[Waking Light]

Hi GeeLuv! I'm proud of you, getting this far all by yourself. Good luck with everything.

[bizi]

gee,
well Yes it is good to keep an eye on yourself. the increase in zoloft could elevate yourself to hypomania. You will have to do a self monitor and let your husband know about the med increase so he can help take notice. I wish luck for you in this journey.
bizi

[GeeLuv]

Hey all! So it looks like I forgot to update about scheduling my next sesh. Well, the thing is, that was all fine, but I was worried H overheard me making it. But...

...well it's been a couple of days and H hasn't said anything about therapy. Now, unless he's meaning to somehow sabotage the next one, I don't think he knows. It would also be unlike him to not say anything if he did know. So I'm gonna say I'm clear, but still making a backup.

The weird thing is that H has been uncharacteristically kind this week. I don't mean he's uncapable of kindness or that he isn't kind a lot, but he went the entire week without saying anything bothersome to me...oh, well there was one thing, but we didn't fight about it...yet.

So, you know, it's like hard for me to think of this list of the things that bother me that I want to work on/improve with my therapist, when he's being nice and I'm either forgetting things or feeling that I'm being petty...I do know there are some serious things though, but the fact still remains that I'm worried these things cannot be fixed and that I'm already doing all there is to do to cope/get through them. :unsure:

So yeah. That's basically where I'm at...

[Dmom3005]

Gee

You kind of have to keep a list of things that can happen. And even one of these things is he gets to the point he is not doing anything to make you upset or want to talk to someone because he thinks it will make you stop.

So maybe this time you should work on how to work through things with him being home too. And how you can do your things. When he needs to do his. Because it's for work and that means it's more important or seems to be.

Think outside the box what to work on.

Donna

[GeeLuv]

Originally Posted by Dmom3005

Gee

You kind of have to keep a list of things that can happen. And even one of these things is he gets to the point he is not doing anything to make you upset or want to talk to someone because he thinks it will make you stop.

So maybe this time you should work on how to work through things with him being home too. And how you can do your things. When he needs to do his. Because it's for work and that means it's more important or seems to be.

Think outside the box what to work on.

Donna

Thanks Donna! But I'll be honest, I'm a bit confused. A list of things that he's done in the past and will likely do in the future? And you think he thinks I'll stop talking about him if he behaves you mean? (I'm not sure if he knows or thinks that I talk about him, but I get it.)

But I have been working on how to work through things, with him and in the future, with therapist. And I'm completely fine doing my things while he works....so yeah, I'm a little confused. Please clarify. Thanks.

[Dmom3005]

I think if he did hear you then. He is laying low to see if you won't do.therapy so he kind of wins. This way if you keep talking to give your self ways to help it's good.

Keep your list the way you can. Just keep doing what you can

[Waking Light]

Hi, GeeLuv! Bottom line, I like what Donna said, just keep doing what you can.

[GeeLuv]

ok, so i lie. this does get a bit long, but here it is. also completely forgot, but i got to see "MY" kitties today and weigh myself. "MY" boys are doing great! Shy Blackie was even coming up to me more than Graybee and letting me pet him. And he never went back into hiding from that point until I left. Like, he even practically said goodbye to me! hehe Just so pleased. As far as my weight, well, I'm like kinda back to my heaviest (i think. I frankly can't remember anymore), but I'm also on my period. Still. time to get back to exercise!

-----------------------------------------Now for the Official Update--------------

So yeah, she got my email. Apologized for not writing back and was even super appreciative how I said I didn't want to cross any boundaries by writing when not necessary, but that she was actually completely fine with me if I sent her things in between sessions, as long as I didn't have expectations for an urgent response. Totally fair! She's been super accomodating! And even at the end of the session, she said I could try to arrange last minute sessions, any time and any day (except Sunday) and she'd do her best to make it happen. So cool, right?!

Now the nitty gritty. (and I will still try to keep this short). We discussed a few of the points; stuff that was of most concern right now. She did actually read it beforehand and said they were all good things to address though. But so we did discuss at length some, and part of the discussion centered around my feelings and anxieties and how experiences with my Dad in the past were sometimes similar and sometimes different than my husband and the irony about how my husband isn't the biggest fan of my Dad either, and kind of inferred that Dad doesn't always agree with H's ways either and how I'm stuck in the middle. My relationship with my parents, especially Mom, but both, is very important to me, but H wants to protect me from the toxicity of my Dad. I understand the concern, but I also, as i said, want to see more of Mom (again, not counting pandemic crap). Complicated.

She also asked about my relationship with my sister. Said we were close, but I couldn't talk about some things (like personal marital matters) with her for fear of judgment and or gossip. Not that sis would intentionally gossip, but she talks a lot. And she can be judgey with other things...like how people dress, or if they act kind of carefree she seems to make us feel like we're kinda wild and she'd never do that...in a way though, these are good things. If I'm concerned about whether I'm being a little "out there", she can return me to center. Anyway...

but the basic idea is that I really don't have anyone to really talk to about serious matters, not family, not husband, and I need that. I need this therapy...and so next session, we are going to talk about how I can express just how very important this is for me to my husband and how I really need it...it's to be proactive to save the marriage, not to make us even more distant. I really really hope she can help me feel comfortable making that conversation happen and that I do it and that it goes well. It's scary! I don't think he would, but if H left me because I was going to therapy...I mean, omg! How crazy would that be! And I don't want him to, and I really do appreciate the bounty of good things I have with him, and even recognized and told T just how good things have been over the last 2 weeks with just a couple of concerns, but no fighting and so I know things CAN be good...it's just H has to want it. I really hope he does.

[GeeLuv]

Some happy kitty pics from the internet. first looks like the former "Buddy" and second looks like "Graybee" (such a lover ) and trying to find one like "Blackie"...





ok, I'm afraid the page will time out, so here's a pretty close one.

[GeeLuv]

completely forgot to mention on there (guess I'll add it now) i still haven't started my med increase. H went to the pharmacy today, but it was closed, probably due to the riots/protesting. sigh! sad and scary times!