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Old 07-04-2020, 02:35 PM #51
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my best friend who died of cancer a half a year ago wrote me this a while before she died. i don't know if you are interested.


Hi, I am trying to write the idea that I thought of that we talked about yestersday. It is based on ideas that I learned in Jewish studies over the years that I just put together. Please tell me what you think.
In Genesis, at the end of the six days of creation, it says that G-d said, "Let's make man." Who was G-d addressing? Our sages over the years have given various answers to this question: angels, all of creation- in order that each thing contribute some of itself to the new amazing creation called man... The answer that I like best is that G-d was actually talking to man. He said, I created your body and soul, abilities, disabilities and talents, thought and free will etc. and now I want you to create yourself. I have created the raw materials and I need you to make something of yourself.
To make life a challenge, as opposed to life being simple and straightforward, G-d had to hide His own existence to allow for free will.
We also learn in Jewish studies that we were all created in a way that we can have eternal existence. This includes the existence of our soul even after our life on earth is over. We learn that the quality of this eternal existence is dependant on the efforts we put in in our life here.
Another thing we learn in Judaism is that G-d is One. In physics they are trying to find the smallest particle of which everything is made, like quarks or whatever might be found in the future to be smaller than those. But we sort of look at the inverse of that, that everything small and large, physical and spiritual etc, is actually a part of G-d. G-d created everything and everything is within G-d. We learn for example, that after life on earth our soul returns to the oneness of the G-dly realm.

So my question was, how can we retain our individuality if we go to the Oneness that in general is not individuated? I read an excerpt of a woman's near death experience and she wrote how when she "died" she felt that her existence was being subsumed by the oneness and intense love that was enveloping her. She said she felt she had not accomplished what she was sent to earth to do. The only thing she could do was to ask for more time on earth and she returned to her body.
So the conclusion I came to was just a matter of connecting all these ideas:
Our soul is placed in a body and put here into a world where we don't readily see or experience G-d and we have to overcome obstacles and challenges and darkness and "choose (eternal) life". It is these tough but good choices that give us the eternity. Sometimes we falter and choose unwisely and G-d sends us "reminders", like suffering. This causes us to think and maybe reevaluate aspects of our life. And this concentration and deep thought and good actions and good choices is what creates our individuality for eternity. And sometimes we are really good and are just given challenges even if we were totally good, because the depth of being that results is also creating our greatness for eternity.
So the more we put in great effort to develop our spiritual self and also if we suffer, the more we (hopefully) think about meaning and life, spirituality and G-d, and maybe that way G-d guides us to eternity.
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Old 07-04-2020, 04:55 PM #52
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i was severely depressed today. suri's letter helped me. the following also helped and i am no longer depressed.

Sparking a Jewish Journey
Though there are many factors that motivate Jews to embark on spiritual journeys, Jewish tradition recognizes that, often, the most important factors are not cerebral. Sometimes, it is the grandeur of the universe that either provides a spiritual experience or motivates spiritual searching. A glimpse of na*ture more breathtaking than we imagined it could be. A sim*ple unexpected kindness that so profoundly touches us that we begin to ask, “Who are we? Why are we here?”

Sometimes, it is the birth of a child. A child emerges into the world and despite the presence of nurses, physicians, ma*chines, family, and all the attendant elements of modern de*livery, we know that we are in the presence of a miracle. We gaze at our child and we recognize that all the biology in the world cannot explain this new being. We cradle in our arms not just another person, but a being of infinite value and vast potential. We cradle a piece of ourselves, and know that if we are fortunate, this piece of ourselves will survive us. Suddenly, we have a small piece of immortality. And we wonder: Who will remember us? How will we be recalled? After we’re gone, will we and this child ever “meet” again? How? When?

At other times, it is trauma that motivates spiritual odysseys. Illness, death, loneliness–all of these also cause us to ask life’s ultimate questions and to begin the quest for mean*ing. At still other points in life, it is neither celebration nor mourning that motivates our wonder. It can be a simple pause in the hectic pace of life. That moment when we have achieved most of the things that we planned to accomplish. All the needed degrees, a career, perhaps a family.

The details vary with every person, but at some point in our lives, we may suddenly stop and realize that we’ve attained most of what we set out to do. Then what? Where next? What does it all mean?

