Good questions, Bizi will be back tonight. She should hopefully
be able to help answer part of these. I have no idea on most.

But you sound like your concentration is better on the medicine.
Which is honestly good. And until this medicine gets to a really
good level for you, honestly you don't want to add another medicine.

So I would wait on the ADHD medicine for then. And I can't tell you about
testing, because I honestly don't know how they evaluate an adult. I do
know how they evaluate kids in school. But not when you don't have
others to help figure it out. And to me you don't.

So just waiting a while to get that figured out should be okay, but make sure you are taking your medicine on time. Try to work on getting the computer turned on at midnight, and to bed at 1am.

Donna

HI gee, glad to hear that you are now taking/giving the vyrlar a chance to see if it is going to help with the cycling that you are having.
I need to get ready for bed.
sorry this is so short.
need to sleep.
bizi

So I'm never quite prepared to post, but I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

Bumped the Vraylar last week. Had my period, so I'm thinking that didn't help but was feeling some drowsiness for a few days. Today seems better though. Period is better too.

I think the meds are working cuz i went to bed angry and woke up completely forgetting about it and being all nice and everything, so that helped the day. Not saying things are perfect or imnot mad when i think about the thing, but at least I know I can move on from the feelings. Idk maybe i just felt better overall, but if the meds are helping that, then woo hoo! (Not manic great, just feeling good.)

Ok, well i have a followup at the end of the month. I still need to do testing for an official adhd dx. I have to set that up if i want to follow thru. I was concerned again yesterday, cuz i was feeling foggy and slow in addition to drowsy (or maybe its all the same). Had coffee today and feel better tho (i had been skipping coffee or having green tea instead for a few days cuz technically I'm recommended by my GP to do so for my physical issues.) Hoping i can strike a balance though.

Ok, i cant think of anything else at the moment, so i won't talk y'all s ears off more. Thanks!

Ps. Still have those questions, Bizi
Thanks

definitely going into a depressed episode, or in it, rather
yeah, not much to say, I just feel unloved, rejected, ignored...the whole list of sad/hurt/angry feelings. :'(

stabilizer doesn't seem to be stabilizing right now. and I'm supposed to be able to go off the antidepressant on Vraylar? um, like hell I am at this mood. :(

Don't go off your antidepressant.
tell your therapist.
bizi

hello ladies!
been trying to read a bit over the last few days.
trying to work it in. we'll see.

i've been in therapy and psychiatry since the last time I was here but
i'm kinda getting off therapy for the time being because it was no longer helping
and i'm just so busy.

I need help though. my therapist kept saying in addition to the bipolar she still thinks
it's ADHD. And she kept saying things aren't my fault like as if my brain just works a certain way
i wish she could help me tap into the good things about me

sadly, my husband (H) is of no support when it comes to mental health.
that is why i'm not making much progress. It's never going to be good enough for him...
except he's been quiet lately, which could mean things are ok. idk. maybe not. maybe he's holding it in.
maybe i need to ask him again.
i'm so tired!

i'm so tired, it takes so much out of me every day just to think
think of what to do and what needs to be done and then mustering the will to get it done.

anywhoo, that's me and why it's so hard to get here. too mental and I want to be a part of everything and anything that helps me
i hide away in twitter pics, gifs, and in the music
i do pray too, but admit i could do more. hard to focus though. i get restless. sighhh

i am so glad you are praying and listening to music. I think you need another husband or just control yourself and look at his positives.
Can you afford a housekeeper and maybe start going to a gym. That would be so neat. WE really care. We know how rough it is to be bipolar especially when meds don't work. I really love listening to the psalms. I don't know if you do. I have a negative view of spending too much time on the internet. I think it can mess up your brain.
Geodon has really helped my depression and anxiety. Have you ever thought of doing volunteer work. It would be so rewarding.
bobby

Gee

I think you need to figure out how to do some exercises or get a membership
at a place.

Just do what you can with the husband helping out. Don't worry about
whether he is supporting bi-polar have him support you in what you
need. Work on just one think.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

thank you for engaging me folks. I am reading and taking your posts to heart.

I am going to just start by saying the things I am doing though until I get into a habit of being here more often.
I have been trying to be more cognizant of my prayers. trying to remember that God guides me to what is right and helps us through our trials, so I mustn't forget Him.

I also started, due to the advice here, to work fitness back into my routine. I've gotten so out of practice, just my walk today was tiring. Actually, I'm pretty tired a lot...but I think it will help in the long run. I've gotta keep trying.

Going to keep this short. Taking baby steps. :)

Oh, one other thing. So I don't know why it's happening, but some "apps" on my PC keep crashing, so I'm unable to go on social media as much.
This works though.
But I can only go on my Twitter on the tablet, and unfortunately that's much slower. So, I guess I'll be using the net a little less now...
or maybe more if the tablet is that slow. *shrugs*

G, I am sorry your PC is not cooperating.
computer issues are given directly to my husband who can usually fix the problem.
glad to see you back.
bizi:hug:

Wow. I think you turned a corner. So glad you are looking for support from God. So many people can't. I think it is from anger.
great about the exercise-so hard to start.
I am happy that you are being forced to spend less time on the internet. I have to look if studies show it can be harmful. It must be so frustrating.
I found this article on internet addiction harmful effects. The effect of psychiatric symptoms on the internet addiction disorder in Isfahan's University students
Bobby
yes take little baby steps.

