last night i dreamt i died. it was so awful. i hate bipolar and it has gotten worse.
today i will try to read. i can't seem to get into a heavy book.
love
bobby

Hi bobby, am sorry you had that dream.
I had a similar one in the psych hospital.
I dreamed and was awake at the time.

I was in a coffin and I could see out side
of it as well. people were all talking

around my coffin and I kept yelling

where is jeff? why is he not at my funeral???

That morning I kept asking where is jeff.
I thought something had happened to him.
I was really afraid.
I don't ever want to go to the hospital again.
I am sorry you dreamed you were dead.
not fun at all.
love
bizi

eeks how awful. i just felt i was dead and everything was dark.
love
bobby

yesterday i was severely depressed. finally i picked up a book and really enjoyed it and got out of the depression. i had the weirdest dreams last night that were so disturbing. i don't know what is happening to me. then i almost fell yesterday. my foot still hurts. i just seem to have my kitty cats and books and a lot of fear. my memory isn't what it was. my friend linda hasn't recovered from her surgery from six weeks ago. she is always tired and feels rotten. her youngest son just broke his knee. her oldest son who had severe diabetes,then had to have a pancreas transplant, then had a heart attack and now has cancer above his lip. that poor guy. linda is handling all these real nightmares so well. she is an only child and her parents were devoted to her and each other.
love
bobby

i just had a wonderful huge gift this morning. I talked with my new pastoral intern.
she said we are supposed to honor our feelings. .that was completely foreign to me. i think it might change me.i have never honored my feelings and often times have gone against them.
this morning i woke up and i wasn't depressed and didn't feel crazy. i remembered the name of the actor i couldn't remember yesterday. that was a relief.
love
bobby

I am so glad that you talked to her and that she helped you.
That is wonderful!
love bizi

i am still having trouble walking but it is getting better. yesterday i felt really lousy and depressed. after i finished another book i couldn't get myself to read another book. i just took a bath..i am out of klonopin. i called for a refill yesterday. i speak to the psychiatrist today. pudge stopped sleeping with me.
right now i can't seem to handle growing old and worrying if i have enough money and death.
love
bobby

I am sorry you suffer so much.
I wish I could take away your anxiety but it is just one of your diagnosis.
take care of your self.
love bizi

i am beginning to feel so anxious. i ran out of klonopin yesterday morning. the drugstore just called that there is some problem they are working on.

Are you on auto refill?was that the problem. I would never let my klonipin run out. How did that happen?You take it during the day too?
sorry for the mess up.
I hope you get it ASAP.
Do you have any benadryl, you could call your doctor and ask permission to take that to help with your anxiety and to help you sleep at night.


((((HUGS))))
love

bizi