Many people today begin their conversations about religion with the proverbial question “Do you believe in God ?” But Ju*daism understands that if that question is the first one, then people who cannot answer yes will not be able to begin the journey. That is why the question “Do you believe in God?” is not the central Jewish spiritual question. It is not an illegiti*mate question; Jews are certainly not forbidden to ask it. But Judaism has chosen a different emphasis, a focus not on belief, but on faith. Jewish life is interested not in proving God’s ex*istence, but in feeling God’s presence. Judaism is interested not in philosophic arguments for God, but in what modem Jewish philosopher Abraham Joshua Heschel (1907-1972) called moments of “awe and wonder,” moments when God suddenly seems close.

Reprinted with permission from God Was Not in the Fire (Simon & Schuster).
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:05 PM #53
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Bobby

Maybe you can print this off and keep it somewhere to read when your Down. Maybe it will help you more times.

I hope things keep.looking up.
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Old 07-06-2020, 05:09 AM #54
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i did print both things down and have read them a lot . they are on my bed.
they do help. last night i had two anxiety dreams. i am so terrified about the virus and i haven't received my lease yet. as i wrote i only left my apartment once. my stomach is really acting up. my kitty cats are so wonderful and the ac is fantastic.
there is another movie on you tube i want to watch. yesterday i read a delightful book.
fondly
bobby
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Old 07-07-2020, 07:01 AM #55
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my bipolar is really out of control. I have been panicking so much. Often I am terrified. robert was supposed to come over yesterday and I wrote him a note seeing if he was okay. He hasn't answered me so of course I think he caught the virus and is in the hospital or he had a heart attack. I always think the worse and since the virus it has gotten so much worse. I feel so old and helpless
I hope on Thursday when I speak to the doctor he can give me something for my panic attacks. I think I will call Robert at nine to see if i can reach him and see that he is okay. i am tormented.
yesterday marci was worth a trillion dollars. she found i had a big problem i didn't know about and she fixed it.. she also found the charger to my phone and to my kindles. i spent 15 minutes looking for them. i got three washable pretty masks. i don't know what i did with them but i am going to give her one.
last friday aaron my volunteer didn't call and i got so sad. i thought he found me too boring. i haven't told him i am bipolar. yesterday he called and profusely apologized. it was his second anniversary on friday. his wife is russian and is in russia and hasn't gotten her visa yet. he called me even though our dates are on wednesday and friday to explain what happened and that he would call me on wednesday and friday..he is so interesting, incredibly bright and unusual. he mentioned a book that sounded interesting so i ordered it.
today i am going to force myself to go to the bank with marci. i am so terrified of going out. it is so sick. i have only been out once.
bobby
i started overspending again.
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Old 07-07-2020, 07:18 AM #56
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i just called robert and left a voicemail saying i was worried because he didn't come over or respond to my email. it must be so awful to have a nutty friend.
hopefully he is walking his dog danny.
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Old 07-07-2020, 09:55 AM #57
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robert still hasn't contacted me.
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Old 07-07-2020, 11:14 AM #58
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I just heard from robert. except for humidity he is fine but he had an emergency with a client so he couldn't come over. i don't think he know how f##kng sick I am. as i grow older i become sicker.
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Old 07-07-2020, 09:08 PM #59
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Bobby

You will get through this. Just remember that especially Robert seems to have clients. So maybe it's because a client has an emergency that he isn't responding next time.

I am glad you are enjoying your callers.

Donna
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Old 07-08-2020, 05:48 AM #60
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you are right. that was so unlike robert. he spent almost three hours here. he cleaned my ooma but then it didn't work. he worked on that the last and made one phone work. i told him marci needed to use the phone or she would have to make a trip downtown to get paid. he tried to also help me with my cellphone but my hands were so shaky i couldn't do anything. then he tried to transfer some pictures of danny on to my computer but something wasn't working. finally again he started on making ooma work so i could have use of my phone but marci already left. i was holding danny most of the time. he spent a long time licking my lips and licking my arms. i think he must really like me. in the end i told robert i loved him and he was such a patient genius.he was flattered and told me how compassionate i was because of the emails i sent him. i was so concerned that he was all right. my stomach is still hurting.
fondly
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i finally went to the bank with marci .everybody on the street was wearing a mask. that was the second time i was out since the virus.

Last edited by mymorgy; 07-08-2020 at 06:58 AM.
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