I'm not sure what I'm even saying here but I hope some one can offer some advice or suggestions. I really think I'm being "labeled" at work and just don't think I can deal with it any more. I know I hear things being said and I know people are making light of the fact that I had treatments. I've been in the hospital for about 2 months and finally had the VNS implanted correctly. Since I can't take anti-ds because they make me manic this was my only hope. So far it hasn't done a thing but I know it's from all the ridicule I get at work. I love my job and was always looking forward to going to work. Now I dread it and actually sit in my car in tears wondering if I should even bother going in. And I refuse to look elsewhere because I love the area and the whole atmosphere there except for the ignorant people who have turned their back on me.

I have memory problems from the treatments and they know that I can't remember things. Just today someone came in the office and asked for me and I went up to the reception area to meet him. I know I heard "doesn't have a clue who he is". And I didn't because it takes a while to figure out things. I've met this client many times and have even been to his place of business but I couldn't remember who he was. I keep thinking that maybe I'm trying too hard to listen to what people are saying so I try to shut it all out. I stay in my cubicle and try not to make eye contact with anyone. But we're all supposed to work together and I can't work like that. But today was the buzz. I hear noises, not voices, just noises in my head sometimes. I thought I heard the word buzz but said no it's just in my head. Then I heard it again and even saw who said it. I went right into one of the partner's offices and told him what had happened. He shrugged it off saying it's all in my head and that I need to work on my people skills.

I've talked to my pdoc about this and she tells me to not equate myself with my illness. Don't say I'm BP, say I have BP disorder. Don't say I'm depressed, say I have depression. How in the world can I not be depressed when this goes on constantly? I don't know what to say to them because I'm embarrassed about what's happened. Now I'm finding myself doubting myself and my capabilities of doing my job and my self-esteem.

Oh dear girlie,
Thank you for posting.
It makes me so angry that they are treating you this way at work.
and that it doesn't sound like you are getting support from your boss either.
You continue to be brave about all of this.
Is there someone there that you trust?
Yes mental illness has a huge stigma....
unfortunately more people than you would like know about some of your personal business.
I am sorry that you are dreading going into work....
please know that I admire your courage in all of this.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hi,
You are doing great.
That buzzing stuff would have p!ssed me off. You did great.

Do you work in a lawyer's office? Because he should know better and get his people to straighten up.


Mostly I hope that you start feeligng better and get some pay off after all the hard work you have done for treatment. I think you should be able to start feeling good soon.

Somehow learn to ignore these idiots at work.

My therapist reminded me that people do not understand other people with mental conditions. I was even surprised when she said this.
I said, "But we are all around. We are everywhere."
I guess that we are hidden.


You are strong. You can find a way to deal with this. I think that your co-workers need time to get used to your being back in the office.

And I think that your memory will improve with time.

In the meantime, I have you talked to Human Resources?

Mari

In hindsight I know this was a stupid question because I know there's a real stigma from being mentally ill. But I never knew I would face it. I never knew people could be so cruel and vicious. People who were friends now treat me like an outsider. I hid it from them for so long that I was BP but when this happened the cat was out of the bag.

No Bizi there's no one I can trust any more. I've lost my faith and trust in humanity. But I know that I can't work like this anymore. I've tried talking to the partners but I'm getting no where.

No Mari I work in a CPA firm. We don't have a HR department because it's a small firm, only 5 FT and 3 PT until tax season. I've passed 3 parts of the exam and have one more to go which I'm taking on Nov 30th. I'm trying so hard to study and remember what I'm reading, that's why I'm up at 5AM, but as soon as I close the book everything slips aways.

I know I have to ignore them but it's so hard. But it's not helping me shying away from people. I know I'm becoming socially isolated and afraid to go out in public. I don't want to withdrawal but I feel it happening again.

maybe I am off base but everybody knows what depression is and they don't classify that as a mental illness. if you wind up in an embarrassing situation can you say you have been treated for depression and it has screwed up your memory a bit. if people are cruel then you know who to avoid. those people really have bad problems and you don't need them. actually it is good news because you can see who is really nice and worthwhile and who isn't worth the time of day.
bobby

It's a lot more complicated than being depressed Bobby. I was in the hospital because I was suicidal and had 12 ECT treatments, hence the buzz. I had it all planned but admitted myself before I pulled it off. I trusted someone who visited me in the hospital and she told people about the ECTs. And the problem is I can't avoid them because we're supposed to be a team and work together. This has just turned out all wrong. I'm having my VNS turned up again today so maybe the new setting will do some good eventually. And the holidays are coming and I'm so dreading them.

(((BJ))) Unfortunately there a stigma about everything the public views as being out of step with their preception of what's normal. It's called ignorance and the solution is to educate them. This shouldn't be your job BJ when you are so busy just trying to function but I think we all need to hollar when we are hurt. People can be so cruel and I think they should be embarrassed out of it!

I hope turning it up will help today....hang tough dear girl and know that we all care.

bj,

here i go with my my wacky way of thinking. so bear (bare?) with me ok? what i say is totally out of love.

when people are around something they don't know about, they act strange and typically very rude. like staring a person who was born with a deformity. they are curious, but too afraid to ask.

not like little kids. they will walk right up and ask. puts the person as ease.

mental illness has been such a taboo subject. family members were put away in awful places and never talked about again. my own grandmother after having ect's. shunned. children told she had died.

well, its not the dark ages. ignorance is not bliss.

so what about educating them? print off information. explain to them the side effects you are having. imo they probably don't know what the heck ect really is. the first thing people think of is those awful horror movies and people hooked up and their brains fried.

education is power. you have that power to help them understand. you don't owe them anything bj. they are being jerks. uncalled for. could be their parents never taught them any better.

you know me...i am curious and i'll ask. not just on the forum, but in person. my daughter had a horrible disfiguring birthmark. adults were horrible to her. wouldn't let kids play with her. the kids...just asked and that was the end of it.

we love you bj. i'm just offering my wacky insight and advice. never ever am i offened if you don't take it. i have been known to be wrong. but don't tell my husband.

ect is an extreme treatment. it does have side effects. it saved your life. which all of us here are thankful for.

i just scrolled down and read alffe's post. dang...i typed so much to say what she said. LOL. oh well. i'm not going to delete it. maybe we are right.

I know it is a lot more complicated but I thought if you just tell people you were severely depressed they would be more able to relate to that than if you told them you were bipolar.
Bobby

That's good advice Bobby...unfortunately "the cat is already out of the bag" due to misplaced trust.

It really is amazing the lengths some people will go to when they have something "new" to talk about. BJ I know it goes against your loving nature to react in such a way but I'd say..Is there something HUMOROUS about my physical challenges? And I'd say it loudly the next time someone makes a snide remark.

Boy does this tick me off!!!