[GeeLuv]

I should probably say this in my thread, lol, but I didn't sleep well either. Hubs is worried about something and kept me up half the night worrying about him. I hope things go well for him today and we both get some sleep tonight. <3

[Dmom3005]

I hope you both get good sleep tonight too. I'm on effexor xr for anxiety. It's something I've been on for a while. It helps.

Donna

[GeeLuv]

Thank you so much! I believe we did sleep better even though he didn't get everything out of his meeting yet...has another in 2 days, so still on edge until then or maybe longer. I dunno. Sigh!

And I woke up with a cough today. hopefully it'll pass quickly. Probably a mix of "that time of the month" and... too much screentime. :/

[GeeLuv]

Supposing I should update this since it's been a few. (Well, on other threads ) I'm just so tired lately! I suppose it could go hand n hand with being a bit lazy. I set an alarm and got up today and I'm gonna try to stay up this time...and exercise even!! (Just a little walk...oh! But I found a fun new video on arm exercises I want to try!) Funny! I was up and going by bedtime last night. Didn't want to sleep. But when hubby suggested I take a little walk inside the house, I dunno, I just felt like jumping into bed. I guess I wanted to be warm and cozy, but I did shake my leg for awhile to burn off some energy. I woke up again tempted to come online, but I finally went back to sleep. Then I woke up a third time when hubby got up for work. I still had 2 hours before my alarm, so I went back to sleep. (Like I said, I wanted to get up and stay up today). So now, I'm awake for the final time today (hopefully) and I'm ready to start the day!

Maybe I'll just stop at there. I was going to say something about my picking though. It's actually maybe a little better (?) But I did pick at one nail this morning. I'll go file it down so I'm not tempted anymore. I trimmed another possible temptation last night. I only have one more long nail left really, but it hasn't bothered me yet, so I'll keep it till it does.

Seriously, we are not our mental illnesses, but I do think it's important to keep track of these things, especially if you have to talk about them with a professional soon. I've been really bad about keeping a personal journal, so this is my outlet right now. I'm lucky, I guess, in that I haven't been really moody lately. It's just the sleep issues and the obsessive compulsive things (I eat compulsively too sometimes, like with pretzels-gluten free and crackers-Oh wait, those aren't GF tsk, tsk, tsk) but have also been trying to incorporate more healthy fats and veggies in my diet, so I think that helps.

Ok, I'm going to wrap this up (because I'm already boring and self hate, self hate-wait! What?!...guess I'm a little moody) before I drone on too much. Anyway, I appreciate the reads and the hugs. Take care everyone!

[Mari]

Hi,

I agree that posting here serves as a journal.

What fats and veggies are working for you?


A woman I work with has a messed up finger that got infected from cutting her cuticle wrong. She's still going back and forth to the doctor.

Take care of yourself.


M

[GeeLuv]

speaking of journal, I'm really going to use this right now...but just quickly, I have been eating carrots and hummus and almond butter on toast lately. running out tho!
I also worry about infections, might even get them from time to time, but they always heal, so I'm not too concerned with seeing a doctor at this point...I mean in addition to the regular appointment coming up where I will be discussing my issues (if i don't chicken out)

ok. today's update

Ok, so I'm not doing a very good job today of staying offline. If I'm not here, I'm somewhere else. But I did start in a new direction (will touch on that in a sec) and I at least got outside for 10-15 minutes in this gorgeous spring weather. *snuggles

But that brings me back to the whole point of why I'm seeking insight into myself. These good feelings may not be extreme enough, it's too soon to tell. However, it brings me back to the incidents that made me consider hypomania in the first place.
The feelings I experienced in 2016 and the behaviors I made whilst feeling this "on top of the world" feeling are being remembered today. and subsequently, that all started in spring too. It was a pleasant experience of community with this particular group and I was feeling some real camaraderie and closeness with a special few. I call them my "favorite person/s". I thought they were experiencing the same bliss, if you will, that I was experiencing with the relationship. I was blind to any possible clues that that was not the case. I still don't know if it was ignorance on my part or if it could have been the mood induced haze...perhaps it was a bit of both. But I was flyin! ...until I finally got the first true sign of pushback. Then I became defensive, aggressive and irritated as well as confused. I recklessly acted stupidly because of this anxiety and things just spiraled from there...there was some peace for a little while, but ultimately it all ended leaving me in the one of the worst depressive states of my existence.

And that "new direction" I had mentioned earlier...well, I'm making actions to get back into this writing program again. I'm already spread thin, but I'm feeling this creative bug again that I haven't felt in 2 years! I was reasoning that I'd do this to get me away from so much screentime (ironically, I type so much better than physically writing with pen and paper, but I'll try the pen and paper thing too)...but I'm worried that it will just give me an additional place to spend more hours online when I'm trying to cut back!...I dunno. But to me, this is what I would consider my "hypomania"....perhaps it's not true hypomania, but maybe it is! I neglect other things, important things, because I'm lost in these "hobbies"! I guess it just depends how much this happens...so I'm going to be tracking this now, likely here, with what concerns me....

today I'm in a hyper good mood, restless and unable to be there for others because I'm stuck in my world...it truly concerns me.

Thanks for reading!

[GeeLuv]

I'm super stressed lately about a particular relationship and it's keeping me awake right now...as well as that late night black tea I had today. Sigh!

[Mari]

GeeLuv,


Sending hugs.

[bizi]

I am sorry you are stressed, what are you doing to counter act that?
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[pink kitty]

I'm sorry you're stressed about a relationship. Would it help to talk about it here?