[bizi]

got a lot of sleep last night probably 10 or more hours plus the nap.
I had to drive in the dark at 11pm to pick up jeff who was too drunk to drive home. This is very unusual for him, glad he called me instead of trying to drive. We talked about it this morning how we had a light supper and he had had 2 gin and tonics before he left the house. Then had 3 strong beers and lots of bourbon. so now wonder he had too much to drink.


Finally the cats are interacting a bit this morning, chasing each other. Still hissing from hazel. We are thinking of getting a kitten for harper to play with if hazel continues to be unwilling to play with her. She is adorable and a love, harper wants to play with hazel but we will just wait and see.Harper is 10 months old. very docil and submissive always lies on her back and exposing her belly which she likes to have it petted which is unusual.


Thank you for asking about her.
Hope you are well dear bobby?
love to you
bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Dmom3005

Bizi

I think you probably needed the nap
I'm so glad you took one. Keep listening to your body.

Donna

Thank you for your continued support.
love bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by pink kitty

Hi bizi,
I'm sorry that inpatient sucked.

I'm glad the outpatient treatment is working well.

(((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))

Thank you pinky. I appreciate your support too.


I have lost so more of my memories, I made an appointment with a neurologist, and will ask for an MRI and eeg, I think that is what they call it. When they hook up electrodes on your head. I am hoping that this memory loss is not permanent.
May have to get some help from the va office....my memory issue may have been due to a meningitis that I had some in 1998, 22 years ago...not sure of the date. I would probably have to hire a lawyer after all of these years.I have been doing the foot care business for 20 years. It was a very simple job but I became overwhelmed and was becoming more manic and less able to keep up with every thing. always behind in paper work, I was drinking too much and now have not drank since 2-24-20. It was the first time that I missed mardi gras. I have no desire to drink. Carol is going to be my sponsor again. I must get a copy of the big book from the local AA office.
There are no AA meetings being held in person but some are using zoom to have virtual meetings I don' like group meetings I prefere one on one meetings with carol, and there is a meeting that I went with her that was a meditation meeting. When those open up again I would like to go to that one again.
love and lite to all who need support.
bizi

[Dmom3005]

Bizi

I'm so glad she is going to be your sponsor again. It's even better that she is your friend. We love you and are here if you would like to talk.

Donna

[bizi]

thanks donna, I am tired of trying to type out the long story.


