I must admit that since my meeting with Goodwill last Wednesday that I had become a very broken person. Things were coming at me at all directions like with Doug's roommate crapping all over Doug and even the nurses crapping all over Doug. I tried to make it all up to Doug and that was breaking me also. First came the desires to get drunk and I didn't. Then came the desires to smoke and I did not. I had not used one single thing to ease my frustrations or aleviate the stress. The only reason I would not drink or smoke because I knew that would not help. I went to church today and the preacher talked about Jesus fixing us when we are broken like someone would glue back pottery that a piece had broken off of. I went to the ladies room at church and bawled like a baby and asked Jesus to fix me. I went back to the church service and listened attentively. When I left my church I felt so much better, like a heavy burden had been lifted off my shoulders. Then I see Doug and the awful way his step-son treats him, even Doug's nurses treat him like a Dog. I have sacraficed my whole summer for Doug. I have done without things for Doug. When Doug passes, I won't have one soul in 3-D to pick me up or comfort me. I am just not strong enough to go on sacraficing for Doug when he could go to a nursing home and I could work on putting me 1st. I wrote Doug a letter telling him I was going to stop being his care giver and put it on his bed side table as he was sleeping when I was there. It was a long letter and I know it's going to hurt him in more ways than one. It's going to hurt me longer but not as bad if I don't look out for my sanity.

befuddled2

That sounds like a hard letter to write.
This has been so hard on you...you have volunteered your time and energies to him...that is the thing about volunterring..you do it when you can and don't do it when you can't.
It sounds like you have gone beyond this and more for him...it is time to think about how this is effecting you.
I am glad that you wrote to him.
This sounds so hard....
bizi

((((((Barbara)))))),



http://www.jengray.com/archives/000840.html

Barbara

Thank you Jo, Bizi, and Barb.

Jo and Bizi, it was a hard decision and hard letter to write.

Barb, I really loved that poem you linked me to.

blessings,
barbara

I'm so sorry you're feeling so drained and vulnerable right now BF. I wish there was more then just a cyber hug or words on a screen. But there are real people in 3'd here who care about you and hate seeing you suffering. I am really sorry that you'er hurting right now, it sounds like you did something terribly hard but necessary, just hold fast to your faith and know that you are being watched over.