[Mari]

Hi,
You are doing a great job.
I just want you to know that.
Mari

[Pamster]

Thanks Mari, I sure didn't feel like it this week, but things WILL get better, I know they will. I talked with my T and she's rx'd me the paxil we've spoken about and I am going to pick it up tomorrow and hope that I should be feeling stronger and less fragile in a few days after I get that AD in my system. I haven't been around because I have been feeling so bad emotionally I didn't want to set anyone else off you know? But slowly I feel better now that we got through this week. We had an inspection to get through and I think we passed, that was so stressful to worry about, man let me tell you, what anxiety I've had this week over that.

I colored my hair today after they left and so I feel a little better, still sat here and cried for twenty minutes on the bed when I was feeling like a failure because of some stuff that happened this week, the usual, I do some stupid thing and can't remember where I moved something, like tonight it was the battery recharger for Jackie's New Bright Hummer we bought him for Christmas three years ago...But Mom will buy us a new one tomorrow so no worries. I am not going to sweat the small stuff.

How are you doing Mari? It's good to see you. How have you been sleeping and how is work going? That co-worker dealing with his own office well by now?

[Mari]

Dear Pam,

I always feel better when I color my hair too.

You do sound depressed. Possibly these life events wouldn't even phase you at another time. I'm glad that the doc is getting you on a new med. I loved Wellbutrin and couldn't tolerate the SSRIs myself. But that's me. I know that Paxil can be a wonder med for lots of people.

Regarding my office mate.
The new office got paint. Now it needs the floor waxed. Mostly it needs the a/c fixed. Parts of the building are freezing and parts are warm. I'm not moving until the temp is as cool in that room as it is in my other room. (I like freezing!) One of my friends thinks that I am nuts for not moving and keeps threatening to bring in a fan from home.

The office mate is coping, but barely. He's still a mess and I am still furious (when I give myself a chance to think about it) over his pdoc's utter incompetence. And now I wonder if it is too late for my office friend even if he did find a genius and fabulous pdoc.
I mostly ignore him. When he asked me something today, I started to answer him and then told him, I couldn't deal with it. I was feeling scattered myself and didn't know the answer anyway.

Mari

[bizi]

Happy to hear that your office is getting done soon hopefully!
and that you seem to be able to have boundaries with your office mate.
What is up for your weekend?
bizi

[Pamster]

You are so right Mari, I don't think these things would have hit me so hard that have been going on if I had something better then just elavil in my system which is all I've got until today. Abilify doesn't touch depression as far as I have seen, but what it does I am grateful for. I really hope things get better in a few days, I just feel so wretched, I mean I was stable and not depressed for years, but now that we've been mesing with my meds I just feel awful emotionally.

It's okay though she wants to help me with being a little manic, I mean lets face it you can't just cough up a full novel in two weeks like I did in August without a little mania. I know I get that way and usually that's all I do, is write, write and write some more. And the depression part of it never usually hit me, until I weaned off the wellbutrin, she felt and I agree because I was getting racing thoughts again, that it was triggering mania so we d/c'd it and talked about paxil. SO hopefully it will help me, if not I'll recognize it by our next apt and we'll try something else.

So sorry your office mate is having such a rough time, his pdoc sounds completely incompetant and making his suffer for nothing. If only he would have heard you when you said he needed to get a new pdoc when you brought it up, that's too bad, but you're not at all responsible for him so you're doing the right thing for you...so don't harbor any guilt about it, you did more then anyone else would have in regards to offering advice to him. I'd do the same, it's time to move on and ignore it and has been for a long while now.

As for our weekend, well I am feeling better today and think we'll have a fabulous time at walmart and wendy's with my mother, we're going to go to the library as we always do, run my recycling stuff by the place that you take it to and drop off some clothes by the church that we donate old clothes to. Tomorrow my little boy is eleven! LOL! He's growing up so fast, puberty is almost here and I am confused about it, HOW are we going to get him through it I wonder? I know it's getting better, he's hearing and understanding us better, but still I don't know how deeply that runs, you know? HOW much he really gets or not.

The other night at dinner I was totally sure Jack was out of his mind asking Jackie to get him a packet of parmesean cheese from the pizza place in the drawer we keep stuff like that in, we were sitting down and Jackie was still standing and by God he went and fiddling around in the drawer for about a minute, me still convinced he won't get it, and he got it!!! I was so stunned by it but it made me realize he is capable of more then I sometimes give him credit for. BIg lesson for me let me tell ya. Jack was all, "I just treat him like a regular kid because that's what he is..." and maybe he's right, I just am very opver protective over him and his feelings, but anyway, that's what our weekend looks like so far, today out with Granny and tomorrow cupcakes with whipped topping for icing.

[bizi]

I am glad that jackie was able to follow thruough.
Maybe you are right...he is capable of more.
Have a very nice weekend Pamster.
bizi

[befuddled2]

Hi Pam,

Please do post for support whenever you need it as this board is all about that. I haven't been keeping up with you as much lately but have been enough to know a little. I can relate to how a change in meds can be a hassel at times. I appreciate all you do here on the boards and want to thank you, thank you Pam. I hope that things will level out for both you and I soon. I didn't know about the depression but that use to follow my mania also. I hope to be more supportive now and keep up more soon. Take care and hugs to you my friend.

befuddled2

[Pamster]

Had a nice day today, although it started off raning it ended up on a bright note. I bought the wrong kind of shoes for Jack at walmart so I have to go to Kmart and see if I can find them there. Anyway things are okay today, better because I picked up my paxil today, it was too late to take it, but it will be good for tomorrow to start in the morning. I at least don't feel like crying anymore, I think seeing my mom is good for me and its great to get out with her and Jackie.

I am glad you guys care, it's so nice to have good friends who understand what it's like to be cared about.

[Dmom3005]

Pam

I hope you continue to have Jackie do small things for you guys.

This way he can feel like he is contributing.

Donna

[bizi]

(((((((HUGS))))))
bizi