I will give a condensed version.
The staff knew I was a nurse and I told all there I was one. I wish I had not done that because all of the staff and patients treated me differently, very isolated.I was refusing meds and they were giving me forcefully thorazine, ativan, benadryl. It felt like a cork screw driver. It hurt so badly, I still have pain in my cheeks.
I was only allowed to take for 5 minutes at a time 3 times a day up that I was calling jeff at 7am. I found out later that I should put my name on the last time on the list for phone calls. which worked out so well.I would call my mother one time and she was very worried for m, I did not ask her why she did not send me a card. I sister told me they tried to send me flowers but they would not allow that. so that was nice to hear.
I felt that the phones were being monitored. I was very paranoid, I would think that they ere all talking about me,Why I quit taking my meds is beyond me. and I was not given any to sleep. I don't think that I slept while I was there...until the last day sunday night we 6 hours, so monday they discharged me out of there, I remember some one saying that knew to much. wonder if it matters. so I called jeff to come get me. NO discharge planning from anyone, no communication, jeff was so angry with that he wrote to the board of health. I was in there 24 days before he finally spoke to a doctor. It was an awful stay. I would not recommend vermillion hospital to any one. How ever, I do recommend their IOP intensive out patient program. It has been wonderful. very hard to look at my fears and such. I am mentally exhausted when I get home. and have taken some naps when I get home. It runs monday thru friday for at least 2 weeks then will then be a total of 6-8 weeks long. The food was just fair. it needed salt and pepper.
I had a shrimp stew that was really good and hot for a change.
the out patient program is called visions and is attached to the vermllion south side campus. while inpatient I really was acting crazy throwing my self onto the floor. I was screaming so they transferred me back to the university campus for the more seriously medically ill. I was hallucinating a lot. could not tell they were so real to me. I dreampt I was in a closed casket/cofffin that had a light on. I was in bed and dieing...called out to jeff, and I kept calling him I did not get to hear from him in 24 hours In my dream state I felt that jeff had died somehow. I could not wait for the next day to come so could try to talk to him. It was all so real and I rarely slept so that contributed my psychosis. they finally got me some meds that let me sleep.and I started taking the meds. They would crush them up and put them in some pudding. I tried vraylar and had a reaction to it...I told them that I did not want to try that because it could worsen my psycosis. and that is what happened I had a reaction to it. the other med that we tried was luvox, it too had a warning to not give the med could cause increase psychosis. and that is what happened to me. it was awful.
In the day program they ended up giving me meds that would make me sleep.they gave me a shot of haldol that last for a month.next shot is due the 20th of may. I also take lamictal as my mood stabilizer. also take haldol by mouth 2 times a day. they gave me klonipin to take finally some one how is not afraid of me. and I have not been drinking since 2-24-20. I take 1mg fist thing in the morning the 2mg at night to sleep. works like a charm! I am finally sleeping 7-10 hours! I schedulaed a neuroligist meeting go the referral from dr. orazio. I need to get an MRI done to see if this memory is early altsheimers or what. I will also ask for an eeg. my memory issues have been ever since I got severe meningitis in texas I had slowly weaned myself off of all the meds and went crazy again and rejoined the military to go to a very stressful 6 week long class to retrain as an emt. I closer we got tot he end with physical performance sheet an about when we lived in tempe Arizona. that was 20 years ago.
any way...I have shared more with you then I had decided to it all seems like a bad dream. today and yesterday...I had a few little visual hallucinations, that moon picture on the internet it looked like it was swirling I asked jeff if he saw that...he said not. then another one yesterday I disassociate and stare at the floor then saw the floor move and I knew it was visual hallucination and i just walked away from it. not afraid of it more like curious about it.
better quit
thanks for asking me to share donna.
love

bizi

[Mari]

Bizi, 'Sorry that you've been through so much.




I hope that things are getting better.





M

[mymorgy]

I wish I could hug you. How extremely sad. It sounds as if you were being tortured and they had a sake in making you worse. I didn't think it happened in these days. I wish you could file a suit...so inhumane..sobarbaric.
Love you
Bobby

[bizi]

Jeff gave them permission to inject my meds if I did not take them.I was just such a mess. I wonder how I could have not slept even after the thorizine shots.thank you for your support. It was a terrible time, I lived for those 5 minute conversations with jeff.I really believed I was having a fight for my life. satin vs god. god won!!!!!! I am still alive!!!!!!
praise be to God!
bizi

[bizi]

Marysue, my mother in law just died from MG myisthias gravis sp?. it was terrible for her. they intebated her and she had the plasma phoresis done and got her off the ventilator but by then she became a no code. she did not want to be to be put on life support again. so they moved her a nicer room and said good bye as jeff flew back home, was not given any information. had he know she would have another anti bodies act he would have not left. 8pm her vitals were normal. but by mid night they were not and they tried getting a hold of the family. only time my brother in law phone had been turned off. she died peacefully with 2 nurses the and the team doctor there providing comfort measures only.... at 1am she died from mg antibodies attacking her frail body and her poor heart could not take it any more.
It has been a very hard mothers day for them both.
I should call my brother in law and let him speak of her. There have been a lot of nice words said about her on face book. She was a lovely lady smart in every way. always giving to charities, they would send her flags, mocasons from the indians, dream catchers some times then they would send her a dollar, she liked those charities. and would send them a donation.
She freely used to help get little flags for the neighbors to enjoy, one person would put them in the ground in front of the house. they did that for years. She gave us money to help buy our house.She was very generous to ward other people and was sacrifycing her self. used safety pins to hold her pants up. she had lost so much weight, she basically bought her own funeral clothes every thing was right there. I think she knew that she was dieing and made every thing as easy as possible for the boys to take care of her finances.
She will be missed by many.
loved her.
bizi

[mymorgy]

such a wonderful human being. I am so sorry.
love
bobby