if they are as bad as my parents were try not to look for any approval...try to see them as mentally ill and incapable of change. Even when I was in the burn unit and horribly burned their behavior didn't change. My father still yelled at me and said "what have you done to me" and my mother said after he stormed out of the room said "humor him"....
try not to lose yourself...and do exactly what you feel like doing...try to get in touch with your angry feelings....remember this time you have your husband to back you up...you can feel sorry for them but don't let them hurt you further. You might be the oldest child but you still have the need to protect yourself and you probably took the brunt of their mental illnesses.
Bobby

dear Mari
I hope I am giving you good advice...I know it is very negative and both my parents are dead. I was fortunate to have made peace with my father at the end and to view him as a hero...I am sure he was bipolar II and self medicated with alcohol. I don't think it would have worked out for me to have broken off from them. I still have a lot of issues that need to be resolved.
I wish I had expressed anger towards my father when he was alive instead of fear. I wish I had not denied my own personality and was totally on the defensive with them. I hope you can assert yourself with them on this visit and be your own person and put yourself first. I think that could help with the healing process.
Bobby

Dear Mari,
Let me say first off that I am very sorry that you are dreading their visit.
It should not be like this and I wish it wasn't for you.
Having said that..For your sake ...Do you still have any benzos that you could take as you needed them?

Your Mom has offed to help you with some boxes...TAKE her up on this offer!

It really is ok to ask for help!

I am proud of you for asking...

Keep in touch if you can over the next few days...we will be here for you.
bizi

Dear Pam,
They are staying in a motel a few miles from here.

No. The buildup is nothing. The actuality is much worse.
And it wasn't only one visit that went bad - it is every visit. The last one was the worst.

I am thrilled when I hear about people who do well with your parents. Your story about your mother cheared me.


Dear Mymorgy,
You are giving good advice. I hear you. You are telling me to protect myself. I'm sorry that you are in recovery from bad parents.
I long ago stopped looking for approval, support, nurturing......
Now I try to survive.
My brothers and sister sort of blame me for parts of our childhood. Now that does make me feel bad/sad.


Dear Bizi,
Hubby just cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms.
I am picking some stuff off the floors so he can vacuum and then I am going to do some laundry.
And Mom really is going to help me with something this weekend -- boxes or clothes mending or something. She needs to be busy all the time anyway.


I'm glad that I have you guys.

Yoga class starts again tonight. I am going to focus on cleansing thoughts.

Mari

i would have some heart to heart discussions with your brothers and sisters and tell them that you probably got the brunt of your parents' illnesses and it hurts you deeply to feel their resentment. I can't believe it that you have to suffer from both ends!
Bobby

That's really good they aren't staying with you, but I still feel bad for you to have this hanging over your head Mari. I hope that the days pass quickly and uneventfully for you. Hang in there it will pass, like everything else, it will pass.

Bizi, thanks for reminding me about the benzos. Believe it or not, I completely forgot that a little extra Klonopin for a few days was an option. Yippee!


Housework progress report:
I threw away some of the stuff that was on the floor and put most other things on books shelves or in drawers so that a person could at least walk in the door.
When I ran out of steam, I pushed whatever was left into a corner. Every room has at least one messy corner - but it is not the whole room anymore.


Hubby wants to be at the airport extra early tommorrow night. We will have to leave work early anyway. Whatever.
Mari

It sounds like you guys have worked hard!
I just don't understand why they have not even told you when they were leaving....
~sigh
You can do this...you can do this....
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Hey Mari? Have you tried Restoril for sleep assistance? My T offered it to me, she's out of samples right now and thinks it might work well for me in place of the 100 mgs of Elavil I take nightly to help sleep. Is it possible it might help you get better rest? Funny sounding name, but if it works, well then it's worth it. I hope things go well for your parent's visit Mari, hang in there. I'll be thinking about you this weekend.

Hi,
I was on Restoril many years ago -- it was my first sleep med.

My sleep problem is weird -- I don't go to bed. It doesn't matter what meds I take. I fight them off. I don't want to sleep.
The pdocs says it is a behavioral problem --- not solved by any med that they can give me.

-->I used to feel anxiety and even panic about sleep. I was afraid to sleep. That has mostly been resolved in the past couple months, but the sleep problem remains.

-->I've figured out recently (last week or two) that the refusal to sleep is related to some deep seated feelings about my mother. Sort of a rebellion thing about her controlling me.

I'm working on it.
Mari