:cry: Hi All:

I just hurt so bad emotionally and cannot get my act together. I went from being so totally busy all the time caring for Doug that now that I don't have that the time just drags. I no longer feel loved either more less needed by someone in 3-D. For those who know me, after my split with my husband it was just basically me. My ex had me so totally isolated that I had no 3-D support system. I use to massage Doug all the time and I miss that human touch. Anohter care giver had metioned how much we who have been a care giver as I was to Doug go through so much more than normal because of the big void it creates in our lives when the person we care for is no longer here. Care givers make the ones they care for their wholel life I suppose like I did Doug because that person is so needy. I'm totally lost now. All I want to do is sleep and cannot. I don't want to clean and all I want to do is eat even when I'm not hungry. All that the urge to eat is is to comfort me.

befuddled2

Hi Barbara! I read your post and my heart goes out to you. I have not been in your shoes however my Mom cared for my Grandfather with my Grandmother for a long time. She often speaks of how it was for her when my Grampa passed away. When she was feeling like you do she would emmerse herself in the memories of Grampa. She would close her eyes for endless amounts of time....to be with him in her heart and she would talk to him as if he was right there. Like I do with God. I seem to deal with lonliness like you do...with food. I feel good eating it but not afterward. Maybe spend a little more time on here! Maybe type out a letter to Doug...post it too! I think it is so good to get things out...even the good things. Relive your favourite moments with him...that is what memories are for!!! Here is a huge hugfrom me to you Barbara! Please know that I care!

Of course you're a wreck Barbara..someone you cared deeply for just died.
Please don't be so hard on yourself...it's waaaaaaaaaay too soon to feel anything but miserable. Let yourself cry...one day you'll remember the good times instead of all this pain.

I had a similar "rebound" after bil died -kind of an emptiness - but it was a bit different for us because we finally got to go back home and get into our normal routine again.
So for you being and living so close to him like you did, it is probably a lot harder to make the adjustment or change back to "normal".
Plus you did it for a lot longer - we were only gone for 2 weeks total.

Time will help too, maybe at some point you might feel like signing up for a class or activity to help get you back into a routine and meeting new people again.

It's normal to feel the way you do, you need to give yourself time to grieve.

I too am a caregiver for my mom as everyone knows, its not an easy job, but even when she is in the hospital it seems strange without her here.

I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. Try to keep busy, remember the good times, get out as much as you can, be with people, and talk about how you feel, that will help. People care, as we all do.

Cry it is okay and a good release. It takes time to get past the loss of someone close to them. You will be fine, your strong, just take this time for you. You need it.

Lots of Hugs, Nikko

you wouldn't want to foster a kitty cat or dog would you?
I know that is far out and it took me guts to write it
also is there a grieving group you can join? that isn't far out and maybe soothing and possibly a way to meet people and build powerful relationships.
I guess I don't think you should volunteer your services now to tutor a child or other volunteer work. You need to be nurtured. I found when a very close friend died after a lengthy bout with leukemia I read books on death and dying and found some comfort in them.
Hugs
Bobby

Bobby that is a great idea ...I was thinking that a few days ago...a kitten needs to be cared for and very comforting....and a great joy. We have 2 and they have broguht us such joy.
they are easy to care for...
Barbara could you have one in your apartment?
bizi

Dear Barbara,

I'm sorry that you are suffering.
'Sending hugs.
Mari

I wish you felt better Barbara, it's awful to lose someone close to you. I hope you feel better soon. Just know we're here for you when you need us.

Barb

You also could go start visiting and doing things with the person in the nursing home you visit. And making other arrangements to go do things for
others at times.

Maybe even see if a local library could use a volunteer. Or do you have a senior citizen building that might like someone to come keep people company at times.

Donna