Slow and steady is the motto.

Keep up teh work.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Bizi- yeah, usually my H takes care of internet malfunctions, but he doesn't even know what's wrong this time.
It was a little better this morning, but then it started crashing again. This is now the only site working at the moment. Probably due to it being less text/information. *shrugs

So I'm checking in quickly.
Yesterday I exercised. Today, I woke up earlier, but I'm feeling lazy about the exercise. Maybe after lunch. It would feel good to be able to check in here with my progress.
Speaking of progress, I had been enjoying writing earlier this month and checking in for my word count challenge BUT... then I burnt out. I've been working on these novels for over a year and a half now, so it was bound to happen.
Sucks though, because I probably could have won the challenge again. Oh well! I did it last year and I did more words than my first try.

Bobby-yes, God is always front and center, although I just don't always feel I give enough appreciation. Yes, I can ask for help when things are hard, but I forget to praise Him sometimes. I just want to be a little more present with him in all moments.
Sometimes the music takes over priority and it shouldn't be that way. Music should be secondary to God, IMO.

I'm going to make some asparagus for H now. Yes, I'll try to have some too, but I won't be eating until later. I need more vegetables in my diet.

that is so fantastic about winning. What are you writing about? I think it is so great that you do ask him for help when needed. I bet he appreciates that more than praise. Asking for help really shows your faith.
Bobby

At first I thought you meant asking H (husband) for help. Haha But I know what you mean. Asking for things is humbling and He does love this.

Yesterday we had company over so I could not get to walking on the treadmill, but I did it today.
we snacked on Red Lobster cheddar bay biscuits yesterday, mine were gluten free and cheddar free. well, I snuck in a few strands of shredded cheddar and was fine.

finished the biscuits today and tonight will be cooking a full meal. speaking of backs, mine is a bit tight now. sitting at the computer doesn't always help, but it's giving me a good stretch at the moment.

will be going to my parents' house to meet my bro and sis and their families for T-day. It's also my bday soon, so we'll probably do a mini celebration. Mom got gluten free dinner rolls and crackers for me, but I'll probably cheat on pie. (i don't know if she's getting cake)
and I'm also looking forward to sweet potatoes and green bean casserole. yeah, i cheat on the fried onions. Do they really have gluten in them? Oh man, talk about an addiction food... I once ate half a can in 2 days. Not smart...but soo tasty! ha!

that is what I am making tomorrow and a cranberry relish.
happy thanks giving!
bizi

I forgot to mention about the writing. It's what happens when I come on with distractions. (oops)

So yea, the challenge is to write 50,000 words in the month of November. I did this last year. This year, I'm only a little over half the word count. I probably won't win...
but that's what I was doing today. Rather than coming here at that time, I was editing what I'd written so far.

The story is still getting smoothed out, but it's a two part story. The first part, the boy re-introduces his mother to an old favorite band. It goes on to tell the mother's side of the story of rediscovery and her catching up with the music and other cool things happening.
In part two, it's more the boy's side of things. He has to sit out the first new concert, but gets a surprise special concert opportunity by the end.
There is an additional story arch of the boy going through middle school, his first love, and making friends during a difficult period of life.

I want to eventually write for middle grade, but I keep switching between that and adult. I'm trying to word things as a middle school kid would understand, but some are adult subject matters so it's difficult. :)

Good luck with your writings.
bizi

interesting. why did you chose a boy rather than a girl? Isn't that harder?
bobby

I found this and I don't think it applies to just Jews


Jews believe that God will take action in response to prayer, and a teaching from the rabbis tells us that the more we ask God to help us, the more God will love us. (Midrash Tehillim 4:3)

Oh yeah. Well, I have nephews :D
but it's also because I've written some from the perspective of his mother. In fact that was all of part one. I do find it interesting though and I've enjoyed reading several middle grade and young adult from the male perspective, so for me it makes sense. :D



beautiful quote above, Bobby. Thanks!

:grouphug:

That is a beautiful quote bobby.
love, bizi

That does make sense.
bobby

I hope all went well at dinner.
Love
Bobby

All went well only gained a pound!I drank my partake and a cup of hot tea. I had mostly one plate and a half including desert pecan pie. yum
bizi

I bet it will disappear tomorrow. You jumped another huge hurdle.
love
bobby

Hello!
So took a few days away to visit with family and H. Should be back to regular schedule now.
Woke up super early today (for me), and did some abdominal exercises. Light tho, cuz empty stomach.
Oh and i fixed my appointment schedules. (Called)

Let's see. The writing challenge ends tomorrow. I've long stopped trying for that, but it still marks time. It will also be my birthday tomorrow.

