Venting about my friend I've been caring for since beginning of July who is terminally ill. Consider the little time I've known him I sure have been doing plenty these last 6 weeks or so.

I am really starting to believe that Doug is taking me for granted lately. I got upset with him this morning for exhibiting that very same attribute. I have really started to say the no word so much lately. He seems to be doing a lot better on his own this week anyway that I don't feel the least bit uncaring by saying no. Anyway, I come 1st so that's the way it'll be. I just got out of being tied down to a man when my divorce went through that I sure as the devil don't need a male friend tying me down like Doug.

Dear Befuddled,
This is the right place ot vent.
Do this at your own pace, your own schedule, and with your own needs in mind.
I think that you are doing well in taking notice of what you want.
Mari

Thank you Mari for being so understanding. I think that today I will devote all day to myself except maybe just checking on Doug one time. With the heat index today it'll feel like 115 and I don't need to be running back and forth from my apartment to his.

befuddled2

I am so proud of you....you are on the right track. True giving is when you don't diminish yourself. That is from the I Ching. You will have no regrets because you are doing the right thing.
I have just been in not quite a similar situation. My neighbor Ron who I took care of his bedsore for thirty five days starting in January and wound up starting to get one and half hours sleep a night because of the stress and had to go on more medication, a few weeks ago treated me badly. He followed it up with another minor incident. I stopped calling him. I did call him the other day though when I was told he fell out of his wheelchair three times and was trapped for an hour and half and then he might also have had a minor heart attack...bad chest pains and shooting pains in his arm....After that phone call I won't call him again. I have done a lot of other things for him but I have to take care of myself first before I can care for anybody else.
Otherwise it isn't true caring....
Bobby

Thank you Bobby. I can imagine how you must have felt when your friend treated you badly. I did go to see Doug already today and since it was so early I'd like to go back this evening. He has a home health care nurse there now.

befuddled2

Just remember to take care of you.

Oh BF I am so sorry to hear that things have gone this road. Take care of yourself and don't be too hard on yourself for feeling the way you do.

BF - taking care of someone can take it's toll on anyone. It isn't easy, I know, I have my mom. I can't even get away, since she lives with me.

BUT, as I have told her, I CANNOT TAKE CARE OF YOU, IF I DON'T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

I have to say NO also. You are doing all you can, and you need a break now and then.

Sometimes they do take advantage of you, because they are so used to you doing it FOR THEM, they then won't take of things they are able to, since they have someone to do it for them. It's not easy, and I feel for you.

Hang in there, do what you feel is best. Your doing the right thing. I should listen to my own advice. LOL

Lots of Hugs, Nikko

I am glad that you are taking time for yourself BF, Last week when we chated and through the calls this week you were so exhausted. i know you have the biggest heart and emergency needs are there, but you are not healthy enough for him to forget that you need TLC too and cna;t keep running back and forth in the heat. just yesterdays outing for you had tobe difficult with the heat,

we are having rain, i am not even sure it is above 60* yet today,
the oldest wanted to take a trip to an amusement park about an hour away, and traffic is bad with road work, so i declined.

i hope the most of the day you can rest, and rest your mind too. dougs nurse was there, so really rest.
di

Hang in there, do what you feel is best. Your doing the right thing. I should listen to my own advice. LOLB
Lots of Hugs, Nikko[/QUOTE]

You should listen to your own advice...
hugs
bobby