Hi,
I had a long stressful day at work today -- just finished some paper work and emailing it off. A whole bunch of my paper work is late. But I got that off because it seemed more critical than other stuff.
And it is still not finished because I will have various people asking me to make further changes tomorrow.


Tomorrow is worse than today was because some of us have to have lunch with administrators. I hate luncheons -- esp if I have to worry about what to wear, get up earlier than I normally would, pressure myself to get to the luncheon on time.


AND I have to try to be charming and helpful WHILE I also try to sit on my hands. If I start to talk, my agitated bipolar shows up and people think that I am obnoxious -- even if I am speaking the truth.


Time for the weekend.


The last three nights I've been reading aloud a short part of the Lotus Sutra before I go to bed (15 minutes). (Tonight will be the 4th night in a row.) It's in Japanese (don't know what I am saying), but reading it seems to make me less tense and make me feel nicer toward myself. Please don't laugh at me.

Mari

I'd never laugh about doing something to calm your nerves and I doubt anyone else here would unless they had tried it too and then it would be laughing with you, not at you Mari. I am sorry you have to go through all that stress with getting up early and all the problems of figuring out what to wear and all. It's definitely not my favorite thing to do either, I am better now with my BP II and speaking, much calmer, but I still HATE talking to people because I feel like I am making a fool of myself.

Anyway good luck today, I hope you get some good rest after this luncheon. You deserve some good sleep.

I have wondered how much extra stress/work you had to do at home due to your job....grading reading assignments etc.
Then extra work, reports, etc. Hubby has that too.
Hopefully for the luncheon things will go ok and if you find yourself doing or saying too much, take a breather bathroom break and regroup.
Good luck today.
I am sure you will be your charming self.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Hi,
Work was awful. Yes, I got some important things accomplished and got some other things started along and got to see people I normally don't see. But the stress was awlful.

I was hyped and obnoxious and even rude and mean by the end of the day.

When I got home, I was sleepy but was afraid to go to bed early.

So then I got a second wind later in the evening and got panicky and hyper and breathless.

Worse, I bought a pizza on the way home and now I feel sick and can't lie down to sleep.


This is for sure: I am no longer going in for any crappy meeting, luncheon, or event.

I really do not want to have to take off another day tomorrow -- this would be the second in two weeks. But I need to stay home and stay away from stimuli and catch up on the sleep I missed last night and will miss again tonight.

Mostly, I need to figure out my life and get it together.

Mari

Hope you are feeling better today. Stress can do a job on people, it comes out in so many different ways.

Have a great weekend!!!!

Nikko

You survived....
and I am sure that you were not as rude as you think you were.
I am sorry that it was so hard on you and hopefully you can regain some inner strength over the weekend.
I am rooting for you.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I canceled some appointments to come home early. I'm going to take some zinc and c and got to bed.

Hi

After my nap yesterday I got up and emailed people at work untiil 3:30 am.
Now I am at the email again.
I've starting to feel OCD.
Time to stop.

Mari

This all sounds so familiar to be. I go though the same thing.

Take a day for yourself if you need to, although I to find myself at the computer where I might as well have gone into the office anyway...

I usually feel better in the long run if I do force myself to get up, get clean, and go to work. Plan a day off ahead of time, and even more importantly plan to spend it with someone or doing something well away from the game.

I'm battling this whole 'sitting on hands, being nice, not being mean' thing myself. Most people know me and understand me or at least recognize I'm not being mean, just that I care or that I'm so occupied with other things I'm just not taking the time to try and sugar coat everything for them. Other people just see the behavior as smug or derisive. So I'm working on it...

It sucks because weeks of really good work that I've earned respect for gets jaded by one three line email that someone 'took' the wrong way.

Hang in there