Yeah, so had our mini celebration on Thanksgiving. Got some more music. Mom forgot the cake though. Haha! Oh well!

Spent Friday with family. Saturday and Sunday with H. We cooked and watched a movie and cartoons on Sunday night. Oh i had to wash his coat and it kinda came apart in the washer. It said machine washable, but it flaked anyway. :( I think he can still use the inner lining, but the coat is now retired.

What else? I had a whole list of things i wanted to say and of course now, i am blanking. Haha!

Have a good week!

I remember!

So i guess good and bad news. My PC internet is fixed. It's good because well, it's good to have things working and it's also quicker...but yeah, i do find i can focus more on the home when not so preoccupied with the net. I'll try not to use it much. And social media is mostly boring me lately. I have been unfollowing accounts and just otherwise feeling like most people there don't really care about me. I don't know. I mean many of them are my friends from other forums and such so i don't mean those people. But just newer people i follow...well they either dont follow back or they follow but never engage with me. The other thing with social media, I follow over 1000 accounts, but maybe only 100 are active and maybe 50 of those post daily. And then i miss so much due to the times my friends go on. I swear those earlier posts sometimes just disappear from my timeline, so unless i click on individual accounts, i never see them. Im not going to check 1000 accounts every time i go on. Lol Point is, it can be a bit of a headache.

But i love my friends and most of their content and i also want to keep up with my fave actors and musicians.

I only care if you keep coming in and visiting with us.

You just need to go to some sites once in a while.

We are here when you need. And love to hear how things are going.

Happy Birthday tomorrow.

Donna :grouphug::hug:

happy happy birthday.
bobby

Happy birthday to you and many more!
bizi

Thank you all! So sweet to see these messages today! :grouphug:

Today I slept in (because it's my birthday :D ) and I worked a little on my writing. Just replied to my family's wishes. Parents are visiting my sister this week so we won't be doing anything official, but as I said in the other thread, we did the celebrating on Thanksgiving.

Today is a happy day. Tomorrow might be scary. I have my consultation to get my wisdom teeth removed (most likely and yes, at age 38 ugh!). I have been dreading this for as long as I can remember, but I have to be brave.

I'm not the only one with stuff though. My sister-in-law has to have a procedure done this week too. I pray that goes well.

And! I just found out one of my cousins passed away yesterday. Oh it's sad, but I'm ok. I hardly even knew him, but I adored his mom. I pray for her today. It's sad, I only really met her once as a "grown up" (where i can remember) and she's got traveling anxiety so I likely won't see her anytime soon. Well...

Yeah, well lots going on, but I'm maintaining a positive mindset today. My mood is good and again, I adore all of you for your wishes :grouphug:

So glad it is a happy day.
I don't think it will hurt with whatever they give you now to feel no pain. Hope I am right. I had a lot of teeth pulled and postponed it a long time because I was terrified. It was nothing.
Sorry about your cousin.
Fondly,
Bobby

Thank you! I need that!

I'm so nervous about it all! I'm scheduled for the end of the month. I know it's early, but good vibes and prayers would be appreciated. I'll try not to annoy folks with it and get myself too worked up, but that's gonna be in the back of my mind now.

Gonna have to think of other news to share to keep my mind off.

It's not just me. My poor dear sil had her thing postponed till Feb. I feel terrible. She was nervous too and i want her to overcome the challenge.

Ugh! Life! It's so hard and scary sometimes. And im a baby. :/

I had only 2 wisdom teeth. one had to be dug out
the root was curved from the exray it looked

straight down wrong. I was at a military dentist
it took for ever to get the one removed.

he kept digging and giving me shots

I still have one Don't remember where,
it has never caused me any problems.
bizi

Sending prayers and good vibes. You are an adorable baby.
Fondly
Bobby who I feel will be no big deal. Hope you get it over with soon and ask for extra pain killers-why not/?
Fondly,
Bobby

ok, well i'm going to whine here anyway. Gotta get to the bottom of why my ADHD testing didn't get faxed to my psychiatrist. I did what I was told! grrrrr

good news, I got to spend some time with kitties the last 2 days. If you've forgotten, I cat sit for my folks while they visit my sister. They have two cute little boy cats. I saw both last night, but just the one this morning. I think the other must've been sleeping. Anyway, I won't go there everyday, but I try to check in as much as I can. They're "my babies" too and they also make me happy, so it's a win-win.

me again. so I got to visit the cats (good part) and while I was there, I took my weight (bad part). I went up 8-9 lbs and I'm pretty sure it's from the Vraylar. H even pointed out that I'm hardly eating enough to be gaining and yet he can still notice. I noticed, but I didn't know it was THAT much. It's just so unfair how the first 3 months there was no change, in fact I was still losing weight, but now in the second 3 months (4-6) I've gained. It's really quite depressing. I know it's not my fault, but I feel heavy and not myself. :(

in other news, I did try calling my clinic about the faxing information... I had to leave a message because nobody was there. grrrr