Hi,
Hubby started doing crap about how I have changed since we got married two years ago and that he didn't really know what we he was getting into.
B.S. He knew and I have not changed.

I had been working all weekend trying to be calm and trying to achieve my equilibrium. Then he walked into my computer room from behind me and said something that completely startled me/freaked me out and I started crying. *

So then I had to spend time with him and I suppose that we calmed each other down. But I still think I would have liked to have focused on keeping myself calm rather than dealing with him.

Does this make sense? I would like to ask for about 30 days of being allowed to be the big baby around here. After 30 days I'll go back to paying lots of attention to him and helping him with his emotional needs.

Mari




* He's hyper/ocd/hyperfocusedd ADD/has some anxiety. . . (my expert diagnoses )

Hi,
I talked to a colleague in another dept on the phone tonight and told her that the people in my dept feel confused and lost and upset. I asked her if she noticed that. She said no because she keeps her door closed.

Well darn. I'd like that option. But I've got two official admin roles and a million unofficial roles. And people are always coming at me for stuff.

Then I have bunches of meetings and one important one this week. The big boss needs to meet with me for some reason. I don't know what she wants or if I can do it for her.

I've sort of reached the limits of my job and what I can achieve with bipolar. I cannot reasonably do more than I already am and still have any chance at reaching my equilibrium.

I hope that some of this makes sense.

Mari

Mari

All of it makes perfect sense to me. And I really want to help.
So keep talking to us. I would bet that you could tell the
hubby to just decorate for halloween. And that would really
get him wondering what you are thinking.

Anyway talk to the big boss. But maybe its time to say I need
to stop getting more things to do and slow down for a while.

I'm stressing.

Donna

I wish I had some wisdom to give you. Is there anyway you can reduce your duties at work? You are probably doing more than most people there. Can you also make a sign for your door saying busy and close the door....you can add can be reached by email.
If you had less stress from work, maybe that would make it easier on your marriage. also when you feel more rested you can ask your husband in what ways does he think you have changed. I am so sorry that you have additional stress from him.
Bobby

I am sorry too that you are having all of this additonal stress.
It sounds like you are taking on a lot of work in addition to your regular responsibilities.
I agree...is there any way to ask for help.
More stress from hubby is not something that you need right now.
Would he agree to see your therapist again?
bizi
it sounds like you could use some Mari time....
Have you been doing your outside interests, buddist services? yoga, gym,coffee at star bucks, do you have a lap top where you could go to a coffee shop if you wanted to take a break?

Bizi,
No, I'm not doing anything that I want or that works for me.
Maybe I need to be doing some more stuff that feeds me.

Maybe at least seeing my accupunturist again instead would help. She has been on my list of people to call.

Mari

Hi,

Before we got married we saw each other about 3 days a week for 10 years. we lived in nearby cities.


Also, I cry more now than before we married, especially if I am trying to explain something to him. (We don't yell at each other.)
We anticipated some difficulties about living together. In fact for many years we talked about never living together -- about getting separate appartments right next door to each other. We both need a lot of space.


The work stuff needs to let up soon. Usually the extra work kind of goes in cycles. But this cycle is a long one.

Acyuallly, your posts reminded me that if the big boss asks me to do something else beyond what I am doing, I will tell her no.

Mari

Sorry stress so bad at work. Something to consider: medical leave. I just got back from one. It started in July "for only 3 weeks". I came back to work part-time at the end of August, and full time last week. I'm not sure I can work full time anymore either with how bad my bipolar has grown. But the leave let me gradually regain my clarity of sight, my strength, so I could think clearly for a while. Plus - if your employer is decent-sized, your job is protected under Federal Family & Medical Leave Act.

Hi, Molly,
That's great news that the Medical Leave helped you.
If I took off it would freak out my hubby. It really would.
It would initially weird out the people I work with too. They would get over it quickly off course, but we are seeing so many people move out of our department that it's become a sick joke.

I have flexiblity at work so I am going to use it. Reading the replies here help me see that I can call in tomorrow.
I have to be at two meetings at the same time.
So the heck with that. I'm staying home to rest up for Wednesday.

Mari

Mari

That is a really good idea if you have two meetings on Wednesday.
Then staying home on Tuesday is good. I'm glad you are working through
this to see what will work for you.

Keep going through what works for you.

Donna