[GeeLuv]

argh! how am I going to do this therapy stuff??!! I mean, where and how?? It's cold today, so I don't even think I could sneak off into the car on a day like today. Plus, the times they gave me as options aren't very convenient to begin with. grr! Seriously, how am I going to do this without H overhearing. *scared*

[Waking Light]

Dear GeeLuv, I hope your therapy works out. That could turn out to be what you've been needing. It sounds like hubby doesn't know about it. Maybe you can find a nice way to share about it with him. He was helpful about mentioning about having a stye & about the compresses, so maybe he'll be the same way about your therapy? That would be great. Keeping fingers crossed for you.

[GeeLuv]

Folks, never be shy with your thoughts or suggestions (unless I say something specifically triggers me), and I hope you already know this. That being said, what I'm about to say or say on other stressful days,

I'm concerned now more than ever about telling H about therapy. I won't go into details, but he was basically expressing concern again about internet safety stuff. Well, as you know, these times are a bit difficult to do face to face things, not just in my case but for everyone due to Covid, but I am also desperate. So, argh! If I admit to therapy, I'll have to admit to sending info over the internet. I mean, it'll likely have to be talked about one day, and that day is not going to be a pleasant one, but now that I'm already in this, I need therapy more than ever! Right? So update. I didn't get one for this week, but next. In a way that is good. Gives me time to prepare. But it's also bad. Gives me too much time for things to go worse and/or me to get anxious and have second thoughts. Sigh!

On top of everything, H is on vacation now until next Tuesday. Not that it's very much difference, but really, it kindof is. He'll be watching my every move. Bleh! So I probably won't be on very much for a little while. And of course, I'm still trying to rest my eye, but that has been improving daily. Thankfully!

Just want to say again thank you all very much for your love and support!! You have no idea how much it means to me!

[GeeLuv]

Meh,

I probably shouldn't share every little frustrating thing, but if anyone has any tips on how to get over this quicker/not be so upset by it, because it's his fault, then please share!

So, a long while back H and I were having dinner with my folks and he said something and I corrected him because I thought he had mistaken. Afterwards, he tells me not to ever correct him in front of people, even if he is wrong. (At least I'm 99% sure he said "anyone") So today, whilst talking to his folks, he made a true mistake and I didn't say anything. But of course, after the call he was like, "how many times did we talk about this Subject today...why didn't you say the right thing?" (Paraphrasing) And I told him about the time he said not to correct him. *eye roll. I mean, what the heck?! Does the rule not apply to his folks?? I don't think so. I think he just wants to find something to complain about with me. Almost EVERY time we get together with someone, SOMETHING I say or do is wrong!! And even the times he doesn't say anything, he either says it later...or I'm just anxious waiting for it. Grr!

But like I said, it's HIS mistake, him misspeaking. Why do I still have to feel attacked and anxious afterwards and he go on as if nothing happened?! How do I emotionally detach? :/

[bizi]

I suggest couples counseling.
of all of the couples I have heard about on these forums your sticks out so much in need for help. You are not being respected and this is abuse I believe.
bizi

[GeeLuv]

I hear ya! But he refuses the couples stuff. (Edit: right now) He's basically passive aggressively criticizing our dirty house because his sister's is so clean and ALWAYS so clean. Sigh!

But whatev! I'm too tired right now. Didn't sleep much last night and woke up early...and my eyes are tired from too much screentime lately (I know it's too much). So, gonna go. Try to rest before having to cook. :P

Hugs and love to all!

[bizi]

Do you have a therapist? You could use all of the support you can get, most insurances pay for therapy.

bizi

[Waking Light]

Dear GeeLuv, It sure seems like one of those deals where you can't win, no matter what. I think you did the right thing, not biting the bate, so to speak. Also, maybe his sister is a neat freak because she is nervous, or because she feels she has to be perfect all the time. Is one of their parents critical like your hubby is? Anyway, I guess you'll have to depend on your intuition in these situations. I'm wishing you good things dear friend!

[Dmom3005]

Gee

Since he doesn't want to do.therapy. I'd let him know you will be doing therapy by yourself to figure out how to get an idea how to resolve what he wants.

Donna

[GeeLuv]

Hey all! So just updating before I forget...

Just got off the phone with GP...wait! Let me start with yesterday.

So yesterday I had my first phone chat with my new therapist. H still doesn't know. Session went pretty well, laid the groundwork, but won't discuss strategies until next time. She is very accommodating however, knows my situation that H doesn't know yet, and also that I only have 3 free sessions to cram all this in and gave me her email for the option to try to arrange last minute sessions if I was anticipating alone time to chat. (Kinda jumbled my points there but you get it right?)
So I need to schedule that next appointment.

Ok, but so today...had my GP chat. We started it off with an update on my relationship stuff and my mood and he went to great lengths to try and understand and help. I did not say that I actually started therapy yet. I mentioned that I hadn't yet spoken to H about individual therapy because i was scared and GP kinda talked me through this, like I need to "advocate" for myself. (Like so many of my online friends, like you, have encouraged me. Oh and yes, I did mention the support forums and your encouragement to pursue individual therapy if H won't do couples). Right, so he very much recommends talk therapy. So now I officially have this and really need to work up the courage to talk to H.

I also asked about NAC, Bizi, for the obsessive tics. He said that could help and it is an option there, however, he'd rather wait and increase my Zoloft for the fact that it will help with anxiety and hopefully also the tics. So, I said ok. I'm just now realizing how this is the "bipolar" section though and how, if bipolar of any degree is a consideration, I am going to have to pay close attention that the Zoloft increase doesn't negatively affect my moods. So, could y'all help me with that? I'm honestly not too concerned though, but still would be nice to have a check and balance system.

Also increased a couple of my supplements just to support my mood and keep the levels correct since they were on the low side of normal in the last blood test.

Think that's it. Love and hugs to you all!