sounds like a cool guy. How upsetting that move must have been! Did it take you long to get over him? I forgot how many times you were forced to move. It must have been very hard to keep on making friends.The moving must have been unstabilizing and contributing to you bipolar. When did you symptoms start to appear. Mine started early. I used to have tons of nightmares and wanted to sleep with my sister. I was afraid to put my legs all the way down the bed because I was afraid there were creatures down there. I was totally normal taking care of my father when he was drunk which was normal. I was also paranoid/ which mostly went away when I got my hammy and morgy.

i went cold turkey. dumb

Bobby,
I figured out my password. My eye is a little better. So is my hand, which seems to have gotten hurt too.

I am so sorry it happened to you!
fondly
bobby

I'm sorry you dealt with worrying about what was under the bed.
My dad drank a lot. He still drinks but not as much as he used to.


I lived in 10 or 11 places from birth to the last place I lived before moving to
college.


M

Hi, Donna,

It's good to hear from you.


I hope your hand is o.k.


M

that is so many places! what an education though. It must have been very hard to establish close relationships.
fondly
bobby